words in movies
Monica: Ross, we're kind of in the middle of diner here.
Ross: You too! What are the odds?
Monica: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...
Monica: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of being an official Bing.
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Chandler: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.
Rachel: (to maitre d') Hi, I'm here to see mr Campbell... with Gucci. The reservation is probably under Gucci. It's spelled like Gukki, which could be confusing.
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Mr Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resumé.
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.
Chandler: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Rachel: Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Ross: This is the single greatest day of my professional career. Gunther, six glasses!
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
(they all drink from the champagne, but clearly dislike the taste of it)
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
Ross: Oh... (to the others) Little heads-up would have been nice.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's future house. They enter the living room with the realtor and Joey.]
Monica: Thank you for letting us see the house again.
Realtor: Take as long as you want. Just let me know when you're through. (she leaves the room)
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Joey: (turns the card around, obviously had the wrong answer) Ow!
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Rachel: (Is embarrassed for a moment, but it quickly passes) Well, now I don't have to. (The man leaves instantly)
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Ross: (stares at her through the door and starts pushing the chair harder, looking very annoyed. He finally manages) (sarcastic) I'm sorry, it's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway!
Rachel: (turns around) Mark? Oh my God! (puts the box on the chair and they hug each other)
Mark: Sure, sure. (To Ross) What's with the chair. (Rachel signals him not to mention she's been fired)
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Rachel: Ross, you know what? (looks over to the door and sees security staring at them) Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security. (Takes her box and leaves. Ross follows her and then returns for the chair. He stands for a moment, then pushes it quickly in the general direction Rachel went into, and out of the camera's view, and then nonchalantly walks away)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's new house. Sitting near the window, they look at the neighborhood.]
Monica: Oh, I love this street. The trees, the big front yards, the actual picket fences.
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
Joey: Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Monica: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Joey's on the phone.]
Mackenzie: (at the other end of the line) I don't know... You know what? I'm gonna put you on with my bear. Hold on. (she puts the phone at the bears ear)
THE END
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The living room.]
PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!
Joey: Man, Im starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! "Do you want soup or salad?" Both! Always order both!
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
(Another woman enters without a coat or blazer and tries to sit at the blue table.)
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
Rachel: (pretends to be shocked) Uh! The police!
Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.
Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah!
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?
Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long?
(They both walk to the door and enter the hallway.)
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Ross: THE HELL I DO!
Chandler: Im watching the game, but Im not deaf!
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
(Erica, the pregnant girl, enters)
SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
THE END
Rachel: Well Ill tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his wifeThey-they cant have children. So umm, and thatwe were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Phoebe: (awed) You have the power to do that?
Monica: To use the bathroom.
Monica: (Chandler's laughing) Did someone drop the baton again?
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.
Rachel: Ha! See, I knew, I knew youd get it on the first guess. Isnt it cool! Its an apothecary table.
The Porsche Owner: But its my car!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)
[Scene: The hospital. Continued from earlier.]
(They walk over to the door.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
(She points at the stain.)
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
Joey: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!
(They all walk over to see the baby.)
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Monica: I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.
Ross: (sarcastic) So you wanna buy a house in the 50's?
[Scene: Joey's bedroom. Joey's asleep with Hugsy, the penguin right next to him.]
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
(She pulls him over to the door.)
Joey: Hey, maybe that's for the best.
Phoebe: Get out of the cab!
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
Nina: I dont know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Joey: Yeah according to the news, most of the city did.
Phoebe: Roll playing You could be the warden; she could be the prisoner. You could be the pirate; she could be the wench!
(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
Ginger: Dont you have to use the bathroom?
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!
Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding.
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Chandler: Thats not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Ross: I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.
(She runs up to the gate and the gate attendant standing there.)
(She holds the phone down to the twins.)
Chandler: What's the matter?
Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
(the Charity guy smiles wanting to take the check, but Phoebe pulls it back again. His smile fades.)
Joey: I need to say goodbye to the table first.
Joey: Yeah, they're stuck inside the table!
Ross: I am not doing this over the phone.
[Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]
Monica: I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!
Joey: What's it sound like? It's a guy with my identical hands! It was incredible! Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like me! It-it was like looking at my hands in a mirror!
Phoebe: Uhm, actually no. No, you've... You have to get off the plane.
Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.