words in movies
Monica: Ross, we're kind of in the middle of diner here.
Ross: You too! What are the odds?
Monica: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...
Monica: I'm sorry. It's just the idea of being an official Bing.
Chandler: Hey! I will have you know that... aah, who am I kidding. Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Chandler: Hey Joe! We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house. You want to come with us?
Monica: All right. I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Chandler: Yeah, come with us. You'll see how close it is to the city.
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
Joey: What? No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move. I'm gonna make them stay here.
Rachel: (to maitre d') Hi, I'm here to see mr Campbell... with Gucci. The reservation is probably under Gucci. It's spelled like Gukki, which could be confusing.
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Mr Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resumé.
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.
Chandler: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Rachel: Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go, because I'm not a team player. And I said "Wait a minute! Yes I am." and I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that in fact... was true.
Ross: Hey! Wha-hoo! What's this? (showing the bottle) Well it's a, it's a bottle of champagne. Why is this here?
Ross: This is the single greatest day of my professional career. Gunther, six glasses!
Ross: I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery... Hey Rach, so uh... how did your thing go?
(they all drink from the champagne, but clearly dislike the taste of it)
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
Ross: Oh... (to the others) Little heads-up would have been nice.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's future house. They enter the living room with the realtor and Joey.]
Monica: Thank you for letting us see the house again.
Realtor: Take as long as you want. Just let me know when you're through. (she leaves the room)
Monica: Maybe because it's you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Joey: (squinting his eyes) Are you kiddin'? I think I just saw a bat in the corner!
Chandler: When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Joey: (turns the card around, obviously had the wrong answer) Ow!
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Rachel: (Is embarrassed for a moment, but it quickly passes) Well, now I don't have to. (The man leaves instantly)
(In the meantime, Ross is trying to squeeze and push a rather large chair through the revolving doors of the Ralph Lauren building.)
Ross: (stares at her through the door and starts pushing the chair harder, looking very annoyed. He finally manages) (sarcastic) I'm sorry, it's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway!
Rachel: (turns around) Mark? Oh my God! (puts the box on the chair and they hug each other)
Mark: Sure, sure. (To Ross) What's with the chair. (Rachel signals him not to mention she's been fired)
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Rachel: Ross, you know what? (looks over to the door and sees security staring at them) Okay, let's talk about it later, there comes security. (Takes her box and leaves. Ross follows her and then returns for the chair. He stands for a moment, then pushes it quickly in the general direction Rachel went into, and out of the camera's view, and then nonchalantly walks away)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's new house. Sitting near the window, they look at the neighborhood.]
Monica: Oh, I love this street. The trees, the big front yards, the actual picket fences.
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Monica: Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you wanna go see your room?
Joey: Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Monica: Oh please! Yesterday on the subway? You couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts the whole time.
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Chandler: How did the job stuff go?
Rachel: I know, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren. The money is great...
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's. Joey's on the phone.]
Mackenzie: (at the other end of the line) I don't know... You know what? I'm gonna put you on with my bear. Hold on. (she puts the phone at the bears ear)
THE END
Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
Ross: Well, you know what... I-I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't in love with Gary Poppins out there... But I just... I can't... I can't go through with this.
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it .Oh My God, Im a women!!!
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Cliff: Im telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings]
Gary: Okay, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?!
Ross: (looking at the coffee table where his money was) Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
Guy: Hi! Its Tom, Im here to pick up the phone.
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you...
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
(The intercom buzzes)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]
(The man gives up, shaking his head.)
Rachel: Wow! Tell me something Joey(She falls off the couch)Whoa! I just fell right off the couch there.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Phoebe: All right, fine, fine, but if youre my next victim, dont come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey
Monica: Oh my God! Thats my restaurant, Im the chef there.
Doug: Now get on out of here, you! (smacks him on the butt)
Monica: No. He teaches a course on food criticism at the New School, so before we go to the movies I wanna go by there and make him try my bouillabaisse again. Oh, I cannot wait to read the front page of the Post tomorrow! "Restaurant reviewer admits: I was wrong about Monica."
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Phoebe: (stops) Please! Please! Please! Please! Oh please! Please! Please! Frank and Alice asked me to baby sit the triplets and Im nervous cause Ive never done that before by myself!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is lying in front of the bay window, and the phone rings.]
Rachel: Get the hell out of there, yknow?
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.]
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
(Rachel points out of the window.)
Phoebe: Well, this doesnt have to be so sad though. Yknow? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much youre gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things youre not gonna miss.
(Marcel grabs the remote.)
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
Chandler: Are you serious?! I mean like eloping?! No more stupid wedding stuff?! No more these flowers or these flowers or these flowersThink of the money well save!! (Monica just looks at him.) Were not eloping. I love the flowers. Can our wedding be bigger please?
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Chandler: Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?!
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
[Scene: The Roof, Ross and Joey are banging on the door.]
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Phoebe: Yeah! Its so much better than first grade when you dont know whats going on and definitely better than third grade. Yknow with all the politics and mind games.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Rachel: Could tonight be the Night?
MONICA: I've gotta get back in the game.
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.
Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler cant stand it. He wont even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.
Monica: Yeah, we named the boy Jack after dad.
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Monica: Well, what's the job?
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Chandler: Why dont you use ours across the hall, cause she has problems.
Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Rachel: Well, uhm... whatever, I have really appreciated it, 'cause I don’t think I would be the person that I am today if it wasn’t for you guys. See, I wanna help Amy the way you guys helped me. And I know it’s gonna take patience, but that’s ok.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are looking at some photos and they're sitting next to the window.]
Charlie: Ooh... Is it because of what might be on the bedspread, because I saw that news report too, with the infra red and the ... I could just...
(Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.)
(Monica runs out to Phoebe, who is in the kitchen)
Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?
Phoebe: But at least the apothecary table is real.
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom.
(Ross gets up from the table.)
Ross: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know?
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Rachel: Aww. Well, ok, well that's very nice. And you wrote a card (opens the card). "From Gavin"
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.
Joey: (taking a bite) Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?
Ross: By using CT scans and computer imaging we can in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century.
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Supervisor: So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to sell as much toner as you possibly can.
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Ross: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
Ross: Yknow what? Shed-shed love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, thats the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, its an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Joey: Why? (In Drakes voice.) Why cant the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?
(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and youre sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)