words in movies
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Rachel: Wait a minute, youre only giving free stuff away to the pretty girls?
Joey: How about a scone on the house baby?
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Phoebe: (To Ross) Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or thats bitter?
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that couldve ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! Im the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get a job, youre gonna get an apartment, and then Ill help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Gunther: Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars.
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Joey: (to a woman who came in third in a modeling contest) Sorry! (He grabs her muffin away and returns it to the serving tray.)
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross: Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one. (Holds it up for her.)
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Ross: Oh yeah, how about you and the, (mimics her fake cry) "Im sorry!"
Phoebe: What about, what about when I said yknow about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Monica: (wiping her nose) Are you saying that you dont wanna get with this? (Tries to do a little sexy body rub, but it doesnt work all that well with the big robe.)
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
Rachel: Well, itd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Phoebe: But great news about the apartment pants, huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Rachel: (on the couch) Oh hi! Yknow, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Jill: Hes the kind of guy youre friends with, yknow? But hes not the kind of guy you date. Hes the kind of guy youd date because you did. Me, not so much.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Monica: (trying to be seductive) Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed.
Monica: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Monica: I cant believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Rachel: Uh, Im just, Im just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing?
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
(There is no credits scene, just a preview of the next couple of episodes.)
Rachel: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.
Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)
Monica: Whats the part?
MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?
Phoebe: Look at all the stuff people sent!
Joey: Thank you! Well, I guess now I know who Im taking to the awards. (Points to Rachel.)
MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
(Joey successfully enters the entertainment center, and Chandler closes the door on Joey.)
Monica: Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in!
[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II] [Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the supervisor.]
Emily: Well, that me. (They kiss again.) Here, have this. (She gives him the candy bar.) Im only allowed one piece of carryon anyway. (She starts towards the jetway.)
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
Joey: Did you see the size of the closets?!
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention (walks away)
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger)
Phoebe: This is completely normal, around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy.
Janice: Oh my Gawd, I-I understand. I-I am so sorry, Ill go. (Starts for the door.) Good-bye Monica (hugs her), I wish you a lifetime of happiness with him. Chandler, (hugs him) you call me when this goes in the pooper. (Hurries out.)
Rachel: Sometimes just nodding is ok. (pause) Uhm, so but anyway, listen, not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever, ever made. Honey, you deserve true love. Your soulmate is out there, somewhere. Someone that is your age, that is smart, that is fun and that you care about!
Phoebe: (interrupting) Dive. Yeah, they dove head-first into fun on the farm.
Monica: (breaking the kiss) Yknow whats weird?
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
Phoebe: (coming in from the bathroom) Oh, good, good, you guys are here! Listen, how would like to spend tomorrow taking care of three incredibly cute little puppies?!
MONICA: (taps chandler on the arm) You can go.
Melissa: Oh, isnt a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and Shhhs it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.s appointment book, to read it she opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)
Richard: Oh, okay. Well, Ill just leave the door open and go sit on the couch. (Does so.)
BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that.
[Scene: The lobby in Ross's building, we see a flyer that is on the bulletin board that reads, "Are you the Hot Girl who waved at me? If so, give me a call!" and it's signed, Joey 629-9*** (The last couple of numbers have been ripped off). Anyhoo, Ross is getting his mail.]
Chandler: Oh my God this doesnt count! Okay? The interview was over, that was the real Chandler Bing in there, this is just some crazy guy out in the hall! Call security! Theres a crazy guy out in the hall!
Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
(He thinks about it and decides to join in by turning over a chair and continue ransacking the place.)
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?
Rachel: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Yknow, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Monica: Phoebe! Rachel! Its Monica! I wonder what you could possibly need me for on such short notice! (She bursts into the apartment to find only Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.) Oh.
Charlie: Well... I'm just thinking that maybe he's not the right guy to be with right now, maybe I should be with someone... I have more in common with. You know what I mean?
Joey: Me too! Hey Rach, can I just say I think this is the best date I ever had!
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Ross: That's all right, Rach, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up?
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
Phoebe: Great! Okay, if youll just excuse me. (To the guy) So, did you hear something you liked?
(He kisses her on her shoulder, then her neck, then the side of her face, then just before he kisses her on the lips....)
Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, heres the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...
Chandler: What is the thing?
Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, Im-Im happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
Monica: (seeing her) Okay, lets go!! Lets hit the road!!
Rachel: (lifts for a toast) Okay, as everybody has ordered, I would like to start the celebration and make a toast � to Phoebe. She dropped her sock.
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Ross: I cant believe this! I shouldnt be the one making her throw up!
Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Monica: Say it louder, I dont think the guy all the way in the back heard you!
[Cut back to the TV, the cops are leading Dr. Wesley out, and as they pass Remoray and Wesley exchange evil glances.]
Monica: Thanks. (Joeys still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
[Scene: The Street, Phoebe and Rachel are heading back from that Colonial flea market.]
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
Ross: (browsing the brochure) I guess...It still seems a little...(enthusiastically) moonlight boat ride!!
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?
Chandler: Thats the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Monica: I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
The Doctor: (seeing theyre not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(The oven timer pings again.)
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Joey: No, no, no! Its real! And it has been since 1998. (Rachel returns from the bathroom.) Hey Rach! Rach! Im up for a Soapie!
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Phoebe: I cant help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.