words in movies
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldnt split our 80 dollar phone bill in half.
Woman: How much do I owe you for the muffin and the latte?
Joey: Oh thats on the house courtesy of Joey Tribbiani.
Rachel: Wait a minute, youre only giving free stuff away to the pretty girls?
Joey: How about a scone on the house baby?
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Ross: When you put a D at the end of Fine youre not fine.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Phoebe: (To Ross) Which-which sister is this? Is this the spoiled one or thats bitter?
Jill: That he wouldnt pay for my lawyer! Then he told me to come here and learn about the value of money from the one daughter hes actually proud off.
Chandler: Boy did we make friends with the wrong sister! (Rachel glares at him.)
Rachel: Jill, honey, I think this is the best thing that couldve ever happened to you. I mean you needed to get out on your own anyway! And you know when I did it, I-I-I at first I was scared, and look at me now! Im the only daughter dad is proud of! Okay, well this is, this is what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get a job, youre gonna get an apartment, and then Ill help you and you can stay with us. Right Pheebs, she can stay with us?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is working as Phoebe and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Gunther: Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me, and Joey owes eight dollars.
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Joey: (to a woman who came in third in a modeling contest) Sorry! (He grabs her muffin away and returns it to the serving tray.)
Jill: (entering, carrying a bunch of shopping bags) I just had the hardest day. Those bags are so heavy. (Sets them down.)
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Rachel: All right, its okay. One little setback is okay, just dont let it happen again, all right? Now since daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But Im just gonna take the-the pajmena. (Ross hands it to her.) And the uh, and the uh pants. Yknow what, Im just gonna take it all away, cause that way youll just really learn the lesson. Okay? All righty, Im gonna run a couple of errands and I will see you at dinner. (Leaves with all of Jills stuff.)
Ross: Yeah. Everything but, the little blue one. (Holds it up for her.)
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Ross: Oh yeah, how about you and the, (mimics her fake cry) "Im sorry!"
Phoebe: What about, what about when I said yknow about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still very sick and is entering the living room from the bathroom wearing a robe. Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Monica: (wiping her nose) Are you saying that you dont wanna get with this? (Tries to do a little sexy body rub, but it doesnt work all that well with the big robe.)
Monica: Im with you Chandler! I mean I cant have sex with a sick person either, thats disgusting! But Im not sick! Let me prove it to you. We are two healthy people in the pribe of libe.
Chandler: Thats the thing, see I would like to stay in the pribe of mwha-ah-libe.
Rachel: Well, itd better not be about the apartment pants, because I just pitched the idea to my boss at Ralph Lauren and she loved it.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Phoebe: But great news about the apartment pants, huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Rachel: (on the couch) Oh hi! Yknow, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
Rachel: That is great. Hey, yknow who doesnt have to job hunt? Ross. He works at the university.
Jill: Hes the kind of guy youre friends with, yknow? But hes not the kind of guy you date. Hes the kind of guy youd date because you did. Me, not so much.
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler has fallen asleep reading a book. Monica calls from the bedroom and wakes him up.]
Chandler: Oh what is it honey, you need some tea? Some soup? (He gets up from the couch and goes into the bedroom to find Monica, still in the robe, lying seductively on the bed. Or at least shes trying too and as he enters the room, she takes the robe off on of her legs.) Oh-ohhhh!
Monica: (trying to be seductive) Calling Dr. Big, Dr. Big to the bed.
Monica: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still sick and is hobbling out into the living room for some help from Chandler whos on the couch reading.]
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
(To start this task, she lowers the top of her robe to reveal that she is naked from the waist up, well at least her back is, and starts to rub on the gunk. Chandler notices this, and has something start happening. Ill let you fill in the blank here.)
Monica: I cant believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Chandler: Well that was before all the vaporizing action.
Chandler: Okay! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Jill: This is where Ross and I are meeting for our date. So, what do you think? (She spins to show Rachel the outfit shes wearing.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Monica: (calling from the bathroom) Is someone there?
Chandler: (calling from the bathroom) What are you doing here?
Rachel: Uh, Im just, Im just looking out your window. At-at the view. What are you guys doing?
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Who? (She looks out the window at Rosss apartment) Is that your sister?
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
(There is no credits scene, just a preview of the next couple of episodes.)
Mr. Geller: Boy, Im glad I wore the big belt today.
Joey: I know, she may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the sex of the baby?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, its just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
Ross: Hey-hey, its valid okay? And Im not the only one who thinks so, Monica agrees with me.
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Gavin: Exactly how contagious is this thing you have? I mean is it a cold for standing on the balcony or did a monkey bite you?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Claudia: Yes, in Oklahoma it�s legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. (passing the pack) Would you like one?
Ross: Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way (he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well Im (He goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.
Ross: (grabbing the wheel) What-what are you doing?! Are youOkay thats not funny! Just stop horsing around!
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?
Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcers voice) Rachel Green! Lets play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the babys bath water?
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
Ross: It makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.
Janice: In the park?
(Seeing Rachels apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
Charlie: Oh, well, we can go see the Chronos Quartet at the Avery Fisher Hall.
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
Ross: The one that always stares at me when I come in?
RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
Monica: Wait a minute, she isnt Shes not the one who you
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Monica: Honey, whats the matter?
Ross: Joeys asking if youve just ruined the first book hes ever loved that didnt star Jack Nicholson?
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
Chandler: Honey, I dont like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didnt get the part?
MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
ROSS: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Mrs. Geller: Oh no, dont be silly. I just bet Id need these. (Opens the freezer to reveal )
Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.
Monica: Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
[Scene: The ride along.]
Monica: Nice work everybody! So much for the yknow, "You can drive it, but dont tell Rachel" plan!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
Joey: Okay, bye. (He hangs up the phone.)
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
Rachel: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Petes.]
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Ross: Ah, well all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)