words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table eating cheesecake. The box it came in is also on the table.]
Rachel: (Comes in the front door and walks towards the kitchen.) Hi.
Rachel: Oh, yknow I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I(Chandler puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to look at the label on the box.)
Chandler: (nervously) It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us.
Chandler: Ino! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box.
Chandler: No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one and that way we all win! The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate, (Reading the label) Mommas Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible, Im a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
Monica: My God, I cant believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable!
Chandler: Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannies made some new friends.
Ross: Well l-look okay, its probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.
Rachel: (reading the note) "Pheebs, cant make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." (Laughs) Big Daddy?
Ross: Hey, yknow what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica shakes her head in disgust.)
Phoebe: So what?! That doesnt give you the right to ditch me!
Joey: Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for sex!
Ross: Phoebe hes right, that is the rule.
Ross: Hey Joe, while youre over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?
Joey: The RossIs that back?!! (Chandler motions no.)
Chandler: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!
Rachel: So just bring it back downstairs, whats the problem?
Chandler: (closing the box) Yknow what? Forget it! We are just hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch and forget about the cheesecake.
Rachel: Mommas Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. (They exit with the cheesecake.)
Joey: Aw! Does that mean the Sam Goodys sale is over?!
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasnt a mistake. Ahh, theres-theres limited seating in the hall.
Ross: Well yeah, but she doesnt know that. I mean, the last time she saw you-you wouldve turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling.
Monica: (disgusted) Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! Thats not the reason shes not inviting me!
Ross: Oh whats the big deal?! I wasnt even invited to the ceremony, just the reception. And-and yknow what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I will just make an appearance and then, and then well-well leave early as a sign of protest.
Ross: Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed!
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Ross: BecDid you not hear me?! Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department, okay? Theyre wild! Why do you want to come anyway?
[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachels building, Chandler and Rachel are returning from lunch.]
Rachel: (gasps) Its still there! (The cheesecake they returned to Mrs. Braverman is still lying in front of her door.)
Chandler: By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We dont want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
Chandler: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (Rachel grabs the cheesecake and they take off upstairs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are entering. As Phoebe is sitting down, she recognizes someone sitting at the counter.]
Phoebe: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David!
Phoebe: Well, of course I would want to see you. I I think about you all the time.
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time.
David: Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, yknow, next time youre in Minsk umm
Phoebe: No he wont. And thats not even the point! Monica, I made a whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now yknow what? Just because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I dont have my principles, I dont have anything!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
Ross: Oh here, I think this is us. (Reading the name cards.) Yeah.
Monica: Limited seating my ass. Lets see who made the cut. (To the couple sitting to her right.) Hi!
The Wedding Guest: Hi!
Monica: Im Monica Gellar. Who do you know the bride and groom?
The Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.
Monica: (to the couple on her left) So, how about you huh? How do you know the happy couple?
The Second Guest: We went to college with both of them and now we live next door.
[Scene: Iridium Restaurant, Phoebe and Joey are looking at the menus as the waiter comes to take their order.]
The Waiter: Hey!
The Waiter: Are you guys ready?
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
The Waiter: Okay.
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
The Waiter: Its uh, its already been roasted.
Phoebe: Oh Joey, weve heard the specials three times! Okay? Theres prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it to the waiter.)
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
The Waiter: (returning) Any progress?
Joey: Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.
Joey: Whats the rush? What?
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Joey: No, Im gonna!! Thats right! Yeah, you made me feel really guilty about goin out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to you! And now Pheebs, youre doing the same thing!
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Joey: Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist too!
Joey: (to the waiter) What are you still doin here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and catches her in the act.]
Chandler: Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!
Chandler: I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the cheesecake without me?!
Rachel: Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are desert stealers! We are living outside the law!
Chandler: Yknow what? I dont trust you with this cake anymore! And I got it first, and Im takin it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his apartment.)
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Rachel: Thats also the smaller piece. (Puts the piece onto a plate.) Okay, there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and dont come crying to me if you eat your piece to fast. (As shes saying that she is backing out the door, when she finishes she turns around to return to her place, stumbles and drops the cheesecake on the floor.) Oh!!!!
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and dont come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor. That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.)
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are sitting at the table, alone as a woman approaches.]
The Woman: Ross, sweetheart!
Ross: Yes, yes it is. Its uh (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!
Monica: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to mom.
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
David: Please, clean my beakers. I dont get out of the lab much.
David: Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.)
Phoebe: (seeing him) Okay, nows not the time Joey. All right? You can yell at me tomorrow.
Joey: No! No! No Pheebs, Im not gonna yell at you. I just yknow, started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay?
Phoebe: No Im not okay. The only guy Ive ever been crazy about has gone to Minsk and I may never I may never see him again. (Crying.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
[Scene: Cousin Frannies Wedding Reception, Ross and Monica are at the door and about to leave.]
(Ross hesitates then leans down trying to get her to kiss his cheek, but she moves his head around and kisses him on the lips again.)
Ross: Why?! Why on the lips?! (He wipes his mouth on Monicas wrap and walks off, leaving Aunt Millie stunned.)
Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.
Chandler: The cranberries...?
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
Joey: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monicas look) in exchange for money.
Joey: Oh yeah! The casserole lady.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
[The next one is from Episode 608: The One With Rosss Teeth, Chandler is accusing Joey of becoming less of a man.]
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Rachel: Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a minute, unless youre thinking about Naked Wednesdays.
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Monica: The three of us?
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Ray: Uh Joey, didnt your agents give you the revised rules? Weve eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.
Rachel: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Yknow, start the heeling process?
(Rachel enters, checking the mail, then looks up and sees Gladys placed on the barcalounger.)
Monica: That was the adoption agency...
(Monica enters from the spare bedroom.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
THE END
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. (laughs) Thats okay, youre still my number one guy! (slaps him on the butt) Bing!
Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)
Receptionist: Have a seat through the glass doors.
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah.� Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.� And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.
Ross: You're wearing the same shirt.
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
(Rachel enters from the main door)
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Tommy: Ooh, I dont know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Monica: (naughty in doorway) Welcome home. I�ve missed you. join me in the bedroom?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
(The agency guy enters the room)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Joey: Here, I brought you some flowers. (He pulls them out of the bag.)
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
Bitsy: By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter Jen.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Sarah: What? what is the matter with you?
Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.
Ross: Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne? (he goes to get the champagne)
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters the room.]
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Joey: (to the torte) Stop staring at me!
Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby. (holds up the sonogram)
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Phoebe: (likes the jacket) No, but I like it. I think I left one of my rat babies.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Monica: But we were hoping that since we told you the truth that you still might consider...
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
Danny: so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy?
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Ross: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
(Ross puts the piece back on the plate)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around the kitchen table as Ross enters.]
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Joannas telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)