words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is on the phone, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the kitchen.]
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: Haaaa... (Puts the skull on the table) ... ahhhh!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Monica: (Offering Ross the skull) Licorice?
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Phoebe: Yes, you will be very sad. All right, well I gotta go tell Rachel the good news.
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: Had the money in the wrong hand. (Shows her his left hand with the money in it)
Ross: Well, I do, so let's... (Ben and Ross sit down on the couch) So, Ben, you uh, you know what holiday is coming up, don't ya?
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ben: (singing) Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer...
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
Monica: (sees two people exit) Okay, those people just left, come on! Quick! Give him the money and get their table!
Chandler: (walks up to the Maitre d') Excuse me...
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe comes up the stairs and hears drumming coming from Joey and Rachel's, so she enters smiling and then sees that Rachel, not Joey, is the one playing.]
Phoebe: So you like the drums! That's, that's great! Yknow, I was worried, that, you know, they would maybe an unbearable living situation. All right, okay, well, apparently not! So, yay!
[Rachel hits some tom-toms and ends up on the 'crash'-cymbal, which is in fact a ride-cymbal, but whatever...]
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Joey: Here. (Gives her the coins) Now I only owe you $49.50.
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting behind the drums wearing safety goggles, hitting them with his sticks as Rachel watches.]
Rachel: Joey, yknow that you could just not throw the sticks up in the air.
Phoebe: (entering with an aquarium covered by a towel) Hey, Joey, I got you another present. (She puts it on the counter)
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Rachel: Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Rachel: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Rachel: It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Phoebe, you and I are, are gonna live together, we're roommates; that's the deal.
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good. (She runs to the drums and gets the sticks)
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
[Scene: Halloween Adventure, a costume shop, there is a salesman behind the counter, Ross enters.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
[Monica picks up the bag, while Ross closes the door and hits Monica with his tail. They walk into the living room, and Monica empties the bag.]
Monica: Because Armadillos also wandered in the desert?
Ross: (to Monica) You wanna wander in the hall? (to Ben) Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?
[Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.]
Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
[They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices]
Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.
Chandler: Because, if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo? (Ross nods) ...are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode. Merry Christmas!
Ben: No! Why can't the Armadillo leave? I want Santa!
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Rachel: And remember how you always said you were afraid the landlord would find out and then tear it down?
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Rachel: You cant, because of the new skylight!
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Phoebe: You heard her too?! You have the gift!
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that shouldve just lasted just one day, burned for
Ross: Thats right, and thats why we celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Rachel: (seeing the collection of characters.) Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunnys funeral in here.
Ross: Come on, come on, were-were-were lighting the candles!
(They both go over to light the candles.)
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is closing the door on the tarantula cage.]
Joey: (yelling from the bedroom) Is it back in the cage?
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Rachel: What am I making him by the way?
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, Ill be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.)
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Pete: Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Joey: Right... (pause) ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.
Chandler: What are the odds? What are the odds?
Phoebe: Yeah. The 92 Ross wouldnt.
Phoebe: Okay, well you put down the toilet seat.
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) Its so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Ross: Okay, well the ??? is not home.
The Singing Man: Oh come on! Mornings here! (Starts singing) Mornings here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here!
(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
Dr. Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldnt make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say Like me! Like me tiny doctor!
Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think Im going to run to the ladies room.
Rachel: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I cant believe I missed it.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Rachel: (yelling at the stranger) Alright! Enough out of you!
Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.
Joey: Like you wouldnt believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
Ross: Why not? Its built into the price of the room.
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Monica: You better believe he's tired, after the day we had! If you know what I mean. You know what I mean?
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
Rachel: (refers to the table) What are these?
Monica: Maybe I do! Im pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)
[Cut to the balcony with Monica and Tim.]
Monica: (interrupting him) No-no-no, dont-dont do the accent. Youve got to see her again.
(They open the door.)
Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
(Janice runs into the bedroom.)
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
[Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.]
(The gang is stunned.)
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
The Singing Man: (singing) Mornings here! The mornings here!
The Singing Man: Hey! Youre back!
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees little Robert. Chandler is horrified by this view.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]