words in movies
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Joey: And while were down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandlers excited.) Oh, yknow what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Emily: If anyone asks, well just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Rosss point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
[The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
[Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
[The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.]
[Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
[Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
(She opens the door and they kiss.)
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, youre right. Lets ah, lets take a break, (goes to the door) lets cool off, okay, lets get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.]
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ooh, I just wish we hadnt lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
[Cut back to the present.]
[Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.]
[The One With The Fake Party]
[Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.]
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and youre sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Chandler: See, maybe thats the one we shouldve actually hidden.
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.)
[The next clip is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend.]
[Scene: The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie.]
Rachel: (seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
(Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.)
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.)
[cut to later in the same scene]
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
[Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.]
Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.]
Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didnt say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
[The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
[Scene: The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are argueing about the breakup.]
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
[cut back to the present.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding.]
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the Prom Video and Rachel is about to make her entrance on the video. The italics are portions of the prom video.]
Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Ross: (walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable) Okay dad.
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
[Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.]
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. Youre really not going?
Rachel: Yeah. Its just gonna be too hard. Yknow? I mean, its Ross. How can I watch him get married? Yknow its just, its for the best, yknow it is, its Yknow, plus, somebodys got to stay here with Phoebe! Yknow shes gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that theres a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "Its almost as good as being there."
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Rachel: (standing up) Ahh... Chandler's on the couch!!
Chandler: And yet, shes still not hanging up the phone.
Joey: Havent you ever read the same book over and over again?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Joey: Im so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you dont like the guy Rachels dating? Well, thats odd.
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
Ross: Yes, and the dimmer switch.
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.
The Salesman: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C?
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh hey! Hey uh, you remember the necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it?
Monica: What is the worse part?
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Monica: (Pulls Laura into the spare room) Why don't I show you the baby's room?
Chandler: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty--she's pretty.
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful. And then when I turned around she was gone.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Monica: Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Monica: Wow, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted coming all the way from Texas.
Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I wont! Ill be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.
Rachel: Im just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldnt have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Billy: Whats the matter?
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
[cut back to the gang.]
[cut to the gang]
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
Erica: Why don't you ask the reverend to pray on it?
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
The Guys: Pete?!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Dr. Zane: Okay, itll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Monica: Yeah, but without the costumes.
Rachel: As I was saying I should probably have the first of the three kids by the time Im 35 which gives me five years. I love this plan! I wanna marry this plan!
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
Monica: To the bank.
Monica: I hear ya. Excuse me for just a second! (Gets up and heads for the bathroom as that annoying Gotta-win-at-all-costs-super-competitive thing kicks in again.)
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Rachel: Gavin, I just wanted to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an appology.
(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)
Ross: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... (Stops suddenly and turns to look at Monica) Ewwww!! You peed on yourself?!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Ross: My son? Pretty serious. (Theres a knock on the door and Ross answers it.) Oh hey Katie! (The cashier from before) What uh, what are you doing here?
Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he *really* wants to do?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Rachel: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Ross: Okay. (Closes the door.) (To Phoebe) I did divert her and we ended up having a great time! Okay?
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
Monica: (from the bathroom) Im in the shower!
Joey: Oh well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, Ive got another date.
Doug: Hi. So good news, the divorce is final. I signed the papers this A.M.
Ross: Im-Im gonna wear this all the time! I love this shirt!! (he kisses the shirt)
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
[Scene: Pete's apartment, Monica is there to water the plants, and is showing the gang around.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
Phoebe Sr: I realise I dont have any right to start get all parenty on you and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isnt paying attention and is busy mimicking the puppy.) uhh Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy, its very important.
Phoebe: Thats fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Chandler: (to Janice) Dont look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
[We see the rest of them are now crying.]
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesnt count.