words in movies
Joey: (enters the room) Hey, you guys, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Chandler: (browsing through a diary) Well, let me see... I-I believe I'm... yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
Joey: I wish I could but I just found out that I have to be at work really early the next day, so I can't go, but, you know, take the extra ticket and invite whoever you want.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Monica: In the hall.
[Scene: In the hall]
Rachel: Yeah! You know, ever since I had that dream about him, and can't get it out of my head! And what's the big deal, people do it all the time!
Rachel: Ok, off the top of my head... Don and Janet.
Rachel: I don't know, what were the names I just said?
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Monica: What the hell are you cooking!
Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.
Ross: Oh, no, it's no big deal, I mean, if I weren't doing this I'd just, you know, be at the gym working out.
Charlie: And, by the way, I really enjoyed your paper on the connection between geographic isolation and rapid mutagenesis.
Monica: (to chandler) Twenty bucks says they're married within the month.
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
(Rachel enters the room and checks the answering machine)
Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Joey: (entering the room) Hey!
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... (she plays the answering machine)
Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.
Rachel: OH! And the year before that, when you set up that nighttime tour of that button factory?
Joey: (speaking aloud) Please, I was trying to be nice, you're the worst one!
Joey: Ok, ok! Fine! You can come, but don't tell anybody else. It's up on the roof at 8.
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Professor Spafford: (speaking very slowly) And then my wife and I went on a cruise to the Galapagos. There was a sea food buffet you wouldn't believe. There were clams, and mussels, and oysters, and cracked crab, and snow crab, and king crab. It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
Ross: (very bored, he tries to avoid the conversation speaking to Charlie) So, where did you get your undergraduate degree?
Charlie: Kinda playing fast and loose with the word "interesting".
Professor Spafford: If you'll excuse me I'm going to use the restroom. (he goes away)
Ross: I've lost the will to live.
Charlie: Come on, he's still in the bathroom! I'm begging you!
Phoebe: Yeah, I saw the article on your coffee table and I memorized the title to freak you out!
Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Monica: Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof!
Monica: The game's over! Take off your robe!
[Scene: The Roof]
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
Chandler: Where the hell is everybody?
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
Monica: (to Rachel) Look at you with all the guys!
Monica: Please... Chandler is the love of my life... (At which point a man in leather pants walks by)... oooh leather pants! Have Mercy! (Follows the man in the leather)
Charlie: Actually, Alby is the guy I broke up with.
Ross: Eh, you think? I mean, you went out with a guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
Charlie: Ok, you want the dirt? Alby was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
Ross: Who is intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Ross: Oh my God! Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie: No, but he did just win the McArthur genius grant.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
Phoebe: Oh, What's the matter?
Ross: She... she only dates geniuses and Nobel Prize winners. Oh my God, at the chinese restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretented to be a woolly mammoth.
Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
[Scene: The roof, Joey is walking towards Ross with a guy]
Dirk: Oh! Hey well listen, I play a scientist on "Days". And my character has just won the Nobel prize.
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Monica: That's it, just sign right on the bra (the actor does so).
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Joey: (discarding all the remaining tissues one by one) Pass, pass, oh, pass, double-pass, pass...
Rachel: (picking up the tissues) Why, why, what's wrong with these guys?
Joey: Nothing major, it's just that, you know, they're not really good enough for you, and you deserve the best.
Chandler: (to Monica) So, how did you enjoy the play?
Chandler: Well you should be. You missed the most powerful three hours in the history of the theater.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I had no idea the amazing journey you go through as a woman! Tell me, tell me about your first period!
[Scene: At the counter. Ross is sitting there, drinking. Phoebe approaches him.]
Phoebe: Hey Ross! So listen, about you and the dinosaur girl, are you really just gonna let a couple of Nobel prizes scare you off? What is that, come on, a piece of paper?
Ross: Yeah, maybe. I do have my whole career in front of me. I mean, I can still win a Nobel prize. Although the last two papers I've written were widely discredited.
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Monica: What about all the guys that you've got the phone numbers from? Why don't you just kiss one of them?
[Scene: The theater. Monica, Phoebe and Chandler are sitting in the first line]
(All are returning from the street after picking up dropped lottery tickets)
Joey: (after Ross leaves the room) aaand SEND! (he hits the send button)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt eitherOoh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Joey: What’s the matter?
Chandler: (sighs) Just one more thing. I was so pissed at you that night that I wanted to get back at you. So I thought, who does Ross like the more than anybody?
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Donny: Okay. Give me sixty seconds on the clock please... Ready, GO! (runs off)
(The machine picks up the phone)
Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line?
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch still staring at the screen.]
Chandler: Sure! Thats one of the great things about being engaged. Im not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall).
Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy thats just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy thats just been fired, blond bitch!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's trying to teach Joey French, so she's sitting in front of him with the script in her hands.]
Ross: Hey! Howd the ah, basketball go?
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
[Scene: The hallway]
Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.)
Phoebe: Please, Monica? In the hall?
Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Chandler: What d'ya know... It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Monica: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets] [Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]
Monica: Alright, we don't know that it's him. I mean, it could be the football guy.
(Chandler enters the apartment)
Rachel: What is the matter with us?
Joey: (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
The Teacher: All right, let's move on.
(Ross closes the door)
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
Monica: Okay, I've broken them down into categories. Okay, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candids, y'know And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, oh let's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See? (Hands her the photo.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.
Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you dont think thats just a little funny?!
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
Ross: Look, no-no, hey, hey, don't worry about it! In nine years, she and I will be right there. (Goes and sits on the couch dejectedly.)
Ross: That's the hope! So, is Emma awake yet?
Joey: Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Chandler: Was that place... The Sun?
Joey: Are you kidding me? Im great! Yeah, Im uh; Im better than great. I am good. And now that shes gone, I can uh, I can do all this stuff around here that I couldnt do before. Yknow? Like umm, I can walk around naked again. Yknow? I can uh, I can watch porn in the living room. Right? This is uh, this is good for me. Yknow? I like being on my own, Im uh, better off this way. Im uh, a lone wolf. Yknow? A loner. Alone. All alone. Forever. Whats a wolf got to do to get a huh around here?! (Chandler rushes over and hugs him.)
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, Id be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
{Transcribers Note: She puts the key into the ignition, which is on the left side of the steering wheel. Does anyone know why that is? Its a tradition left over from Porsches racing history. The worlds greatest endurance race is the 24 Hours of LeMans. Which is in France and runs for 24 hours straight from noon on Saturday through the dark of night and finishes at noon on Sunday. In the 60s LeMans had a unique start where the drivers would actually start the race outside of the car and across the track. At the start of the race, the drivers would run across the track, get in the car, buckle up, start the car, and drive off. Porsche wanted to reduce the amount of time that took. Since all cars to that point had the ignition switches on the right side of the steering wheel, that required the drivers to use their right hand to grab the seat-belts, put the car in gear and start it. The drivers left hand did nothing. Porsche in order to save a few seconds in a 24-hour race; moved the ignition switches to the left side of the steering wheel so that the driver could start the car with his left hand while grabbing the seat-belts with his right hand. Thats why every Porsche car built since then has the ignition on the left side of the steering wheel.}
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Monica: Wow, the boyfriend's parents! That's a big step.
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm now here we are.
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
[Scene: Later on in the hallway between the apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Chandler: Ah-ha, youre not the boss of me. (She kisses him) Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.
(Monica walks down to Erica's legs to watch the birth.)
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Joey: Ill take those to go. (To the interviewer) For the kids.
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Monica: (outside the door) Its Monica, open up!
Joey: Oh yeah, sure. (She gets up, walks towards the bathroom, and Joey watches her go.) Ehhh.
(The phone rings, Ross picks up)
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
Chandler: (looking around at the others)I'll ask. (To Ross) Boohaki?
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
(She hangs up the phone and starts to head back to the kitchen and notices some money lying out, stops, reaches down to pick it up, the phone rings causing her to drop it, she quickly puts it back, and heads for the kitchen.)
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
Joey: Ok! (Opens the door for them)
Ross: Look at you two, bonding, making us late for the airport so
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
(The phone rings, Joey picks up)
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Estelle: The one I told you about last week?
Monica: Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.)
Monica: Everybody get your toys! (They all run toward the table with toys)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?
Rachel: Well this has story behind it! I mean they had to ship it all the way from the White Plains store.
(Monica turns to see the closed door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.]
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer lets see what you got. All right ya, put em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
Phoebe: Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals. (She holds up the tickets that Kyle gave her.)
Phoebe: Okay, so I totally took care of the babies all by myself! I fed em, bathed em, and put em to bed.
Chandler: Oh thats not true! Thats not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it (notices the look on Monica and Phoebes faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials
Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!
(Phoebe enters the apartment again.)
RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!