words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Phoebe: (entering and talking on mobile phone) Ok, great! All right, bye! (she hangs up) Pain in the ass!! (she looks at the others, then back at the phone) That's off, right?
Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters]
Ross: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?
Charlie: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions?
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Joey: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Phoebe: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. (to the shop assistant) Yeah.
(The shop assistant sprays the perfume on Phoebe's neck)
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
Charlie: You've seen all the movies...
Rachel: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies!
(Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.)
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
(Rachel opens the curtains and sees Charlie coming out from the dressing room just next to theirs)
Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
[Scene: Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are talking in front of the dressing room]
(Phoebe moves in the dressing room from which Charlie went out)
Phoebe: (goes back in) I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
Rachel: (yelling at the stranger) Alright! Enough out of you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings]
Ross: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker...
Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen]
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
(Zack comes out of the bathroom. They all sit down at the table.)
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
[Scene: In the store. Rachel and Phoebe returning from the changing rooms]
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
[Scene: Prof. Sherman's office. Sherman is still asleep on his chair, blocking the door.]
Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
(David the scientist guy is standing at the news-stand)
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?
Rachel: (disapprovingly) Tip of the iceberg.
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something).
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
[Chandler makes a noise of absolute disgust and heads into the living room.]
ROSS: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Mrs. Geller: Oh no, dont be silly. I just bet Id need these. (Opens the freezer to reveal )
Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.
Monica: Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
Ross: Oh great, I live on the street.
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
Ross: Thats funny. Yeah. Yknow youre the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
[Scene: The rest stop, Joey is making a sign.]
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
[Scene: The ride along.]
Monica: Nice work everybody! So much for the yknow, "You can drive it, but dont tell Rachel" plan!
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
Joey: Okay, bye. (He hangs up the phone.)
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the brides maid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, youre not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya?
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
Rachel: So honey, what are you gonna do about the little girl?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (entering) Hey Ross? Umm, I just ran into Caitlin in the hallway and-and uh, you must be getting better at this flirting stuff than I thought.
Chandler: Why dont you go up on stage. Ill get a picture of you doing the speech.
Joey: (on the tape) I'm comin' out! (He opens the door and hops out pointing the gun in all directions and then runs out of view.)
Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, youre the best!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is returning from Petes.]
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Ross: Ah, well all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
MINDY: ...from the syphilis.
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
[cut to later in the same scene]
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancers hot pants) so good.
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Phoebe: Ooh, yknow what, I think its time for puppy to go out again. Come on, lets go to the balcony.
Joey: The what?
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
PHOEBE: I'm so sorry honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.� So, you have to intercept all his calls.
Monica: What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby will come?
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Joey: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.
Phoebe: Please, right now, no, every time I see him its like Is it on the lose? Is it watching me?
Monica: No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
Doctor: Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]
Joey: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom wont let me cross the street.
[Scene: Bill and Colleen's apartment. Chandler comes running into the living room. Monica is the only one there.]
Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isnt looking.)
Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it is the two of us, like college, remember? You...you break theice with some kind of jokes so that they know you're the funny one and I swoop in with some interesting conversation, sothey'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one...
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
Jason: So Phoebe, you ah, sounded kinda serious on the phone, is ah, is anything wrong?
CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too.
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
Phoebe: A-Allright, well... I'll call the cab company.
[Another group of flashbacks begin with Episode 513: The One With Joeys Bag. Joey is carrying the bag and has entered Central Perk to the amusement of Ross and Chandler.]
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
(from 1.01 - "The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate - The Pilot")
Ross: So its looks like were the first ones here.