words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are sitting on one of the chairs doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: Oh, we wanted to finish the crossword before we went to bed. Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
Joey: All right, I'll see you in the morning.
[Scene: Joey's bedroom, time lapse. He's asleep and dreaming. In his dream he's doing the crossword puzzle with wait for it Monica!]
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Ross and Joey. Gunther hands them the bill, and Chandler gives some money to pay it.]
Rachel: (looking at the bill) Uhh, we still need a tip.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
Phoebe: Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year! (She crosses her fingers in hope.)
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
The Salesman: You picked a great couch.
The Salesman: Yeah. Could you just sign right here please? (Hands him a clipboard.)
Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!
The Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.
Ross: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together. (He starts backing out of the store.)
The Salesman: Ohh, okay. (Laughs.) Something didn't quite add up there. (Ross stops, walks back to talk to the salesman, and in the process pushes Rachel up against a wall.)
The Salesman: Well you, her, I mean, she's very y'know. And you're like y'know.
The Salesman: Really? You two?
Rachel: (To Ross) Fine! (To the salesman) We went out.
Ross: A loser you did it with (To the salesman) 298 times!
(Rachel pushes on the couch and pushes Ross out the door.)
The Smoking Woman: Yes?
The Smoking Woman: Yeah I can, it worked real well.
The Smoking Woman: I won't! (Turns away) Until I have my next cigarette.
Phoebe: Hold it! (Grabs the badge) N.Y.P.D! Freeze punk!
The Smoking Woman: What?!
The Smoking Woman: Who are you talking too?
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
The Smoking Woman: I am not going to apologize to a tree!
Phoebe: You apologize to the tree right now or I am calling for backup. (The woman calls her bluff.) (Screaming at no one in particular) Backup! Backup!!
The Smoking Woman: I-I'm sorry! Sorry.
[Scene: Ross's building's lobby, he and Rachel are about to attempt to take the couch upstairs.]
Ross: Okay. (Throws off the last cushion.)
(They start the attempt. Ross is going backwards and reaches the first landing. This staircase has three steps then a landing, makes a 90-degree turn, and has more steps before another landing and another 90-degree turn.)
Ross: Okay, go left. Left! Left! (The bottom of the couch is hitting the railing.)
Ross: Oh okay, lift it straight up over your head! Straight up over your head! You can do it! You can do it! (She gets it lifted up and they make the first turn.) Okay. You got it?
(She can't stay at the end as the couch rounds the turn so she shifts to the back corner of the couch and is at a 90-degree angle to it.)
(She don't got it as the couch slips out of their grips and falls over the bottom railing.)
Rachel: Any chance you think the couch looks good there?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
Phoebe: so this guy was all (Mumbles.) And I'm all, Buffay, Homicide. (Flashes the badge.) It was just so cool!
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Monica: What was the dream about?
Joey: Well, okay. You were my girlfriend and we were doing the crossword puzzle. Y'know like you guys were doing last night. So, that's it. I'm in love with Monica and I'll be moving out.
Chandler: No, it can mean anything. Like uh, all of the sudden you're jealous because I've become the apartment stud.
Joey: In the dream I did enjoy the closeness.
Joey: No, I don't think it's just about just getting a girlfriend. Y'know? I mean, yeah, I can get a girlfriend! Yeah, we could sit in the chair and do crosswords, but y'know are we ever going to have y'know the closeness like-like you guys have?
(They realize the implication of their behavior, stop instantly and head for his bedroom. In the meanwhile, Joey is starring at Rachel in a seductive way.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is walking up and notices a car that is parked half on the curb and right in front of the door, making it difficult for people to enter Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Well I don't think it's very nice of you to park here, y'know you're blocking the entrance.
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. (Shows the badge.)
Guy: (he reaches into the car and slams his siren on the roof.) So am I!
Phoebe: Ohh, no. (Pause) Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. (Tries to leave.)
Phoebe: I-I'm with the umm, the 57th.
Cop: (following her) Hey by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good. (Phoebe's stunned) And where did you find my badge?
Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)
Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great
Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but once you find it, ohh it's so worth the wait.
[Scene: The lobby of Ross's building, he's sitting on the couch at the bottom of the stairs, and he's practicing enticing women to join him on the couch.]
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!
Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. (Showing them) Okay Rach, (points to the sketch) that's you. That's the couch. (Points again.)
Chandler: (looking at the sketch) Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
(Chandler and Ross head for opposite ends of the couch.)
(They pick up the couch and after throwing off the last pillow; Rachel helps out on Chandler's end.)
Ross: All right. (They start up the stairs. Ross is first.) Okay, here we go!
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
(As they turn the couch, Chandler gets sandwiched between the railing and the couch.)
Ross: Oh yeah it will! Come on, up! Up-up-up! Up! Yes! Here we go! Pivot! (They start up the stairs again. Chandler is between the couch and the wall now.) Pivot! Piv-ot! Piv-et!! Piv-ett!!! Piv-et!
(They set the couch down.)
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
Monica: What about the closeness?
Joey: (taking a bite) Oh, great! Can you believe I found it on the second floor?
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
(He throws his piece back in the box, runs into the living room, looks for a place to hide the pizza, finds one, slides the box under the couch, sits down on the table, and tries to quickly chew the food in his mouth.)
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you (Points at all of them) with me. (They all look at her.) Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck Chandler. (She opens the door to the cop from before.) Okay, you can arrest me. Fine. But you'll never make it stick and you know it!
Phoebe: Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool!
Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.
Gary: Well you're fingerprints were all over my badge so I just ran it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address so I just checked it out.
[Scene: The couch store, Ross is talking to a saleswoman.]
[The camera cuts to show the couch, which has been cut in half.]
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!
The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Chandler: All right look, if you absolutely have to tell her, at least wait until the timings right. And thats what deathbeds are for.
Phoebe: Then Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
Rachel: (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!
Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
(Chandler grunts and turns around, sees that hes in sight of the room, and mouths damn!)
Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Ross: How about we settle this right now! (He rips up the tickets.) There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
Photographer: Why dont we have Monica step away and well get Chandler and the bridemaids.
[Scene: The slot machines, Phoebe is still feeding quarters into the one-armed bandit as the lurker peeks over the top of the machines.]
Ross: Yeah, I'm a friend of Rachel Green's. Uhm, actually we met at the Christmas party about two years ago.
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.
[Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.]
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Chandler: What do you think shes just gonna sit there quietly? You dont think shes gonna want to make a toast? You dont think shes gonna want to grab the microphone and sing Part-time Lover?!
Rachel: Ok... I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one.
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Monica are fighting over the remote.]
[Scene: Back to the living room. Monica and Rachel enter and hug each other. The guys see this.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading at the kitchen table as there is a knock on the door.]
Gary: Okay, I'll see you at the station later.
Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?
Chandler: Trust me, you dont want him there either. Okay? Nobody is gonna be staring at the bride when the father of the groom is wearing a back-less dress.
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Chandler: I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my parents making love to the same guy.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Joey: What the?! (Joey pounds the table and starts yelling at Rachel, and which is drowned out by applause. Rachel is desperately trying to tell Joey that hes on TV right now. He finally notices and he does his gracious loser face.)
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23!
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the counter. Chandler walks in.]
Joey: Hey-hey dancer girl! Can I go to the bathroom? I just.. (The girl starts dancing really close to him, so he picks her up, twirls her round, and puts her against a platform) Here we go. (He walks away to find Monica and Ross doing a really out of place dance) Looking good Gellers!
Phoebe: Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Dont-dont hurt the puppy.
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
Phoebe: (to the director) Merci. Au revoir. (Translation: Thanks, goodbye.)
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and (Points to Ross) You go.
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Monica: Yeah-yeah, yknow what? Yeah, thats it-thats it, everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! Thats-thats what I said! Oh come on, Chandler! Im talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesnt match! Where is it gonna go?!
Monica: (coming) Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time! (she takes off)
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
Rachel: Okay, wow, wow, wow. Watch the tongue people, we've got a baby over here.
Monica: Yeah, yknow, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldnt have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I cant wait to see this place youre getting married!
Ross: Oh, no! The MET! The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
[The next flashback is from The One With Rachel's Crush.]
Chandler: Yeah, she couldn't live without the Chan Love. (They start kissing.)
Ross: Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives"... there's no the.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.]
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?
Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air>
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
Rachel: Yes! Id love to! Have her come by the office.
Ross: and the miracle was that that little bit of oil that shouldve just lasted just one day, burned for
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
The Dry Cleaner: He went out with my wife!
Supervisor: Im the supply manager.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! Shes cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Phoebe: No, no, Im fine, and yknow why? Cause of all the riboflavin.
The Waitress: She says its to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Phoebe: If she says no, can I have the ring?
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)