words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie, Joey and Rachel are on the couches]
Rachel: (hiding herself behind the magazine and whispering) Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Charlie: If you have the time, I'd really appreciate the help.
Phoebe: (entering and talking on mobile phone) Ok, great! All right, bye! (she hangs up) Pain in the ass!! (she looks at the others, then back at the phone) That's off, right?
Joey: What's the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: Oh, ain't that nice? The three of you trying on slutty lingerie together.
Chandler: (looking at the picture of the female reproductive system) Wow! Fortunately she has a very pretty face!
Doctor Connelly: Ok, given your situation, the options with the greatest chances for success would be surrogacy, or insemination using a sperm donor.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Charlie on the couch. Rachel enters]
Ross: Guess who's up for keynote speaker at the National Paleontology Conference?
Charlie: So you're up for keynote speaker! Who's making the decisions?
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Joey: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?
Ross: So-so what did the doctor say?
Chandler: Aside from adoption the only other choice is insemination, so... we're talking about sperm donors.
Ross: The data we are receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing of these fossils are - are staggering.
Ross: (reading from a notepad) I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's dates as a given, but if they're off by even a hundred thousand years or so then you can - you can just throw most of our assumptions, you know, right in the trash. (he throws the notepad in the waste bin) So-so what I am saying is - is is that (he picks the notepad back from the waste bin) is that the repercussions could be huge! I mean, not just in palaeontology, but if-if you think about it, in evolutionary biology, uh, genetics, geology, uh, I mean, truly the mind boggles!
Phoebe: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. (to the shop assistant) Yeah.
(The shop assistant sprays the perfume on Phoebe's neck)
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
Charlie: You've seen all the movies...
Rachel: Yeah! I'm a big fan! Of the movies, you know. Motion pictures. The Talkies!
(Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.)
Rachel: I don't know, you know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart, and tall! You know, and just swept Joey off his feet... I mean, nobody else has a chance!
Rachel: Ok, great, because I gotta get out of here, the smell of beets is killing me!
(Rachel opens the curtains and sees Charlie coming out from the dressing room just next to theirs)
Chandler: Well, we're talking about sperm donors and Zack may be the guy! I mean, look, he's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic, I mean, he is "spermtastic"!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
[Scene: Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are talking in front of the dressing room]
(Phoebe moves in the dressing room from which Charlie went out)
Phoebe: (goes back in) I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Stranger: And it is annoying when parents put their baby on the phone...
Rachel: (yelling at the stranger) Alright! Enough out of you!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting on his bed and the phone rings]
Ross: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker...
Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartement. Chandler and the guest are in the living room, Monica in the kitchen]
Zack: Oh! I'm gonna go wash up first. (Chandler points him the bathroom) Thanks!
(Zack comes out of the bathroom. They all sit down at the table.)
Chandler: Oh! Thanks, I'm crazy about our place. Hey! speaking of crazy... do you have a history of mental illness in the family?
Chandler: (very seriously) That's really not the kind of thing we are looking for Zack.
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
[Scene: In the store. Rachel and Phoebe returning from the changing rooms]
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
[Scene: Prof. Sherman's office. Sherman is still asleep on his chair, blocking the door.]
Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the sofa, eating a cookie.]
Joey: (impressed) Wow! You look... (drops the cookie)... stop-eating hot! Which is like the highest level of hotness!
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
(David the scientist guy is standing at the news-stand)
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?
Rachel: (disapprovingly) Tip of the iceberg.
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something).
Monica: He says he wants to leave the country. (Pause) He thinks you hate him.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of the box.]
Phoebe: What? You know about the plate thing?
(Rachel enters from the main door)
Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Tommy: Ooh, I dont know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Phoebe: Well, I still think that it’s a stupid reason not to call someone again. You are calling her! And if you need to, just get an extra plate of fries for the table!
Mona: Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we cant. Its too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just It just wasnt meant to be.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Monica: (naughty in doorway) Welcome home. I�ve missed you. join me in the bedroom?
Chandler: Plus I thought the baby would be in good hands with a doctor!
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
(The agency guy enters the room)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and its actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this years), as Monica is getting everything ready.]
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Joey: Here, I brought you some flowers. (He pulls them out of the bag.)
Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no.
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Rosss seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airports moving. (Realizes that thats not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that were moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
Bitsy: By the way, do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter Jen.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Rachel: Monica look! Look-look-look! Here is that table that I ordered. (Shows her the picture.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Sarah: What? what is the matter with you?
Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.
Ross: Hey, what do you say we celebrate? Champagne? (he goes to get the champagne)
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters the room.]
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Joey: (to the torte) Stop staring at me!
Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby. (holds up the sonogram)
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Phoebe: (likes the jacket) No, but I like it. I think I left one of my rat babies.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Monica: But we were hoping that since we told you the truth that you still might consider...
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a question? Was it me, or-or was the guy who took my blood sample really cute? Yknow who Im talking about, bald haircut, hairy fingers (Stops when she realizes it was her.)
Danny: so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Ross: No, you guys, I mean my keyboards are all the way up inNo, yeah, okay. (Runs out.)
Ross: Well, looks like it's just the two of us tonight, huh old buddy?
Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, youre gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.
Ross: Weird.. your psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon...
(Ross puts the piece back on the plate)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, with the giant entertainment center Joey is exiting from his room.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around the kitchen table as Ross enters.]
Ross: Well, Im gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with) in some water.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa, the Armadillo, and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's a sentence, I never thought I'd say.
Chandler: (picking up the phone) Hello.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Chandler enters the door.]
[Scene: Rachels office, Joannas telling Rachel, her side of the story.]
Phoebe: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the house.)
Chandler: Oh, uhm... I have to work too. Yeah, I'm stuck at the office all day.
Monica: Im fine now, but it was really scary there for a while. I mean, someone slipped a-a threatening note under the door.
Chandler: I was in the car with Nancy all day.
[Fade to Black, then fade in again with Ross stopped at the doorway.]
Monica: Don’t you love the huge yard?
[Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
Ross: I know, and with the baby coming?
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
Cecilia: Oh that explains all the womens underwear.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Rachel: Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying.
Joey: What the hell are you doin'?
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
(from 1.07 - "The One With The Blackout")
(from 1.18 - "The One With All the Poker")
(from 3.09 - "The One With All the Football")
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
The Guys: We will. (they don’t move)
Colleen: It's pretty much all the information you need.
(from 5.08 - "The One With the Thanksgiving Flashbacks")
Chandler: If you win, we give up the birds.
Ross: Don’t blame the questions!
(from 5.15 - "The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey")
Chandler: Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps? Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Ross: What the hell are doing?!!