words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Photographer: Well then why dont we see the bride and the groom and the bridemaids.
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you werent pregnant?
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandlers stunned faces.)
Chandler: Whos the father?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. Its James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, continued from earlier.]
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids?
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way?
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Bandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
Monica: Whats the matter?
Monica: Well, the good news is, I dont think anyones looking at us.
Phoebe: Whos the father?!
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Ross: Mona umm Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no shes uhwell shes dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Ross: (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert youve just been bumped up to table one. And if its all right with you Im gonna take your place at table sixMartin Clickclocken.
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Dennis Phillips: Oh, Im so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]
(Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that its the kids table. He sees Mona sitting at another table.)
Mona: No, nine. (Shows him the card again.)
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin
Monica: (interrupting) Rachels really the one whos pregnant.
Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Monica: Yes! Maybe its a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Monica: Oh, wait a minute! Whos is the father?!
[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.]
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking?
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Chandler: And the world will never know.
Mona: Okay, but I get to hop on after her. (Ross bites the air in response.)
[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Time Lapse, the interrupted song is finishing.]
Ross: (to the second girl) That was very nice Ashley.
Ross: Oh, you-you sure? (She nods yes.) Okay. (To the girl) Okay. So whats uh, whats your name.
Gert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.
Monica: Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor?
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
The Girls: No!! (The woman backs out.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
Rachel: Ah, its still not the time.
Dedicated to the People of New York City
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Ross: I just didnt see the fast song coming.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Monica: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju(Sees Rachel is watching)Hi, Jew! (Walks into the kitchen.) (Listens.) Uh huh? (Listens.) Uh huh? (Listens) Ok. (Listens) Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye. (Hangs up.)
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)
Joey: (to Billy) So youre the gynaecologist?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
(Monica enters, with her hair braided and little shells at the end)
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
(She leaves the apartment and they all stare at Ross)
Gunther: Thats the whole part?
Rachel: Well yknow, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, wed jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so theyd put salt on their cereal.
Monica: What if I turn out the lights? (Runs to shut them off.)
[Scene: Phoebes office, she is arriving without the knowledge that shes been fired.]
Rachel: (seeing the ring and gasping) Oh my God, they let you keep that stuff?!
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?
Joey: Not the other one?
Isabella: (reading it) Im not on the list!
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)
Monica: Very good! (Gives him the keys) What do you need it for anyway?
Joey: (covering his ears and yelling) Oh no! No! No! (He starts banging on the door.)
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
PHOEBE: All right. (She takes the phone from Rachel.)� Hello?� Hi.� I'm sorry about her, but she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
Joey: (entering) No! No! No! No! No! How you doin?! How you doinDamnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! (Goes into the hall.)
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
[Time lapse, Ross is still doing Chandler's game. Tag is heading for the balcony.]
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
Josh: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.
Ross: Whats up with the greed Joe?
Joey: (hes just picked up their bill) Hey! So, whats with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Ross: Well, technically it seven billion years ago (Well, technically youd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)
Ross: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. (Picks up the phone and does so)
Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Phoebe: (reading from the instructions) After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
Joey: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Ross: Okay, its second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
(Ross makes an "I was right, and you werent face." And Rachel does Rosss little Im-flicking-you-off-but-Im-not-giving-you-the-finger banging of the fists.)
Rachel: (seeing the collection of characters.) Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunnys funeral in here.
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the middle of the night, there is someone knocking on the door and Monica and Chandler get up to answer it.]
Rachel: (laughs) Yknow when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monicas seat.)
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Alice: (laughs) No. No. No. (Sits down.) Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR.
The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
Chandler: Oh hey, how'd the interview go?
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at the counter waiting for Gunther, yep Gunthers back, to refill her coffee.]
The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)
Elizabeth: No, let's just leave the lights on.
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?
Monica: Who the hell are you?!
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Monica: The only problem!
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?!
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)
Chandler: So, shouldnt we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
Rachel: No you guys (She walks out into the hallway.)
The Potential Roommate: Oh dont worry, Im not really a party girl.
The Flight Attendant: (To Ross) Hope you had a nice flight.
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldnt wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Rachel: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain!
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
The Instructor: Thanks.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.