words in movies
Monica: Ross, we're kind of in the middle of diner here.
Ross: You too! What are the odds?
Monica: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...
Monica: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of being an official Bing.
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Chandler: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.
Rachel: (to maitre d') Hi, I'm here to see mr Campbell... with Gucci. The reservation is probably under Gucci. It's spelled like Gukki, which could be confusing.
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Mr Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resumé.
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.
Chandler: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Rachel: Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Ross: This is the single greatest day of my professional career. Gunther, six glasses!
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
(they all drink from the champagne, but clearly dislike the taste of it)
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
Ross: Oh... (to the others) Little heads-up would have been nice.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's future house. They enter the living room with the realtor and Joey.]
Monica: Thank you for letting us see the house again.
Realtor: Take as long as you want. Just let me know when you're through. (she leaves the room)
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Joey: (turns the card around, obviously had the wrong answer) Ow!
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Rachel: (Is embarrassed for a moment, but it quickly passes) Well, now I don't have to. (The man leaves instantly)
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Ross: (stares at her through the door and starts pushing the chair harder, looking very annoyed. He finally manages) (sarcastic) I'm sorry, it's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway!
Rachel: (turns around) Mark? Oh my God! (puts the box on the chair and they hug each other)
Mark: Sure, sure. (To Ross) What's with the chair. (Rachel signals him not to mention she's been fired)
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Rachel: Ross, you know what? (looks over to the door and sees security staring at them) Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security. (Takes her box and leaves. Ross follows her and then returns for the chair. He stands for a moment, then pushes it quickly in the general direction Rachel went into, and out of the camera's view, and then nonchalantly walks away)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's new house. Sitting near the window, they look at the neighborhood.]
Monica: Oh, I love this street. The trees, the big front yards, the actual picket fences.
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
Joey: Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Monica: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Joey's on the phone.]
Mackenzie: (at the other end of the line) I don't know... You know what? I'm gonna put you on with my bear. Hold on. (she puts the phone at the bears ear)
THE END
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah Ill take that.
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Uhh, well lets see. (Grabs his hand.) Youre aboutwell uh, this one is large. And this one(Grabs the other hand.)
Joey: (disappointed) Oh... oh, but that's ok, I'll find someone else to do it... I'll do it alone, but... I don't know what happens if the sea turtle catches you...
Joey: (angrily and monotone) Any one of the brilliant actresses nominated for this award tonight deserves to take it home. Unfortunately only one can. (Shakes his head in disgust.) The nominees for Best Supporting Actress are from Passions Erin Goff. (There is applause, which Joey disgustedly waits to dye out.) From One Life to Live Mary Loren Bishop (They start to applaud again, but Joey interrupts in with the rest of the nominees), from All My Children Sarah Mchann, and from Days of Our Lives Jessica Ashley. And the winner is (Opens the envelope) Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. (Applause) Uh, unfortunately Jessica couldnt be with us tonight so Ill be accepting this award on her behalf. (Realizes something) And Im sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents who always believed in me. Shed also like to thank my friends, Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel whos sittin right there! (Points at Rachel.) (The music starts and his microphone is turned off, this angers Joey again and he disgustedly exits.)
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Gunther: ...and after youve delivered the drinks, you take the empty tray....
Chandler: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
Rachel: (checking the speed dial) All right, first name on the speed dial is mom.
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Rachel: (opening the door) Hi Daddy.
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaires here!
Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: Pheebs! Youre blocking the porn! Look out!
Rachel: Shhh! I want to hear the rest!
Chandler: Yknow you, really didnt have to take me to the airport.
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys, there is lumber all over the apartment]
Rachel: Hey, so you guys, the funniest thing happened, at work...
Monica: They all came from the list you handed out to us two weeks ago.
Phoebe Sr: No, no, thats just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year! And Im very sorry, but I dont know where your Father is, and thats the truth.
Ross: Oh yeah, how about you and the, (mimics her fake cry) "Im sorry!"
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kims waiting for it. The door opens and Rachel is inside.]
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?
Ross: (reading the newspaper) Hey, heres a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?
Ross: (to the woman checking her mail next to him) Hey!
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up (Gavin shows up at the balcony windows).
ROSS: I'll take that dad. [grabs the bat]
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
Chandler: So, hows the hideously inappropriate crush on Rachel coming?
David: ...it's uhm... i-it's two on each cheek and uhm... and one on the lips.
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
Chandler: (walks up to the Maitre d') Excuse me...
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
Mona: Hey its Mona! From the wedding.
Rachel: (She turns around very slowly, looks at him for a second and then turns back to her coffee) Sure. (She gives him the cup she was pouring for herself without looking at him)
Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?!
Chandler: Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.) Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and they both run out.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.
Rachel: Oh, what is wrong with me lately? I mean its like every guy I seeI mean look here. (Points behind them) Look at that guy for example, I mean normally thats not someone I would-would be attracted to, but right now, with the way Im feeling, all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack.
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Frank: I know a guy whos the 18th.
Chandler: (to the ticket agent) American Express?
Ross: 11, unbelievable, 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.)
Monica: Well now, I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love! I mean, I get all those presents (Motions to the pile in the corner) without having to talk to people I dont even like!
Passenger #1: Yeah! The left Philange!
Rachel: Excuse me, can I, can I bum one of those? (He holds up his pack.) Y'know what, actually (She takes the one he's smoking and heads over to where Nancy and Kim are standing and laughing.) Okay, okay, okay, what's so funny over here?
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
Joey: (To a co-worker) Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. (A customer walks by.) Bijan for men? (The customer ignores him, and Joey starts to chase him) Bijan for men?!
Joey: Ohh, well, thats ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. Its up here on some hook..and smells different.
Monica: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay? (She pours out the rest of her change purse into the bucket.)
Carol: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but dont punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
Director: Okay, heres where we go to the live shot of Times Square, nice work everyone thats a wrap!
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Ross: (pretend fishing in the living room) Ohh, Gellers got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! (Swinging the rod back and forth) Its the classic struggle between man and(swings the rod and knocks over a lamp.) Someone knocked over a lamp.
Rachel: Hey, so did everything go all right with the annulment?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Ross: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course Im stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, Ive got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didnt want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch.
Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
Monica: (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!
Joey: Im just so nervous! Yknow? The callback isnt until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode!
Monica: It sounds like its coming from across the street.
(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
Phoebe: Hello, is this the creepy residence?
Monica: What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him.
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.]
Mike: (doing Monica and mumbling): Serve the ball, chump.
Chandler: Oh, sure, she was probably up all night, excited about the party she knows is happening.
Ross: (shocked and confused by the question) What? I... I... (Benjamin looks at him as if to say "What's wrong? Answer the question")
Phoebe: Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Ross: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. (The guys celebrate.) All right, thats 4 for the guys. Ladies, youre up.
Joey: No! I want an award I did win! But nobodys giving me any of those! PlusHey Rach, if-if I put it up there (Points to the TV) right? When people come over theyll see it and theyll think I won it.
Rachel: I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? (Mona looks at her.) I am so gonna leave right now. (Ross opens the door for her and she leaves.)
Phoebe: This is so cool, til Monica gets back, its like Im head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)
Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes."
Joey: All right, Im gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.)
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God.
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Monica: Im gonna hang this basket (Points to the one sitting on the table) on the door and when the neighbors walk by they can all take a piece.
Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more
Joey: No, no, no! (Starts looking around the room, terrified) Don't drop by, don't drop by!
Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know?
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)