words in movies
Joey: Well all right then, I guess I shouldnt get to excited about the fact (excitedly) that I just kissed her!
(Joey nods yes, but suddenly realizes what he did and runs out of the apartment and back to his place.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
Chandler: (entering) Oh hey Rachel, sweetheart? You have got to tell the post office that you have moved. Okay? We are still getting all your bills and stuff. (Hands her all of her bills and stuff.)
Rachel: Oh-oh, Pottery Barn! (Grabs the aforementioned catalog and holds the rest back out to Chandler.) You can throw the rest away.
Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.)
Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!
Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Monica: Im tellingIf you put that in her apartment youll never hear the end of it.
Chandler: Ahh, just like the apothecary tables of yore
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Joey: If you want, Ill sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.
Phoebe: (sees the table) Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it?
Rachel: Ha! See, I knew, I knew youd get it on the first guess. Isnt it cool! Its an apothecary table.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (Shes opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions.
Phoebe: Yknow? Ooh, you can almost smell the opium.
Phoebe: Ohh, okay, they gave you the old time pricing.
Rachel: Uh, its from yore. Like the days of yore. Yknow?
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Rachel is entering as Ross comes out of the kitchen carrying popcorn.]
Ross: Well why not?! Shell-shell love it! Its the real thing! I got it at Pottery Barn.
Rachel: I know you did! I bought the same one! And if she sees your table shes gonna know that I lied to her. I told her ours was an original.
Rachel: I know! I know, she says its all mass-produced, nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up having the same stuff. (Ross looks at his table.) So come on, shes gonna be here any second! Can we please just cover this up with something?! Please?
Rachel: Ooh, Phoebes here! Okay, lets turn out all the lights and well just watch the movie!
Phoebe: Okay. HeyOoh, cool sheets! (Notices the sheet over the table.)
Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
Monica: The dinner will be ready in twenty minutes. This is so exciting.
Chandler: And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight. (Hands it to him.) You were also going to buy Monica flowers but you couldnt afford it, because you paid dinner last night.
Joey: I know, but dont you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?
(They exit and close the door.)
Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman!
Phoebe: Oh sure! (She goes to take her feet off, but drags the sheet with her which spills the wine.) Noo!
Rachel: Noooooo!! (Phoebe lifts up the sheet to discover the exact same apothecary table they have.)
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique!
Ross: Of course not, it smells like wine, which you spilled! And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Joey: Ha-ha, very funnyLook! I dont know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is showing Ross around the newly decorated living room.]
Rachel: see I cant decide whether it would go better next to the new wicker dining chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table.
Ross: A little? Your place looks like page 72 of the catalogue. Oh look at that! The ornamental bird cage! Large!
Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think hes ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
[Scene: The Street, Phoebe and Rachel are heading back from that Colonial flea market.]
Rachel: Pheebs, I dont know what to say. I guess the flea market was just better last time.
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
Phoebe: No! Look-look! Theres the coffee table they stole from us!
Phoebe: That fan kinda looks like ours. And the birdcage and the wait a sec! This is our exact living room!
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
Rachel: Well then honey, buy the lamp! Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross.
Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table is real.
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Janine: Well I did. I really did. And you guys, Ive got to say, Im sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something.
Chandler: And Im blah? Listen, the only thing more boring than watching modern dance is having to listen to you talk about it, (Imitating her) "Oh Chandler, I just lost myself in the moment."
Monica: (to Janine) Youd better hope I dont see you in the hallway!! (They exit.)
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. (He opens the door for her and she exits into the hallway.)
[Cut to the hallway, Janine is entering as Monica is taking out the garbage.]
Monica: What did I tell you about the hall?!
Monica: (hearing that) Thats it big girl! (Hits Janine in the butt with the garbage bag) Come on!
Janine: Wait! (Janine pauses, then runs down the stairs.)
(Joey and Chandler both come into the hallway.)
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
Ross: The paper.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
The Guys: Ohh!
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: The ring is gone!
Monica: Oh my God, you cant even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Monica: I dont believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
(They go back into the living room)
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didnt mind.
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
[Cut to the delivery room.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
David: Now, we should go back and take the other line.
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Ross: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why dont you just hand over the keys?
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can'tI still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
All: Ohh!! (they all start pointing at the screen)
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Joey: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat)
Monica: Have you ever taken out the trash? (Hands her the garbage.)
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Ross: (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
Joey: Hey! You guys! Youre not gonna believe this! I just got off the phone with my agent
Joey: But I'm the host!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, now its Phoebes turn to erase Chandler from the board.]
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals. [singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo, Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo. Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up, And that's how we get hamburgers. Nooowww, chickens!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
Monica: Uh-oh, whats the matter?
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
(The phone rings.)
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!
Phoebe: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: (on the other side of the line, still pretending to be Estelle) Joey, it's Estelle. (Joey's eyes bulge up, he looks afraid)
PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.
Chandler: To pay for the gym.