words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and theyre all talking.]
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Gunther: Oh umm, uh we dont sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. (Points.)
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I dont think I have the energy for this.
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, whats up with you?!
Rachel: Wh(Turns and looks at the gang whos staring)Why dont I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Rachel: I will not! Im the divisional head of mens sportswear!
Melissa: I-Ive got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Heres my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh youre in real estate!
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Monica: Wait a minute, she isnt Shes not the one who you
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have peoples names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachels place.)
Rachel: Oh wow. Why dont we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins arent for playing are they?
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Monica: Okay, I think thats it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like theyre having fun dont they?
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Lets see, well if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) youre parents will be at home in Queens.
Monica: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if theres anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, whats the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
Joey: No, Im performing the ceremony. Im not wearing a tux.
Joey: (excitedly) Can I come?! I wont even talk! Youll just hear the noise from my video camera.
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time she and I yknow kissed a little bit.
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Ross: Thats right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film that Batman film he was in.
Chandler: You cant wear that! Im wearing the famous tux! James Bonds tux!
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey enters.]
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They feel a little unwanted.
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Joey: I dont know. Just uh, just tell em it was a mix-up with the invitations, orNo-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I dont think you can blame it on them so (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Melissa: anyway, his name is Allan and weve been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Melissa: Oh, isnt a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
Rachel: Remember?! Wecome on both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the coconut bikini tops
Rachel: we went back the house and we got really silly and we we made out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Monica: The show?!
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, its gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Joey: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is its the same day as my nieces christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. Cause my parts just in the beginning Im not even in the rest of the showWedding!
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Wh Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldnt stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin together?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as Ross enters carrying his tux around.]
Chandler: I would but mine doesnt fit. The pants are a little tight.
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didnt wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Chandler: The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell. (Hands him the jacket and walks away.)
Monica: All right thats it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom stand at the Alter and scream racial slurs? I dont care!
Joey: Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! (Runs to his apartment and returns wearing a rather silly hat.) Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this (He tilts it to the side of his head) is for party time.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and Im not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you dont remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you dont have to be (Laughs again) sorry. Im Im obviously kidding. Im not in love with you. (To Phoebe) Im not in love with her. I dont hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I dont picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well yknow what they say, the 23rd times the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
The Rabbi: Let us begin. Dearly beloved
Joey: The guy left this.
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Woman At The Wedding: Why wont you take our picture?
Man At The Wedding: Uh, would you take one of us?
The Director: Cut! Alex, remember youre supposed to cry. Can you cry for us this time?
Rachel: What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?
Rachel: Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
The Producer: (walking into Macs office) So uh, heres your office set!
Joey: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since Im getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Joey: Pheebs, give me the ring back!
Chandler: (examining the coffee table) Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica!
[Cut to the scene described above.]
Monica: Now, are you glad we didnt start with the bikini strips?
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Phoebe: Me too! (Joins the hug.)
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
(The girls walk away.)
Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.
Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
Joey: Its just a game Mon. (makes a Can-you-believe-her face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
(She opens the door and Rachel hides behind it.)
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Phoebe: Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.
Ross: Ok, well, uh, I can maybe grab a sleeping bag, or...(There's one of those moments. They're staring at each other, no word uttered, and then she leans toward him in order to kiss him, but he ducks and avoids her more than once.) Oh, oh. (he then hugs her and when she tries to kiss him again, he stands up and she falls down on the bed). No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this, this, this is a good idea.
(The couple moves up to the counter.)
(They go up to the counter.)
Tag: Okay. (They sit on the step.)
Jake: (yelling through the window to Phoebe) I miss you already!!
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Chandler: I think I should get the chair!
Joey: What the hell is that?
Rachel: What? Wait-wait a minute, what? Phoebe, what's the matter?
[Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {Its a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (Hes wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that?
[Scene: The museum cafeteria, Joey is eating with the tour guides as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Yes, of course. (Shows him the tickets.)
Phoebe: Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Phoebe: Ok! I want the dolphin!
Rachel: Okay youre right. Ill hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda!
Ross: What? What? What?!! Well they should put that on the box!!!
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebes room.)
(Treeger leaves and Ross notices the door.)
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didnt rip off any buttons.
Monica: I mean think about all the money that youre gonna make!
Monica: (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars?
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Chandler: (looks at Monica then at them) We need the stuff.
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Ross: No, because thats the right thing to do.
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Rachel: (coming down the stairs) Hey! (Ross jumps up, and quickly puts the letter back together, pretending like he has just finished it.) What happened to you? Why didnt you come up?
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Phoebe: Hey! So how was the doctor?
Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.)
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Phoebe: So how was the honeymoon?
The Director: You guys make me fly! High! Okay, were gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Ross: But hey, its not just me, I mean the scientists and the tour guides never sit together.
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Chandler: Whos number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Theres the one!
Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why dont you ever go out the bloody window!
Ross: The lie you just told.
Joey: Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to the audition! I got the part!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Ross: (forcing the door open) Come on, Rachel, come on! Talk to me! Please!!
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Isit's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler: (to the front desk clerk) Hi! Were checking out of the bridal suite.
Ross: Joey, Im not worried about her! Im worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them?
Ross: (entering) Rachel wont talk to me! She wont even open the door!
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susans lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.
[The camera cuts to show the couch, which has been cut in half.]
Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.'
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
Chandler: Okay before we start the celebration, Monica has to go put on her party dress.
Monica: Hey! How'd the audition go?!
Monica: Okay. Sorry. (She goes into the guest bedroom.)
Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that hes so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the kitchen counter and Ross enters from Rachel and Emma's room.]
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
Monica: I... I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair! (Tries to move her huge hair away from the phone, in vain)
(Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]