words in movies
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Emily: If anyone asks, well just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
[The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
[The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.]
[Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
[Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.]
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ooh, I just wish we hadnt lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
[Cut back to the present.]
[Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.]
[The One With The Fake Party]
[Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.]
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and youre sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Chandler: See, maybe thats the one we shouldve actually hidden.
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.)
[The next clip is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend.]
[Scene: The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie.]
Rachel: (seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
(Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.)
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.)
[cut to later in the same scene]
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
[Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.]
Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.]
Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didnt say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
[The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
[Scene: The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are argueing about the breakup.]
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
[cut back to the present.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding.]
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the Prom Video and Rachel is about to make her entrance on the video. The italics are portions of the prom video.]
Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Ross: (walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable) Okay dad.
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
[Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.]
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. Youre really not going?
Rachel: Yeah. Its just gonna be too hard. Yknow? I mean, its Ross. How can I watch him get married? Yknow its just, its for the best, yknow it is, its Yknow, plus, somebodys got to stay here with Phoebe! Yknow shes gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that theres a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "Its almost as good as being there."
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Frank Sr.: Oh! What about, what about the girls?
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Rachel: She has the drugs!
Chandler: The whole thing! Can we go?
Ross: Monica, what is the matter with you?
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Chandler: No. We were in the middle of sex and you fell asleep.
Phoebe: Is Rachel having the baby?
[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.
Elizabeth: Do you know where the store is?
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Lets hear their plan! Now, whats the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
[Scene: Ms. Geller, Rachel and Ross storm into the apartment.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Monica: Hey. (Sits down on the arm of the couch.)
Monica: Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?
The Interviewer: We can go into detail
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
Ross: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
The Cooking Teacher: (To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monicas station! (She tries Monicas fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! Youve never made this before?
Rachel: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. (Puts her hand in the pocket) Here are your keys, hon. (She takes the keys out, sets them on the counter, and notices she also grabbed a receipt.)
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnies the best!
Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!!
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldnt eat meat until she has the babies!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
(The next couple enters.)
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Rachel: Hey, hows hows the uh, miracle chair?
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
(He hands Joey the bag and he quickly counts its contents.)
Rachel: Oh for the love of God!
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Cliff: Are all the questions this personal?
Joey: (checking the list) Yes.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
Joey: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Nurse: (calling to the woman) This rooms available.
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch as a man enters.]
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're in the kitchen as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: In the death seat?!!
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emilys hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Phoebe: Im just helping the kids!