words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Rosss tares at them.]
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey (to Rachel): Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Rachel: Ross? (to Joey) Can we just close the door?
Ross: Weird? What? What's weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food, because I'm making fajitas!! (Storms off.)
Monica: God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.
Phoebe: Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., 'cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey's Porsche. It's the hair in his coffee.)
(Frank Jr. and the triplets enter.)
(The triplets scream and run amok in the coffeehouse.)
Frank Jr.: Oh, that's Frank Jr. Jr. pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse. And that's Chandler climbing on Chandler, and that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.
[Scene: The hallway in Ross's building. Joey and Rachel are on their way to Ross's dinner.]
Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
(Does a Mexican dancing-thing before going to the kitchen.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. The triplets are now sleeping on top of each other on the couch.]
Phoebe: Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Bill: We went through the same thing when we were adopting.
Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.
Colleen: Everything is broken down into categories, and then cross-referenced, and then colour-coded to correspond with the forms in the back.
Bill: I know the process is frustrating, but it's so worth it. Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.
Chandler: That's great. (To Monica.) Can I see the book?
Colleen: The bathroom is down the hall, to your left.
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
Chandler: I'm Chandler. Hey, I was in the scouts too.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is totally wasted, but he's still drinking all the margaritas.]
Ross: The first batch of margaritas was not so great, but the second batch is gooooood.
Rachel: Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Joey: Dude, are you okay? And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?
(The oven timer pings in the kitchen.)
(He runs off to the kitchen.)
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. Continued from earlier.]
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Frank Jr.: Oh, no, no. Not Leslie. No, she's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.
Phoebe: Well, that's not good. But you know, I can move some stuff around, and I'll be there. You and Alice just take the whole day together.
Frank Jr. (looks at the triplets): Look at them! Aw. I love you so much. (Strokes Leslie's hair, and she moves a little.) Oh crap, don't wake up, don't wake up!
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Monica: They're in the kitchen getting something to eat. Can you believe how nice they are?
Monica: Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
Chandler: I didn't get to the bathroom. I bumped into Owen on the way, and he didn't know he was adopted. And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Bill: Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]
Ross: O is for "oh, wow!" The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I'm still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.
Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Charlie: I'm sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.
Charlie: You're on fire! I'll call you in the morning, okay?
(Ross goes to the kitchen.)
(Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)
(The oven timer pings again.)
(He goes back to the kitchen.)
Joey: Yeah. I'll see you in the morning.
(They kiss each other on the cheek, and Rachel leaves.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Joey: No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.
Joey: Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren't gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..
Ross: And she feels the same way?
Ross: No, but I wanna be. Hey, I will be. Besides, I'm with Charlie, right? Oh my god, I'm still with Charlie, aren't I? I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter to find Phoebe there with the triplets.]
Chandler: Yeah, but how would you like it if someone told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
(The triplets stare at him.)
THE END
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey and the Hombre man are facing off in Joey's section.]
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
Rachel: (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Chandler: (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of the Year?
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Monica: (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(The lights dim.)
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
Ross: Okay, okay, we were on the ride along with Gary, right?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
(They all decay into massive bickering as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.)
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) Im gonna, Im gonna get my ah, my fianc�e man!
Chandler: Uhh yeah. Yeah, its (Points down the hall) right, right down there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!
Monica: Well, what's the part?
Joey: Oh, I-I think Im gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
Rachel: So what?! Yknow what? The way I see it(Phoebe pulls out a hair from the back of her head)Ow! Son of a bitch!!
CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: You got the job?! Why didnt you tell me?
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Tonight?! (looks at the ring) Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? (squints at the ring to emphasize how tiny the diamond is) Oh, there it is!
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
(She opens the door and he leaves.)
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
The Woman: (after Monica gives her the candy) Thank you.
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Joey: Look, do you want the ring or not?!
Monica: That is a slap in the face.
Joey: (answering the door.) Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in. (He brings them inside.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Ross: I think the check in is that way. (Points)
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
The Woman: Please! I have people coming from out of town today! And, I told them all about your candy!
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I wouldve called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldnt find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster!
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Phoebe: Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while dropping it on the floor) Mmm hmmmmm .
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Rachel: Emmm. Now, instead of the vegetables, is there anyway I can substitute the three-pound lobster?
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... (Joey looks at the photograph) ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. (Joey looks for his notes. The man next to him is chewing something.) Dude, where's my speech? (the man swallows something and looks at Joey.) That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody. (he applauds and Al shows that there's nothing left in his mouth.)
[Scene: Back in the cab in front of Phoebe's dad's house.]
Joey: Oh what, did someone outbid you for the teapot? (Chandler looks annoyed at him and Joey leans in to him) Oh! Secret teapot?
Monica: (removes them) Thats because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and its static cling. Or maybe its just that God knew Id be running into you and saw an opportunity.
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Chandler: Look, I-Im just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up Im moving right back in with you!
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Joey: Great Great and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didnt want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.
Phoebe: If we are not doing it together, we're not doing it at all! So, say goodbye to your tickets! (She holds out the bowl, and makes as to drop the tickets on the street).
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
(Monica is drinking from the tap)
Phoebe: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like 'Yeah, doesn't it', and gets up to dump it down the drain.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)
Monica: All right. When is, when is the next flight out?
The Cooking Teacher: Well actually, did either of you pay for this class?
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
Monica: What are you guys doing? (Monica hears the moaning coming from the TV and looks at it) Oh my God, is that Richard? (It only takes a split second for Joey to realise, he pulls Monica down by her jacket, and she falls, face down next to Chandler. Chandler gets up a bit, and Joey quickly covers Chandler's eyes with his hand.)
Joey: Uh well yeah, that was the plan, but by the time I got to it there was only a couple of pieces left!
FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasnt a mistake. Ahh, theres-theres limited seating in the hall.
Ross: Okay, I got us a court date for tomorrow at 2:00 and I picked up all the forms. Ill take care of everything.
Phoebe: Id better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I dont want to miss the fight.
Ross: I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right?
Ross: Um, see, but thats not the final draft.
Mona: Yknow, I-I-I just I dont want to get in the middle of something so complicated.
Chandler: Okay, I've already taught you so much already, but whatever. See when you flirt with a guy you think, "I'm just flirting, no big deal." But the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!"
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?