words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Joey: That's the rule.
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Ross: The actress!
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Phoebe: The end.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
Monica: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Ross: But having a dove place the ring on your finger wouldve been no problem?
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Rachel: Barry was the guy that I was almost married and Mindy was my best friend.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
(Trying on a hat and talking to his own reflection in the mirror)
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross standing in the hallway.) Yesss?
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Chandler: Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the phone so that Monica can hear it as well.)
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
Joey: I'm gonna say someone I'm gonna have sex with. (the girl leaves and Phoebe goes toward the couch) (to Phoebe) Hey!
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: (covering his eyes) Dude! That's my sister! (She shows the rest of the gang.)
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Phoebe: I know, I know! I'm like playing the field. Y'know? Like, juggling two guys, I'm sowing my wild oats. Y'know? Y'know, this kind've like y'know oat-sowin', field-playin' juggler.
Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Phoebe: Exactly! Look, no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life. Of all the people I have cut out, you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in.
Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, shes the same size as me.
Charlie: It's great. You're gonna be the hit of the conference.
Monica: (opening the door) What are you doing?
Doctor: Ill be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
[Cheryl shrugs, shuts the door, looking puzzled]
Receptionist: (holds up her handshe is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Joey: Oh, c'mon, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie, and it's like... (sighs) What the hell is my problem? OH! (He falls back on the bed)
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
RACHEL: Why the hell didn't you tell me!
Joey: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy Im getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
ROSS: (putting his arm up with his hand on the door frame.)� Why?� (He starts to lower his arm.)
MONICA: I just can't stand you being here all the time.
Phoebe: After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.
Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.
ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
Mrs. Geller: The sexy blonde behind the counter. (She waves at Gunther who waves back.)
Phoebe: Okay, but this cant be good for the baby.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Rachel: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!
Ticket Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the boarding call for Flight 009.
[Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place and notices something in the window.]
Pete: Monica? (the gang ducks and hides)
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?
Monica: Ok, so there's not a magazine under the couch, or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank, or a filthy video in the VCR?
Joey: In the box.
Elizabeth: (ignoring him and picking up a pitcher) Who drank all the Kamikazes?
Chandler: (joining them) Okay, how'd it go at the doctor's?
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
(they all tear off the wrapping paper)
Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.]
Rachel: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
KID: [shouting out the door] She's here.
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
(The girls are stumped)
Chandler: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello? (listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? (listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes?
Dennis Phillips: Oh, Im so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at auditions.
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Monica: Well Im not sure yet, but umm of the top of my head Im thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Rachel: Ahh .So Wow The spring line, its really going to be great this year, huh?
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.
Monica: No honey, Im sorry, but the weekends not over yet.
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Ross: Uh, actually I think she went to the salon.
Mr. Bowmont: What the hell, its for a good cause! All right!
Joey: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?
Estelle: (on the other side of the line) Joey! It's Estelle!
The Salesman: Well ah, what can you swing?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Rachel: Yeah. It was after the party, we were on the balcony and...
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!