words in movies
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
ROSS: You're livin' the dream.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
(Outside the Central Perk)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Paul: (whispering) Okay. (Starts for the car.)
[Scene: The Spa Reception. Phoebe walks in]
(Charlie comes out the bathroom)
Monica: I think the things that you said about me are really unfair, and I would like for you to give my bouillabaisse another chance.
Monica: Yeah, I do think its better this way. (listens) Yeah, were being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, Im sure.(she opens the door and its Richard)
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Monica: Im sorry. Im sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone. (She heads for the bedroom.)
[Cut to the guys]
Ross: I dont think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there (Joey nods his disapproval.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
(Monica and Chandler reach the group)
David: Yeah, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross had to try to get a couch up a staira very narrow New York stairwell and that was probably I-I think it was the hardest Ive-Ive laughed in my life period.
Monica: Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome to look under any of the furniture, because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there!
Phoebe: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?
Chandler: (slaps him on the shoulder) Nice! (goes to Monica)
[Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Monica: Do you really think marrying someone else is the right answer?
Phoebe: So, I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Ross: The chocolates aren't here yet.
Rachel: It's not the time Charlie.
Chandler: (at the laptop) Oh, no, no, no dear God, no!
Ross: Okay, last night after you guys broke up... so sorry to hear about that, by the way... Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..., well...
Chandler: I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldnt wait on you tonight! (Runs off.)
Ross: (turning around and dragging the chalk down the board) What?!
Joey: No, in Ross's building! (He throws Rachel onto the chair and heads to the window.) She's back! She's back! (Pantomimes) Okay, wait there, I'll be over in a second. (He counts where she is again.) Got it! (Runs out and does a little hot over a chair.)
Monica: Yknow, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, cause usually hes got the childrens hospital.
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
(Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
[Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, and a little seed money for the party. (Holds up $40.)
Phoebe: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! Its me! Its me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
(they just look at her for a moment; then they go back to checking the tickets)
Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and thats when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, yknow what? I thought anything that can fit into this, cant be scary.
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
(There is a knock on the door.)
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.
Rachel: Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.
Monica: Yeah, it's just we don't think of you as really being so much "with the words".
(He walks over, but just before he knocks on the door, he hears some moans and looks shocked.)
Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
(Rachel opens the drapes)
Monica: The sun is out!
Mrs. Geller: (stopping him) Dont get up Jack! The safety pins are about to blow.
(the paleontologist glares at Chandler)
Joey: The Metsss!
(all the paleontologists laugh)
Chandler: (to the one sitting next to him) Really?
(Does a Mexican dancing-thing before going to the kitchen.)
[Scene: the hotel conference room]
JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
[The next one is from Episode 613: The One With Rachels Sister, Chandler has just opened the door to reveal a woman standing there.]
Rachel: All right! Well, uh... (to Monica) we're gonna hit the beach?
Joey: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
The A.D: Yeah, we loves em. Ive never seen him with(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)
Ross: Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?!
Bitsy: Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth! (Phoebe almost enters the room, but she hears the discussion and waits and evesdrops next to the door-opening.)
Phoebe: Fine! (She takes the blanket.) But please God; tell me how to stop them from going off!
Monica:: yea well the weird part is... he was getting off to a shark attack show!
Guru Saj: (He starts moving his hands around in circles above the thing.) Ross, there is absolutely no way this is going to come off unless you start to
[Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Chandler: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
Ross: Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car is about to be towed.
Rachel: So? (She puts her hands in his, totally forgetting about the gloves, and hoping for something more intimate.)
Mike: Oh, by the way... I'm awesome!!
Man: (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three...
Rachel: Oh! Weather bitch! (turns the TV off)
Ross: Well, the old lady died. And how do I know? Her dying wish was for one last kiss. But I dont care, (To Rachel) because you got the apartment. Yes!
(Someone knocks on the door)
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
[Scene: hall of the romantic inn in Vermont]
Joey: No, no, Emma has one Hugsy, the new Hugsy, huh? The other Hugsy, I don't know, I guess I'll just take it back.
Joey: You like me? (shuts the door)
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now were in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And Im sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I cant. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
Rachel: No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... (pause) Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Chandler: We used to be married, but then we missed a weekend away together and things kind of unraveled. Because of you! Happy Birthday. (Ross looks disappointed and switches the camcorder off)
Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time.
Joey: (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
[Cut to Rosss apartment, hes watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.]
Air stewardess: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.