words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Gunther: Oh umm, uh we dont sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. (Points.)
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I dont think I have the energy for this.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Rachel: I will not! Im the divisional head of mens sportswear!
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh youre in real estate!
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Monica: Wait a minute, she isnt Shes not the one who you
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have peoples names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachels place.)
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Lets see, well if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) youre parents will be at home in Queens.
Monica: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
Joey: No, Im performing the ceremony. Im not wearing a tux.
Joey: (excitedly) Can I come?! I wont even talk! Youll just hear the noise from my video camera.
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time she and I yknow kissed a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Ross: Thats right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film that Batman film he was in.
Chandler: You cant wear that! Im wearing the famous tux! James Bonds tux!
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey enters.]
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They feel a little unwanted.
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Melissa: anyway, his name is Allan and weve been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Melissa: Oh, isnt a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
Rachel: Remember?! Wecome on both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the coconut bikini tops
Rachel: we went back the house and we got really silly and we we made out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Monica: The show?!
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Joey: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is its the same day as my nieces christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. Cause my parts just in the beginning Im not even in the rest of the showWedding!
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Wh Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldnt stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin together?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as Ross enters carrying his tux around.]
Chandler: I would but mine doesnt fit. The pants are a little tight.
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Chandler: The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell. (Hands him the jacket and walks away.)
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
Joey: Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! (Runs to his apartment and returns wearing a rather silly hat.) Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this (He tilts it to the side of his head) is for party time.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and Im not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you dont remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you dont have to be (Laughs again) sorry. Im Im obviously kidding. Im not in love with you. (To Phoebe) Im not in love with her. I dont hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I dont picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
Joey: So youve just married the one time then?
Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Monica: All you had to do was buy the card!
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
Phoebe: If you could do that, Id marry the hippity-hop.
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Ross is taking pictures of Rachel holding the baby as the rest of the gang enters.]
[Another set of flashbacks begin with Episode 521: The One With The Ball, Joey and Ross are throwing a ball around.]
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
The Woman Dealer: Which guy?
Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you can just let me off...
Chandler: also I was the point person on my companys transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.
Monica: Hes gonna eat the cake!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Ross: Right, um, but, on Hanukkah, Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Rachel: Not in the street!!
Phoebe: Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided Im gonna carry their baby.
(Ross opens the door to reveal Whitney standing there.)
Phoebe: You did the right thing.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant?
Ross: You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. (Rachel has moved closer, but hearing that she starts to back up.) Was there a second of all?
Ross: So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?
Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.
Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I cant, I cant tell you that, its like the most awful, horrible thing Ive ever done my whole life.
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Rachel: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guys cell phone?
Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well nowwhy did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
[Scene: The Recovery Room, Rachel is putting Emma down for a nap.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone.
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Joey: (yelling from the bedroom) Is it back in the cage?
The Director: Cut!
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Earl: Im actually the office manager.
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Monica: This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
The Wedding Guest: Oh, I used to work with Frannie.
Ross: Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.
Joey: (bends down to see and the cactus pricks him in the ass) AWCH! That's why.
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Rachel: You stole the phone!
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Joey: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? (To the Hombre Man) Hey, how ya doin'?
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
(The cute guys phone rings.)
Phoebe: What?! Thats the first time today!
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Phoebe: Well not exactly like the one in the poem.
Phoebe: (shes strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think Ill play it at the wedding.
Phoebe: Well, it was really sweet, and like the most romantic thing ever.
Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?!
Gunther: Hey! Take these cappuccinos to table 11 and that guy over there (points) wants the biscotti.
Joey: (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his way for the shrimp toast.)
The Porsche Owner: Hey! Thats my car.
Zoe: Shut the door! Shut the door!! (Runs over and closes the door.)
(She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachels hand and catches it.)
Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?!
[Scene: Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers.]
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
Chandler: Youre right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Guy: (he reaches into the car and slams his siren on the roof.) So am I!
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
(There is a knock on the door.)
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
(They walk into the living room.)
Monica: Ok, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience! Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests and until then you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Chandler: Yes, if the presents are hidden south for the winter.
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Monica: Oh, But you're finally doing something that you love! I can't ask you to give that up. Though it'd be nice if the thing that you love was y'know... finding gold.
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Joey: The airport?
Ross: You know the song! Sing along!
(They edge closer to the phone on the table.)
Joanna: Oh God, we just clicked! Yknow how people just click? Like he came by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you?
(Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.)
Monica: (Runs out to the hallway) Chandler, wait. It goes: Old job, (Raises her hand) new job, (Raises her hand really high) you. This is just something I have to do.
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
(Matthew mimics the sound again.)
Ross: Whats the matter?
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)
Monica: All right, what about the third guy?