words in movies
(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?
Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.)
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
(Marcel puts a CD in the player.)
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.)
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand.
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
Monica: Well, what's the job?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
(Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the bedroom and slams the door.)
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, andoh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story...
(The guys all duck under the table.)
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.
Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
(Ross gets up from the table.)
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then.
Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush. (lays down cards)
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to say.)
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)
Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money)
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.]
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.)
Joey: (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being!
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Rachel: (standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!
Chandler: And yet, shes still not hanging up the phone.
Joey: Havent you ever read the same book over and over again?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Joey: Im so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you dont like the guy Rachels dating? Well, thats odd.
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh hey! Hey uh, you remember the necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it?
Monica: What is the worse part?
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Monica: (Pulls Laura into the spare room) Why don't I show you the baby's room?
Chandler: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty--she's pretty.
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Monica: Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I wont! Ill be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.
Rachel: Im just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldnt have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Billy: Whats the matter?
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
[cut back to the gang.]
[cut to the gang]
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Erica: Why don't you ask the reverend to pray on it?
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
The Guys: Pete?!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Dr. Zane: Okay, itll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Monica: Yeah, but without the costumes.
Rachel: As I was saying I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time Im 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
Monica: To the bank.
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Rachel: Gavin, I just wanted to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an appology.
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Rachel: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
Monica: (from the bathroom) Im in the shower!
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, Ive got another date.
Doug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Monica is there to water the plants, and is showing the gang around.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Phoebe: Thats fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Chandler: (to Janice) Dont look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
[We see the rest of them are now crying.]
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesnt count.