words in movies
ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
RACHEL: That's not the end.
PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.
MONICA: What about the part where he has rabies?
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?
JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.
JOEY: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.
RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
CHANDLER: There's the man.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.
ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.
ROSS: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.
CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.
JOEY: We're the guys.
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs.
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?
RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
RACHEL: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.
RACHEL: What was the book?
ROSS: The big book of childrens' names.
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
MONICA: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.
RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
MONICA: [enters] Honey. Uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.
MONICA: [grabs the other two bars on Richard's side and scores] Score! Now can we go?
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.
ROSS: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together. [walks in his room]
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
ROSS: What, the word hi?
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Chandler: I cant believe you didnt tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!
Monica: Well what is it? What is it? If its gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. You know, what was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window)
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Monica: Oh, my mom called, theyre gonna run our engagement announcement in the local paper, so were looking for a good picture of us.
Chandler: (entering, very upset) Ok Tommy, that's enough mourning for you! Here we go, bye bye!! (he shoves him out the door)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
Phoebe: (checks) I never get calls!! (Answers the phone) Hello?
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)
RACHEL: What's the matter?
Ross: Listen. Oh hey, hey, the important thing was that she meant, she meant nothing to me!
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
Monica: (pulling the plate back) Oh-ho! But not in here! Cant eat em in bed, remember? No crumbies!
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.
Chandler: Theres a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the sandwich to Phoebe.)
Second Message: "Listen, oh... it turns I got the last spot. I'm really sorry man, it was a lot of fun working with you. Give me a call if you want."
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
RACHEL: Why the voice.
MONICA: Ross, the heat!
Ross: (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (Theres a knock on the door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in. (She does so.) Im so-so sorry about yesterday. I-Im really sorry. Its just that I (He picks up the pink shirt.)
Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey)
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?
Monica: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?
Rachel: (to the woman) Excuse us for a minute. (They go into the kitchen.) You didnt tell her to come?!
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Phoebe: And! And, theyre gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)
Ross: And why exactly would I do that? (Goes back to writing on the board.)
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
(on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
Monica: From the tequila factory?
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
(He takes the scissors, cuts the ribbon, shakes her hand, posses for the picture, and leaves.)
Monica: (opening the door and frantically) Okay, guys! The candy is coming; I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.)
Chandler: Uh, what about yknow the massage thing? That never gave you a heart attack.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face.
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
[In slow motion, as some haunty demonic music plays in the background, Joey throws the ball in, Chandler quits playing and goes for his Chinese food. Joey smacks the ball really hard, shooting it down the table. Chandler slowly takes a bite, the ball bounces off of the wall, heads back up the table, and scores the goal for Chandler.]
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
(The Hombre man enters.)
Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you dont give me that number then Im going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there), and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Joey: I know! I know! It turns out that one of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play, so I steered clear of her
[knock at the door]
The Salesman: Actually, Im not buying. Im selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though youre not really sure what theyre talking about?
Rachel: Yeah, yknow what? Dont look at it. (Realizes the display is their living room) Seriously, dont look at it. (Tries to pull Phoebe away.)
Rachel: Yeah but, maybe its not what we think. Maybe its tell Monica Im sorry I drank the last of the milk.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Ross: Really, it would be good for you and in fact, why don�t you, why don�t you go ahead to the restaurant and I will wait for my mom and then I�ll meet you there.
Joey: Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Ross: Im going to uh Im going to, um, put the bourbon in it at home.
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met. CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Mr Campbell: Dating profile? I-I-I'm talking about the work resumé.
[they walk across the hall]
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Ross: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?
The Dry Cleaner: You, get out of my shop!
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
Joey: Y'know what, I dont think we should listen to this anymore. (Goes to open the door)
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.)
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey and Ross are still trying to figure out how to get down.]
(Ross hands Rachel back the newspaper, and she starts beating him with it again.)
Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly its my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! Were waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each others hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)