words in movies
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Joey: Hey! (he throws the basketball against a table again)
Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)
Chandler: Maybe we finish this for him! (he sits down on the sofa and he start typing on Ross' computer) "Also I cloned a dinosaur in my lab. She's now my girlfriend. I don't care what society says. It's the best sex I've ever had"... aaand SEND!
Joey: (he stops Chandler from posting the message) No, no, no... what do... you can't do that to him!
Joey: Dude! (he opens his arms to receive the ball from Ross' hands)
Ross: I think you made it clear you cannot be trusted with the ball inside the house!
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Joey: Chandler... hey... (he goes towards his room but he stops near Emma's cot) Rach... what's Hugsy doin' in the crib with Emma? (he looks puzzled)
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Chandler: Oh good, 'cause I've already thought of 3... 4! I've just thought of a fourth (he goes towards the counter)
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
(Ross enters and he's really angry. He goes towards Chandler who's sitting at the counter)
Ross: That only is not funny, it's physically impossible! Ok? Depending on the species I'd have to have a six foot long... (pause) It's not funny!!
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel and Emma are sleeping; Joey sneaks in and approaches the crib]
Rachel: (threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!
Joey: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.
Rachel: Oh, oh thanks. Alright well, now that I'm up I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Joey: (placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is looking at the screen of his laptop, shaking his head.]
Monica: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"?
Monica: (On the phone) Hello? No, he's not here. Yeah, this is his wife. Yeah, well, it came as quite a shock to me too. I guess I should have known. Yeah, I mean, he just kept making me watch Moulin Rouge.
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Monica: Okay if Mike were here what would the two of you be doing?
Monica: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!
Monica: Phoebe, that's how it starts. I don't need to eat the cake, I'll just smell the icing... why don't I just eat a little sliver, or, okay, just a slice or two. And next thing you know, you're 210 pounds and you get wedged in going down the tunnel slide. Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard. Look, if you talk to him, you're going to wanna see him. And if you see him, you're going to want to get back together with him. I know that's not what you want. (pause) Give me your phone.
(They run for Phoebe's purse, Phoebe gets there first and takes the cell. Monica tries to take it away from her)
(they fight a little, the phone falls and Monica picks it up)
Rachel: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
Joey: Make the transfer! (She does so)
Rachel: Should I be concerned that a button fell off the old Hugsy and I can't find it?
Rachel: Oh, I don't think she likes the new Hugsy.
Joey: But he's the same.
Rachel: Yeah, I think she wants the old one back.
Joey: But he's the same.
Joey: He's the same!
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
Phoebe: You know, it's a lot less surprising to do that after I've buzzed you into the building.
Monica: So Phoebe, why are there men's shoes by the door.
(Someone knocks on the door)
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
Phoebe: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?
Phoebe: There is a speakerphone on the base unit...
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Phoebe: So how's the piano playing going?
Monica: You know, on the way over here, I saw this drunk guy throw up. And then a pigeon ate it!
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Ross: What are you talking about? You get sixty responses just for coming out of the closet! I didn't get one response! And I'm dead!
Chandler: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.
Ross: oh, too late, too late! It's sent... oops sorry and so is the picture of you and the police man...
Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).
Rachel: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack!
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment: Phoebe, Monica and Mike sitting on the couch]
(Monica is getting up from the couch)
Monica: Alright you two, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Now I don't want anything going on while I'm gone. Here's a few things you can discuss: mucus, fungus and the idea of me and Ross doing it.
Mike: It can't be any harder than this... I mean, If I had known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I... I would have stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you. If I had known the last time I kissed you would have been the last time... I never would have stopped.
Monica: (running back into the room) Kiss him, you fool!!
Strange man: (he bounds into the house) I knew you'd be here!
Manny: What's with the kissing?
Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!
Monica: You didn't hear the speech!
Manny: I've heard the speech: (in a mocking voice) "if he knew it was gonna be the last time he saw her... "
Manny: (looking at the sofa) Where did they go?
(someone knocks on the door)
Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)
(Chandler and Monica go open the door)
Chandler: At least he died doing what he loved... watching blimps (he goes in the bedroom)
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
Chandler: Ok! (shuts the door behind Tom)
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
(someone knocks on the door) Oh, great. More party boys for Chandler!
Chandler: I'm sure it's somebody for you. Now, go hide. (Ross hides in the bedroom again)
(Chandlers opens the door. A beautiful woman stands at the doorway.)
Ross: (he bounds into the lounge room) But you didn't! I'm still alive!! Kori, I know this is a big surprise for you. It's a long story but the things you just said really made my day! I mean, the fact that you are here means more to me than if this room were filled with people!
Kori: You sick freak, who does that? I can't believe I had a crush on you! (she leaves and slams the door behind her)
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.
Monica: You sat back and let him have her, you didnt fight at all. Am I right? Do you want the same thing to happen with Emily?
Rachel: Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby�s sock is on the ground.
Monica: Hey, the point is that he was at everyone of your swim meets and he was there cheering you on! Okay? Thats a, thats a pretty great dad.
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didnt ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Joey: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming.
Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but Im not gonna spend all of the money on one party.
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
[Scene: The Portrait Studio, Monica is waiting for Chandler to make another attempt at taking a good picture.]
Monica: Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese?
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
Issac: Aw, no problem dude. Y'know we got to look out for each other. Were the same, you and me.
Ross: (to the guys) I gotta go make a fake Ben.
(She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.)
OPENING TITLES [Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there�s a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Chandler: I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair. (Ross just stares at him) All right, look, if we're really gonna do this... it's not like you never broke one of the pacts.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
THE END
(Chandler and Monica enter the room)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel is now three sheets to the wind and Joey is watching her.]
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
(She takes her hand off Erica. Ross enters the room)
Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something).
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
Joey: She made me switch to light Mayo. Thats it! Thats all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!
Chandler: All right! Thats fine! Thats fine! I wont bring over the chairs! I wont bring anything over! I wouldnt want to ruin the ambiance over here at Grandmas place!! (Storms out.)
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! Youve been Rosss best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now youve taken on Monica as well. Well, I dont know what to say. Youre a wonderful human being.
Chandler: Jumping on the bed?
Monica (enters the room): Are, are you kidding? This is packing?
Rachel: (returning from calling Warren) Ugh!!! Well, the apartment is already subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. Im never gonna find anything.
Joey: (entering the room) Hey.
(Rachel enters the room)
(Chandler turns to look at Monica, who has the biggest hair ever, is flushed and in a sweat, and is decidedly sniffing her armpits)
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The living room.]
PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
[Scene: Central Perk. The entire gang is there, and Chandler and Monica are handing out presents.]
Chandler: You know, it haunts me? Up til now, the worst thing I ever saw, was my father doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver!
Joey: Man, Im starving! What the hell was I thinking at dinner?! "Do you want soup or salad?" Both! Always order both!
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
(Another woman enters without a coat or blazer and tries to sit at the blue table.)
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
Rachel: (pretends to be shocked) Uh! The police!
Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.
Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah!
[Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.]
Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?
Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.]
Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long?
(They both walk to the door and enter the hallway.)
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Ross: THE HELL I DO!
Chandler: Im watching the game, but Im not deaf!
(They both go into their rooms and after a little while Rachel pokes her head into the living room.)
(Erica, the pregnant girl, enters)
SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital.
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
THE END
Rachel: Well Ill tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his wifeThey-they cant have children. So umm, and thatwe were at the Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?
Phoebe: (awed) You have the power to do that?
Monica: To use the bathroom.
Monica: (Chandler's laughing) Did someone drop the baton again?
Monica: (laughing harder) Nothing, Im just trying to recreate some of the fun that we had at my place the other day. (To Phoebe) Remember, when you picked Rachel over me? That was funny.
Phoebe: That is the rule, though.
Monica: All right fine. Fine, Ill do it. Ive just got to get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him pull my finger.
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, hes good looking.
ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.
Rachel: Ha! See, I knew, I knew youd get it on the first guess. Isnt it cool! Its an apothecary table.
The Porsche Owner: But its my car!
Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)
[Scene: The hospital. Continued from earlier.]
(They walk over to the door.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Oh my God!! That is like the third most prestigious soap opera award there is!
Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough!
(Rachel walks up to the counter.)
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
Chandler: So, we'll tell the truth and who knows, maybe she'll like us for us.
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
(She points at the stain.)
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.