words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Monica: (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.
Photographer: Well then why dont we see the bride and the groom and the bridemaids.
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey Mon, why did you tell the guys you werent pregnant?
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandlers stunned faces.)
Chandler: Whos the father?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. Its James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, continued from earlier.]
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids?
Chandler: Yknow I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.
Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way?
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Bandleader: Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!
Chandler: Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never forget.
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
Monica: Whats the matter?
Monica: Well, the good news is, I dont think anyones looking at us.
Phoebe: Whos the father?!
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Ross: Mona umm Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no shes uhwell shes dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
Ross: (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert youve just been bumped up to table one. And if its all right with you Im gonna take your place at table sixMartin Clickclocken.
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Dennis Phillips: Oh, Im so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]
(Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that its the kids table. He sees Mona sitting at another table.)
Mona: No, nine. (Shows him the card again.)
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips? Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I wouldve done it all, film, television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and thats just for ugly people.
Chandler: Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Rachel: Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass without Monica noticing. It doesnt work.) Oh thats-thats actually how the French drink it.
Phoebe: Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin
Monica: (interrupting) Rachels really the one whos pregnant.
Phoebe: When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times just to make sure.
Monica: Yes! Maybe its a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Monica: Oh, wait a minute! Whos is the father?!
[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates which causes the kids to laugh.]
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
Ross: I wasnt farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the little girl) Yes?
Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking?
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Chandler: And the world will never know.
Mona: Okay, but I get to hop on after her. (Ross bites the air in response.)
[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Time Lapse, the interrupted song is finishing.]
Ross: (to the second girl) That was very nice Ashley.
Ross: Oh, you-you sure? (She nods yes.) Okay. (To the girl) Okay. So whats uh, whats your name.
Gert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.
Monica: Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor?
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
Chandler: (sliding up behind her) No. No, I wont. Do you know why I took all those lessons? See, for the first time I didnt want you to be embarrassed to be seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.
Monica: Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesnt matter. All right? I married you! So I want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a move.) There you go.
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
The Girls: No!! (The woman backs out.)
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
Rachel: Ah, its still not the time.
Dedicated to the People of New York City
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Ross: I just didnt see the fast song coming.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like Im holding down the fort all by myself.
Ross: Wait a minute! No! Im the nice one! Im the one who danced with the kids all night! How How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)
Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding.
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
Rachel: Well, thats because of a lot of (She imitates someone picking their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)
Joey: (to the waiter) What are you still doin here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!
Monica: Alright, what was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence to Joey)
Rachel: Since when do you watch the news?
Monica: (To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
[Scene: Rachels Room, Joey moves Rosss coat to get the tissues Rachel wants and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.]
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
(Ross enters the apartment with Amy)
Store Guy: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?
Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. Thats-thats where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, were making out. You know.
Ross: It's the dog.
Rachel: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.
ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth!
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
(the music ends)
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
THE END
Rachel: How was the honeymoon?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
(A guy enters that looks suspiciously like Alec Baldwin from The Hunt for Red October, Pearl Harbor, and Beetlejuice.)
(She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesnt mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Rachel: Thats it. (She crawls onto the bed) Ow!!!
[Both Chandler and Joey put their feet up against the glass, Monica doesnt and gets thrown up against the glass.]
Joey: Dude, you see right thru me!! (They hug) (Joey heads for the door and pushes Chandler's suitcase on the way out.)
Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.
Ross: And what(notices the stenographer is still typing)What are you typing that for? Did you hear what she said? We dont get the annulment. Dont type that! What?! Stop typing! (He goes over to where the stenographer is typing and in the process pushes Rachel out of his way.) Hey! Stop typing! (Hes still typing.) Stop typing! Stop typing!!
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back.
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Monica: (angry) Ow, what are the chances!
Chandler: All right, we havent had sex yet. Okay, whats the big deal? Yknow? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the next level.
Ross: Did the TV wake you?
Ross: Nope, just the one. RACH!
(Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.)
[cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.]
Caitlin: (wanting more than anything to get the money and leave this horrible, horrible place) Yeah.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, partys over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parents basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body girl dummy coming out of the frame. Monica's frightened and she gasps.) Oh! What a tragic loss!
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Ross: I I do, I do not love Rachel. Im gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?
Rachel: Taking advantage? I'm giving you the advantage, enjoy!
(from 4.12 - "The one With the Embryos")
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: (picking up a plastic cup similar to the one he deposited his specimen in) It is not okay that I'm aroused by this now.
Joey: (sitting in a chair) Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
Joey: Hey, now youre the one who wet his pants. (He throws another handful on him and runs out)
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
Chandler: That is the exact same thing.
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Chandler: Which is why Asteroids is perfect! Its the oldest game!
Rachel: I don't know all the words.
Richards Date: Oh, thats real pretty. Wait a minute, dont I get to see the bedroom?
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
(Ross stops the clock, signifying the end of the lightning round.)
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Rachel: Well umm, maybe we could uhh (Grabs the phone) Ah-ha! Too slow!!
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, a post-coital Monica and Chandler are recovering on the couch.]
Monica: Okay, lets start with the free messages outside the UN.
Monica: The thing we never do.
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
(The shop assistant sprays the perfume on Phoebe's neck)
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Ross: Emma's down for the night.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
Ross: (on the phone) No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. (Listens) No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. (Hangs up.)
THE END
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women wont see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
Ross: You too! What are the odds?