words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk - Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel are sitting on the sofas. Joey enters]
Joey: Monica, hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
Monica: Very good! (Gives him the keys) What do you need it for anyway?
Joey: Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...
Phoebe: You don't wanna win the lottery?
Ross: The woman just vanished!
Ross: No! Do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I...I mean you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times.
Ross: Seriously you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend 250 dollars on the lottery, I mean that's such a bunch of boohaki.
Chandler: (looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross) Boohaki?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Monica: God! Look at all these tickets! It's so exciting! You know I haven't won anything since the sixth grade.
Monica: Oh! You assume because I was heavy that's the only way I could win something?
(Suddenly Ross comes running into the apartment)
Joey: Oh yeah! The casserole lady.
Monica: (to Ross)So, did you come by to watch us win the big bucks?
Ross: Yeah, uh... and then I figured after you win, we could all go out to the balcony and see a night rainbow with gremlins dancing on top of it!
(phone starts ringing and Chandler comes running out of the bathroom)
Chandler: (hysterical)Don't touch the phone! I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!! (picks up the phone)
Monica: Chandler is supposed to find out if he's getting an assistent job at his ad agency. But out of the 15 interns, they are only hiring three.
Chandler: (still on the phone)Damnit. Alright call me when you know more.
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Chandler: Sense the tone! No that kid Nate got it.
Phoebe: (excited)Hey you guys! Ok, you're not going to believe this! I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight!
Phoebe: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Joey: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
(Phoebe and Joey both grab one side of the wishbone)
Monica: Well, it doesn't really matter ... you're both wishing for the same thing, right?
(they break the wishbone)
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, the odds are against us, but somebody has to win, and it could be us! And then how you gonna feel? You know, we're gonna be all like "oh everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cape" and you're gonna be all like "oh, I can't guys, I'll meet you guys up there, I gotta gas up the Hyundai"
Chandler: I can see the headline now: "Lottery winners' friend filled with regret eats own arm".
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Ross: You don't have to do that, I'll pay for myself. But just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys - that's so sweet! Come here (they kiss and hug)
Joey: Ooh, ooh, I know! We should pool all own money and buy the Knicks!
Rachel: I don't really care about the Knicks.
Chandler: You know, I'm not sure a sports team is the way to go.
Joey: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
Ross: (to Rachel) Uh, how long until they announce the numbers, Mommy?
Ross: Oh, I've gotten into the habit of calling Rachel "Mommy" when we're around Emma. Which I now realize we are not ...
Chandler: He's the boss's son.
Monica: Ok, here we go. We need to sort out the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won. So does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? (doesn't let them answer) Ok, how about this: we divide them into 6 groups of 40, and the remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Phoebe: Ok, well, are all the tickets in the bowl?
Chandler: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Honey, there are like 20 tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!!
Phoebe: Uh! The psychic also said that I would be betrayed.
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut, when did you even get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Rachel: Ok, well Monica, suppose one of your "special" tickets win? How are you gonna feel when you win the lottery and you lose all your friends?
Monica: Please ... if I win the lottery, you guys are not gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for 3 days!
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Monica: There's the man I married!!
Rachel: All right, believe me.If you win the lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
Rachel: (surprised) OH! Alright, you know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets (picks up the bowl)!
Joey: Yeah, I want my tickets too (takes the bowl from Rachel)! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graff, ah ah!
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
Phoebe: Oh, you guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together (takes the bowl from Ross and puts it on the table)
Monica: No, no! We should divide them up (picks up the bowl) and I should get extra because we used my card to buy them!
Joey: Hey, if anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This all thing was my idea! (takes the bowl from Monica)
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Phoebe: (she takes the bowl from Rachel's hands and she starts running around the room and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH!
Phoebe: (keeping on running and yelling) OOOOOHHHHH! (she stops) Fine, I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this! (she goes out to the balcony)
Joey: No, no! (they all go towards the balcony but they get jammed in the window)
Phoebe: If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! (She holds out the bowl, and makes as to drop the tickets on the street).
Phoebe: Ok, good! (pause) You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...(a pigeon swoops down, scaring Phoebe who drops the bowl on the street) Oh God, no! (pause) I think I broke your bowl.
(All are returning from the street after picking up dropped lottery tickets)
Phoebe: What a beautiful night to be running around the street, looking for tickets. And the wind sure made it fun.
Phoebe: So, what? Monica, we have the winning ticket! My psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
Ross: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
Chandler: (looking at the answering machine) Hey, there's two messages. These could be from work!
Chandler: Ok, here we go! (he pushes the play button)
Message: (Phoebe's voice) "Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise" (they all turns to look at Phoebe) "I sh.. I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo."
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Phoebe: Guys, the drawing is about to start!
Chandler: Yeah, you know, I really thought I deserved it. (pause) But... let's go win the lottery... I mean, we still have 130 chances to win, right?
Ross: (on the phone) Goodnight sweetheart! I love you. And remember, you're daddy's little girl... (covering the phone, to Rachel) Phoebe's totally ruined that for me... (he passes the receiver to Rachel)
Joey: (sitting on the sofa in front of the tv) Rach, come on! They are announcing the numbers! My God, I can already feel myself changing.
TV: "Here we are, the official Powerball numbers! We have 53"
Rachel: (on the phone) Mum, please!I know you love your new lips, but I can barely understand you! Would you, please, just let me say goodnight to my daughter?
TV: "And number 29! Here we go! The Powerball is 7"
Rachel: (she goes towards the others and she's very excited) Guys, you're not gonna believe this! I was just saying goodnight to Emma and she said her first words!!
(they just look at her for a moment; then they go back to checking the tickets)
Rachel: I don't know all the words.
Ross: I'm just, I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first words (goes back to checking the tickets).
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up (she goes and picks up the dictionary).
Ross: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt....
Rachel: (searching the dictionary) Alright, okay, okay, gleba, gleba... (excited) Gleba! Ha! Here it is: the fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
(Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
Ross: She's gonna be a scientist! (kisses Rachel on the head, very moved)
Joey: (checking the last ticket) Damnit! anybody got anything?
Chandler: Ah, the "I'm sorry I rejected you" phone call. I'm not used to getting it from guys. (on the phone, getting up from the sofa) Hey, Steve.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Steve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Steve: Yes, that's right. We're excited about the level of sophistication you'll be bringing to the job.
(he idly goes to the sofa, starts browsing a magazine. Everybody stares at him)
Chandler: Does that mean I get the good loving tonight?
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Joey: (to Chandler) Hey, that is so great about the job.
Joey: Well, before, with the wishbone... I didn't wish we would win the lottery, I wished you'd get the job.
Chandler: (smiling, surprised) Oh yeah? (looks towards the kitchen, worried) Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart right out.
Phoebe: You guys, what was the Powerball number again?
(they all jump up excitedly and try to see the ticket)
Ross: Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.
Phoebe: I know that, but look, we've got the Powerball number, we've won 3 dollars!
Chandler: Wow, you'd think we should get that over 20 years or go for the big payout.
(Joey comes in from the back of the coffee house)
Joey: (sitting in a chair) Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
Gunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 (goes to the counter).
Phoebe: (hides her mouth behind the cup and speaks in the "pigeon voice" from before) Coo, again. Don't blame the pretty lady. It was not her fault. It was me, the pigeon, coo! (pause) Seriously, stop staring at her.
(Joey stares around dumbly looking for the "talking pigeon")
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Didn't I just throw you out of here?
Ross: Thank you, Dr. Phillips, but Im having my lunch at this table, here in the middle. Im having lunch right here, with my good friend Joey, if hell sit with me.
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Chandler: All right. Yes. Okay. I get your point. But if its not your bra will you just let the woman clean the apartment?!
Eric: Uh, the sex.
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
Kristen: Well Joey doesnt like to talk about it but, hes one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Monica: The pink one with the flowers?!
Joey: Im still on the set!
Mr. Franklin: Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil.
Chandler: And thats the Chrysler Building right there.
Charity guy: Right. Well, on behalf of the children: thank you both very much.
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to head for where the foosball table usually is.)
Rachel: What about all the women you want to bring home?
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
[Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
Joey: I know! I found it on the street.
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
Rachel: Wow! Whoa-whoa whats under the covers?
Ross: Hi. Im Ross Geller. I live in the building.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
[Scene: The house next door to Chandler and Monica's new house. Chandler is pacing worriedly through the living room when Janice enters.]
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]
Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Chandler: You went home with the waitress.
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Chandler: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.) What?
JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! �lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, *I* kept up.)
Chandler: Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Rachel: Oh, with the mother, just... just constantly tell her how amazing her son is. Take it from me, moms love me. Ross's mom one time actually said I'm like the daughter that she never had.
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
David: Well, just for a couple of days, uhm... I'm here to explain to the people who gave us our grant, why it's a positive thing that we spent all their money and uhm... accomplished uhm... nothing.
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
Chandler: Shes okay with Rachel and the baby?
Rachel: Oh you missed it. She was laughing. Oh it was amazing. It was amazing. It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound that...
Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
Gary: Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes off his coat.)
Ross: (to the panel) Look, Im sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just dont want to be divorced three times.
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
Chandler: Okay, you give the worst massages in the world.
(Theres a knock on the door.)
(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)
Joey: Why-why would she go in the bedroom?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Well, it's a problem for me, which means it's a problem for you 'cause I'm a cop. (Shows the badge.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
[Scene: Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are talking in front of the dressing room]
Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
David: Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and witnesses that event.)
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.]
[The dog barks, runs out of Phoebe's room and jumps onto the couch]
Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh . That-that-thats really just to show where the baby would go. Yknow why dont I hold on to him so that theres no confusion? (Takes him back, sets him on the chair, and apologizes to him.)
Ross: Uh Dad, Emmas in the nursery. Ill take you now. If you want, but (To Rachel) I really want to talk to you.
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is opening the door to Mona. Rachel is there as well.]
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Monica: Why in the world would you take this tape and and why would you watch it?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
(Chandler opens the door and Monica sneaks up on it. They go inside.)
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Phoebe: (entering, quietly) Wow, you told your dad the truth.
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")
(Theres a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.)
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Joey: Well, I had the audition but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Sandy: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be the Grumpus... (Ross goes to the kitchen)
Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
(Decided that they are less than human as well, Chandler picks up a golf club and Monica a frying pan, to join in on the fun of beating their good friend to within an inch of his life!)
Phoebe: Good thats a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Yknow? Does Rachel move the phone pen?
The Chorus Line: Hallelujah!
Frank: Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandlers room, they are making out again as theres another knock on the door.]
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
Rachel: Well, lets see. Uh, they gave me cute doctor today and in the middle of the exam I put my pinky in his chin dimple.
Ross: (entering) Well hey! Whats going on? Ooh, cool boat(Sees why the boats there)Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
Ross: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway.
Phoebe: Good. (After he leaves, she puts on Joey's gladiator helmet and checks herself out in the mirror) I should really start wearing hats!
Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.)
Steve: Howard's the handy man!
MRS GREEN: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.