words in movies
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Phoebe: A-Allright, well... I'll call the cab company.
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.
DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.
Ross: So, for the whole weekend?
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
{Transcibers note: Ill finish that one for those of you who dont know what theyre talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Threes Company too! Yeah, thats the theme song for Threes Company.}
Rachel: Hi! Uhh, do you guys have plans for the weekend? Because I have my sister on hold, and she said that we could use her cabin for the weekend and go skiing. Huh? Im asking you first, right?!. I mean Im playing by the rules.
Monica: Come on! So she comes to the wedding! I mean it wont be so bad.
Ross: Yeah, I-I really do. (takes a dinosaur mug out of the box) Hey! This-this was a gift?!
Joey: Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
Phoebe: How about just the bridemaids?
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
[Reset, theyre about to start the scene when Katie suddenly jumps up startling Jennifer.]
Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.)
Rachel: And I hope its not an inappropriate time to say this but, youre the best sex I ever had.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he wont notice the bed.
(Monica goes into the bathroom and Rachel thinks quickly.)
Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! Youre alive! Youre alive!
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
Joey: Or.. we could flip a coin, and then multiply the..
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
Chandler: Yknow when you guys said you were gonna go across the hall and look, you dont, you dont do that every year do you?
(She kisses him on the cheek)
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
(They both start squishing the tomatoes.)
Chandler: Oh, whats the matter?
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]
RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you know?
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
Ross: (in a strange voice and eating candies) The big apple!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to Richard on the phone.]
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
Monica: Whats the matter?
Chandler: (talking out of the side of his mouth) I'm not mad.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
ERICA: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?
(She does so, he closes the door, and she pushes him against the doorknob again.)
Ross: Look Rach I-Im sorry, okay? I I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
JANITOR: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
Ross: Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job?
Richard: All right. This is the kitchen.
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
Monica: Well I-I really dont remember the name of it.
Chandler: (thinks) That's the perfect amount!
Rachel: Huh, thats funny. You look like youre gonna be the
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. Joey and Rachel enter the room]
Monica: No! No. Theyre umm Theyre just uh ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.)
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)
Rachel: Do you want to put the book in the freezer?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: Oh dont listen to him, hes just some guy who really wants the apartment, but I dont think hes gonna get it.
Monica: (from the bedroom) Dont come in here!
Rachel: God! DontWe cant let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait shell be in the gown and then he wont show up and then shes gonna have to take off the gown
(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.)
Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'
(The door opens.)
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Monica: Oh, thats okay. By the way, I was just checking the shower massager.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Phoebe: What does the sign say?
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
Monica: Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy dance.)
Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
Monica: Well actually, I-I didnt eat mine. Its still in the bathroom.
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
Phoebe: No, the No Smoking sign. Theres no smoking in my Grandmothers cab.
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Monica: (laughs) This is Chandlers chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.)
Chandler: Im in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think theres something wrong.
(Rachel tackles Monica onto the couch.)
Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is a bit upset) Oh, it's OK, no, he was old, yeah! And he lived a full life, he was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.
Chandler: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.
(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Ross: Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. Shes an assistant professor in the Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, not broad backed!
Joey: I had the same dream!
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Monica: All right, Ill take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and thats it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Chandler: Well, she probably wasnt familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings!