words in movies
(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?
Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.)
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
(Marcel puts a CD in the player.)
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.)
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
Monica: Well, what's the job?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
(Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the bedroom and slams the door.)
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story...
(The guys all duck under the table.)
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.
Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
(Ross gets up from the table.)
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then.
Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush. (lays down cards)
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to say.)
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)
Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money)
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.]
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.)
Joey: (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being!
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Back then yknow, we called the Great War. It really was!
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jacks parents to discuss the problems hes having with Ben? (Phoebe nods Yes.) Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the couch.]
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Joey: No you cant do that, where would the chick and the duck live?
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.]
Ross: Yes!! Yes!!! (He starts clapping and Phoebe turns around to look at him and falls off the bike.)
Phoebe: Oh no. No-no-no, dont do that! How could I live with myself if I knew I was depriving the world of your music.
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
(They all throw their pieces back as there is a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Chandler, theres a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the(pause)wowww.
Joey: I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks by the pool tomorrow! (A woman goes towards them)
Phoebe: So what?! That doesnt give you the right to ditch me!
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!
Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one (she gives him a check)
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
[Scene: A couch store, Ross is trying to decide on a new couch for his place. He has dragged Rachel along for the trip, and she's not too happy about it. Ross is sitting on it in different ways to see how it feels. He tries to just sit on it normally, and then he tries flopping on it. One thing about this couch, it's huge. It's like twice the size of a normal full size couch. Whoever designed this thing, needs help and fast.]
(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)
Monica: My God, I cant believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is making candy while Chandler and Rachel are taste testing and Joey is on the couch doodling.]
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Amy: You didn't want me to marry the old guy with the great apartment. Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly I am the bad guy?
Phoebe: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)
Chandler: I saw you checking me out during the game last night.
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
(Chandler walks over to where the rest of the gang is.)
Phoebe: Doing it on this table. (points at the table)
Phoebe: So you like the drums! That's, that's great! Yknow, I was worried, that, you know, they would maybe an unbearable living situation. All right, okay, well, apparently not! So, yay!
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that ones actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and Im not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you dont remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Joey: No! No! No! You guys were totally right! This is so much better than the first time we went out. Yknow? That was so awkward, we were really nervous.
Rachel: Yeah, well Bettys kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. (Holding up the box of chocolates.) Now, while I distract her, you get in the office.
Rachel: I dont know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking, Im gonna tell the father today and then bam!
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
Rachel: �Mira, mira, el viejo desnudo est� haciendo el hula hoop! (Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)
Joey: (smiling) Oh, they cut me out of the show.
Front Desk Clerk: As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
[cut to later, Tim has left. Monica is still shivering. Theres a knock on the door.]
Monica: Ross, we havent done the routine since middle school.
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica and Chandler are returning and Monica finds her basket is empty.]
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]
The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.
(the scene starts.Joey enters and there's a girl wearing a wedding dress near a bed)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: And shes back in the game.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]
Rachel: Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?
Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin me?!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
(Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.)
Monica: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from him? I-I-I-I cant. I couldnt even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.
Monica: So you hit her in the face?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Rachel: ... the WENUS?
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]