words in movies
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lovers spat.
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
Joey: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? Ive dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
Rachel: Be-because the last one was such a big seller?
Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! Youre not Elizabeths dad?!
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, its the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]
The Producer: (walking into Macs office) So uh, heres your office set!
Joey: Wow! Huh? (Picks up the phone) Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!
The Producer: (checking his watch) Lets get you into wardrobe for a fitting.
Joey: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?
The Producer: Im sorry, why dont we do that right now? Hes right here. (Points to a guy.)
The Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is
Joey: Oh wow! Hes so lifelike! (Starts touching the guys cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guys ears.
The Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
The Producer: Ill let you two guys get acquainted, huh? (Walks away.)
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)
Joey: (laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, yknow? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Monica: Yknow, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, cause usually hes got the childrens hospital.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: No, you said the baby creeps you out.
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Monica: You said the baby.
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?
Phoebe: Yeah, its about relationships. Yknow? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Rachel: Oh! Well lets look for them. (Finds some under one of the couch cushions. It has a pink, fuzzy ball on the key chain.) Oh-oh-hey! Are these them?
Rachel: All right! (Throws them back under the cushion.)
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Joey: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.
Joey: Anyway, it wasnt the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesnt like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but Im the star! Yknow? Theres a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
Estelle: (on the other end) Joe! Im glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Ross: (coming out of the bedroom) Oh! Oh my God! I didnt even see you!
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Ross: What-what-what thehow da-how did-what the-how did-what?!
Ross: You were at the coffeehouse!
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Lets face it, so far the guys not lovin ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, yknow? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Monica: No sweetie, youve got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! Youve got to kiss some serious robot ass!
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Monica: Yeah! Thats why Im sleeping with him on the side.
Joey: Morning! Hey, hows my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! Im gonna go to the bathroom.
(Rachel heads for the bathroom.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Rachel: Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.
(Ross slams his head down on the table.)
Monica: Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the sevens, let meet at seven, not at six.
Phoebe: (Turning around in the chair) Hi!
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly its my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!
Joey: Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Chandler: (whispering in Joeys ear) The reason he just said.
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Paul: Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)
C.H.E.E.S.E.: The shipment never made it through Omaha?
Joey: You got it! And the rabbis beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.s next line.) Its your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging its arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Ross: Ive gotta go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!
Monica: I-I am serious, I mean, we're, we're all over each other all the time.
Joey: Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
(Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again)
Chandler: Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with the flowers.
Chandler: Yeah, well. Its the right thing to do.
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
The Doctor: (seeing theyre not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins.
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
(The oven timer pings again.)
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross Lingers In The Bathroom.
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Rachel: But y'know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Joey: I did that too! They wouldnt give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again theyd call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them Im missing a ring!"
Joey: No, no, no! Its real! And it has been since 1998. (Rachel returns from the bathroom.) Hey Rach! Rach! Im up for a Soapie!
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Phoebe: I cant help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, Im the one who found your phone.
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.)
Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight youre gonna have a bachelor party.
Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.
Ross: What about the time I said we were on a break?
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Kim: Hi Rachel. Ohh, Ive been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.
Phoebe: Her name is Precious? Is she a purebreed or did you pick her up at the pound?
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Monica: What? (Monica sees the first couple and gasps.)
[cut to later, Rosss team has the ball.]
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
Chandler: Well, lets just say that Krog will be fully equipped to destroy the universe again in twelve to fourteen hours.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Joey: All right, but in the future...
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
Monica: After the snap!
Director: Next on the platforms are (He points to the right of Ross and Monica, so they dance over to where hes pointing to. He points away from them) you two! And (He points the other way, and Ross and Monica follow his arm. Again he points away.) You two!
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldnt have lost the ring, right? Yknow what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
Monica: (sympathetic) Oh. (in a pirates voice) So you made her walk the plank? Aye, matie?
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you dont deserve this, you dont Ross. Youre, youre really, youre so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: The Geller Cup.
Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Monica: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, Im cold! (She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door opens)
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!
Maitre D�: Good evening, Miss. (Phoebe turns her head away) Miss? (from the opposite side) Miss? (she turns again) Miss!
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]
[Scene: A newsstand, Phoebe is looking at a magazine as the guy from before walks by and picks up a newspaper.]
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel enters.]
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, there is a beeping noise coming from the living room and Phoebe sleepily goes to investigate.]
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Amy: A-And it's on Fifth. And the elevator opens up right into the living room.
Joey: (stepping in and knocking the man over) Hey, if we know it can we have candy?!!
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment. Sandy is knitting baby clothes. Ross and Rachel walk into the living room.]
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Im like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please dont hate me.
Chandler: Shocking! Since you still have the keys.
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
[Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel.]
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is playing his music. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
(they both start up the stairs.)
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Joey: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! (He opens the box) Get out of there!
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Chandler: I dont have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)