words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Joey: That's the rule.
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Ross: The actress!
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Phoebe: The end.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Rachel: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
Amy: You know what? When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so great. Just us sisters, back together again like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh! Who has gotten fat by the way...
Joey: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
Emily: (on answering machine) Hello Ross? It's Emily. (Rachel runs back into the room with the tequila.) I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am. I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me? Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica: Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these... (plays with her hair to make the shells tingle again) Ow!
Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.
MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets.
[Phoebe waves Monica in. Monica sneaks in with the bag with Clunkers in it and heads for Phoebe's room.]
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right.
Joey: Yes. It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Combined! I don't want her to think I'm stupid!
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Joey: What is the big deal? (Tastes the breast milk.)
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
MONICA: You know, the guys are probably having a great time.
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and yknow what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) Im Ross! Im divorced, and I have a kid!
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Rachel: I dont know, Im sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Rachel: What are you doing?! Get in the front!
(Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
(Sound of dialing numbers is heard from the speaker of the machine)
Ross: Oh, you-you sure? (She nods yes.) Okay. (To the girl) Okay. So whats uh, whats your name.
Ross: (picks up a cookie) Okay, okay, see... that... that is the problem. He is too sensitive. (takes a bite from the cookie)
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Chandler: The one that doesn't.
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Ross: Do you think if the Ralph Lauren people offered her her old job back, she would take it?
PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?
Phoebe: Well, yknow I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Rachel: Yes! Great! Give me those cigs! Give it! Give it! (She grabs their cigarettes and lighters and throws them in the trash.)
(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)
Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? Whats going on?
Ross: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, everybody does! Im a really cool person. And y'know you had 29 years to find that out, but you didnt even try! Y'know what, you walked out on me, and Im just, Im gonna do the same thing to you.
Donny: You crossed the line. Joey, describe for Gene these things that have lines. Give me 20 seconds on the clock, please. Ready, go!
Sarah: So thats two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping its wings.)
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Chandler: (On cell phone) Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it. Yes it will be the same. Because I know, that's how. I promise.
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and(Stops suddenly.)
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
(Everyone heads for the door.)
Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.
Rachel: You mean the one that youre wearing? (Adjusts Monicas pink bra strap as Monica looks down her shirt.)
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door, turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And thats every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again
David: Really? Because I think about you all the time.
Monica: You say Thank you very much, and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, were gonna put are hands in this bowl, and were gonna start squishing the tomatoes.
Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, whats the next little bit?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: Are you kidding?! I get a Porsche and the barca loungers gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)
Rachel: Ugh. (takes the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with it)
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
Rachel: So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room. (Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant poll taking? (all raise their hands).
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Yknow, kinda like a peace offering.
Rachel: (breaking the kiss) Oh God!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
CHANDLER: There's the man.
Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what youre keeping me married too?!
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Joey: Yeah, but, hey look, dont go through her stuff. She gets really mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)
[They all run to get in the cab, and Chandler pulls out a smoke.]
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
[The waiter comes to the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Some time later that day. The group has left and Charlie is there when Ross enters.]
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Another night of birdogging the chickas?
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janines party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! Ill do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I dont need you or anybody else! Im gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) Youll see!! Youll all see!!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]