words in movies
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?
Monica: What's the matter?
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
David: -make the decision-
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)
(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)
Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.(Walks off)
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
All: (in the kitchen) What?
Rachel: The bll is drrbing!
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
(they all tear off the wrapping paper)
Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.]
Rachel: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
KID: [shouting out the door] She's here.
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
(The girls are stumped)
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Dennis Phillips: Oh, Im so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Rachel: Ahh .So Wow The spring line, its really going to be great this year, huh?
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.
Monica: No honey, Im sorry, but the weekends not over yet.
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Ross: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Joey: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?
Estelle: (on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!
The Salesman: Well ah, what can you swing?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Rachel: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and...
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.
Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Ross: No, Susans gonna be there too. Weve got dads, weve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
Chandler: (noticing the woman on the screen) Whoa! Shes purty!
MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in (sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Chandler: Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn. Brooklyn is f-far!!
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
(The rest of the gang arrives with their heads down in shame.)
Ross: (running to the door) Oh, mine! Mine! Mine! (to everyone) Okay, here goes. Prepare yourselves for some Class A flirting.
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Chandler: All right ladies, heres what were gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandlers the king! Chandlers the king!"
(She boards the plane.)
RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok.
Chandler: Oh, it doesnt matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey, yknow what, Ive got two tickets to tonights Rangers game, you wanna come with me?
Phoebe: (points to David) And you thanks for the face massage. Thank you.
Phoebe: What are you gonna name the baby?
Kathy: No-no-no, the kiss was good.
The Waiter: Well, sure, that too.
Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air).
Monica: (sees two people exit) Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table!
The Waiter: Cant hear you!
Chandler: Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute! (Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of The Village People, what does that mean?
Monica: What the hell happened?!
Monica: (running from the bathroom to her room, wearing only a towel) Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! (gets to her room and closes the door, as Rachel gets up to answer the door.)
Rachel: (calling from the bathroom) All right, whos turn is it to help me get up!
Rachel: Fancy soap? I thought we were savin that for the Pope!
VAN DAMME: Perhaps, uh, the three of us, just could. . .
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
Joey: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, why were you at the courthouse?
Rachel: What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?!
[Scene: In Phoebes Grandmothers cab, driving up to the cabin. Phoebes driving, Rachels sitting shotgun, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are in the back seat.]
Danny: (returning, with a friend) Rachel, this is my friend Tom. (To Tom) This is the girl I told you about.
The Waiter: Well thats not true.
(She squirts some of the grease along Joey's face.)
The Waiter: You found that handle, did ya?
The Waiter: No.
Joey: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh?
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Ross: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
(The gang is stunned.)
Chandler: (suppressing a smile) What I do do is manage to uh, create an atmosphere of support for the people working with me.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Ross: Its okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!
Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh...
Phoebe: (pointing to the globe) See there it is right there.