words in movies
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
ROSS: You're livin' the dream.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
The Dry Cleaner: Ive never seen it!
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Hooker: Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. (Does the close sign.)
(Ross points to the explanation and he gets it.)
Ross: Yeah. Look if-if shes gonna end up with somebody else, the truth is she couldnt find a better guy. So
Monica: No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get some tea.
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
Monica: (sees the bed) Whats this?
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
Rachel: (stands up) Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Ross: Monica bang! Monica bang! (runs into one of the posts) Ow!
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
(Joey comes out of Monica’s apartment and sees Rachel and Amy but does not notice the huge amount of bags)
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, Im just gonna need some help. And Bobbys gonna be here the whole time.
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
Ross: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Boy in the Cape: You cant tell me to shut up!
Chandler: Well, the gay community is a lot more vocal than the dead community.
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.
(The interviewer watches her leave with an Oh my goodness face.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's new house. Sitting near the window, they look at the neighborhood.]
Monica: Howd the lecture go?
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
[Scene: Mike's place. Phoebe is on the phone.]
Monica: Well you can't! We're booked solid for the next month!
Phoebe: Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?
(Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.)
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye.
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Yknow? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.
Ross: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didnt happen!
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Whos she?
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is coming back from using the phone.]
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
(The duck starts quacking.)
MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets itll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again. CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house. JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care. CHANDLER: Yeah. [Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.] CLOSING CREDITS
Pete: And I feel like Ive conquered the business world, and I feel like Ive conquered the intellectual world, and now I-I have the most beautiful woman in the world.
(Monica breaks the hug and starts for the bedroom.)
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Chandler: That is a great idea! And by the way, I don't mean to sound distasteful, but when did you start crapping money!?
Monica: Wasn't it a lot more exciting when we were y'know all over each other all the time?
Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now.
Monica: Oh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. (Pause) Maybe someday, there will be.
Ross: Great! Great! (He runs to the door.) Youre making the bike very happy.
Joey: Okay thats the green stuff talkin.
Monica: It's easy! Just keep it casual! Give him a kind word, shake his hand and give him the money!
The Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
Joey: You hung up on the pizza place? I dont hang up on your friends.
RACHEL: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Chandler: Yknow Im-Im really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Chandler: Thats right! It was the wrong kind of eight, no wedding! Damnit!
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Joey: But hey, listen just so you know, you might have youre work cut out for you. Cause when I talked to her, I kinda got the feeling that shes into some other guy. So
[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust.) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-Ive, I dont live here anymore.
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwearyou want it to be dirty?
Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department.
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
Joey: (with his mouth full) Oh yeah, sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I dont know (Grabs the note.)
Joey: Over there! (Points to the couch) Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again!
CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Or too, you could be two stockbrokers and youre-youre-youre rolling around naked on the trading floor and everybodys watching! (Ross looks at her.) It never happened.
Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.)
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Joey: I dont know! How about, "Thanks for taking the message." Jeez! (Exits.)
Joey: I dont want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Ohooh! How about you come with me?