words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Joey: Hey. (Heads straight for the fridge.)
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Ross: Well, if hes angry, he really shouldnt just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Rachel: Well, youre lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm The rest of you life, yknow? Any regrets?
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Male Jeweler: Okay. (Holds out the ring, deadpan.) Will you marry me?
Chandler: (choking up) Oh my God thats it, thats the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Phoebe: Okay. (To the jeweler) Listen, Im sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10.
Gunther: (handing them the bill) Here you go.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. (Hands Gunther Chandlers card.) Yknow I gotta tell ya, sometimes I justI dont get Chandler. Yknow, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you dont get all upset.
Ross: All the time?
Joey: All the time!
Rachel: Whats the other one?
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Male Jeweler: (to the female jeweler) Wheres the 1920s princess cut ring.
Female Jeweler: I just sold it to that gentleman. (Points to the one walking out the store.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Chandler is entering with his credit card and Phoebe is holding out another ring for him.]
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
Chandler: Oh, thats uh, thats pretty nice but Im gonna go with the one I picked first.
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Phoebe: Maybe it was the guy.
Chandler: It was the ring!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch and Joey is entering.]
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Rachel: Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, (sits on the counter and buttons her sweater to show some cleavage) get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isnt too revealing is it?
Rachel: I dont care about the little dude! I cant! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Yknow, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then its only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I couldve made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Customer: I dont know. (Pause) Let me see the ring.
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
Joey: Oh its water under the bridge, forget it!
Joey: (holding an empty tissue box) Wheres all the tissues?! (Throws the box down in disgust.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Phoebe: Yeah, youre right. Hows the Mrs.?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering and Mona from the wedding recognizes him.]
Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Rachel: Oh thats all right! Yknow, I ended up having a really good time. Yknow, the charity was a big success and they raised a lot of money and awareness.
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Ross: Ooh, well. Ah, I kinda have got a lot on my plate right now, not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country with a strange man. (Mr. Oberblau giggles)
Chandler: Hey, look at all the boxes!
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Ross: All right, heres the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.
Chandler: (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh Theres more crust on this side. Yknow? So, maybe if I measured
Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Monica: Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy.
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
[Scene: The casino, Phoebe is playing on a slot machine. Suddenly the lurker sticks her head around the aisle of slot machines.]
Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side affects and stuff.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
(At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the triplets are all in their crib as Monica and Phoebe watch them.]
Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.)
Rachel: Oh, I know it. Youre right. Thats not sexy. Oh Oh! (Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. (Tries too, but cant quite seem to make it.) Oh God!
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, its down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
Phoebe: (she turns around and puts the cat on the entertainment center) Ross, how many parents have you lost?
Joey: Im sorry, I just I like things the way they are.
Chandler: Honey, it's us. Of course it's the shovel-killer.
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, yknow? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink?
Tim: Last time I saw you, it was the morning I left for college. And you were just standing outside The Dairy Queen.
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the Von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.
Ross: Its no surprise that your winning, cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. (Rachel glares at her.)
Rachel: Take the top down did ya?
Monica: The second sister dies?!
(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)
Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's (Does the fist thing.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (Ohh, thats the last time Im ever gonna type that line. Its just so sad.) Joey is entering, angrily.]
Ross: Hey Gunther, can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go? (He puts a bag with diapers in it on the counter.)
Joey: Uh, okay Ill-Ill-Ill break it down. (He hands the phone to Phoebe, gets up, picks up a chair, and starts banging it on the floor.)
Joey: (to the dog) Cmere. Hey. Cmere. Thats Rachel. Shes the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with youwe love her. But we cant have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? Youre a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.
Janice: Okay! (She runs for the bathroom)
Ross: Did you see the look that girl just gave me? Huh? She mustve seen me cruising in the bad boy.
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husbands gonna say that stuff. Now, if youll excuse me
Joey: Joey. (They shake hands.) Hey Jake, do you like the Knicks?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
The Fireman: Theres a reset button under the plastic cover.
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Monica: (seeing the stack of newspapers) Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
Phoebe: (screaming) Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didnt rip off any buttons.
Chandler: Yeah, I just ordered a beer! (Pounds the table.)
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just dont know what the big deal is!
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?
Ross: I can handle the stick!!
Policeman: Can he handle the stick?
ROSS: Hello.� (listens)� Ah, no, she's not here right now.� Can I take a message?� (grabs a pad and pen)� Bill from the bar?� (writes)� Okay, "Bill from the bar."� I'll make sure she gets your number.
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "You are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Chandler: Hm-hmm, I told you! (Looks at the clock) I cant believe that Ive only got two hours before I call in sick for work.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]
(The policeman walks up.)
Chandler: Honey, Im gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in the right case.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
MR. GELLER: You're the twinkie?
Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
Waitress: (to the woman) $4.50 please.
Chandler: That all the pieces of my life are falling right into place!
Joey: Yes thats the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!
Phoebe: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David!
Pete: Yeah. Monica, I want you there in the front row when I win. I want you close enough to smell the blood. What do you think?
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
The Chorus Line: Amen!
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Monica: Ross! That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike! When I heard the story, I almost cried.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Phoebe: The movie?
Rachel: The commercial?
Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.
Ross: I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow! Ok? I have to stand up in front of all these people. What am I gonna say?
Joey: Wow! Huh? (Picks up the phone) Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!
Chandler: Im gonna go to the bathroom.
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)