words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Joey: Hey. (Heads straight for the fridge.)
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Chandler: Oh well, we dont because we got the other pl-place.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what-what was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Ross: Well, if hes angry, he really shouldnt just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Rachel: Well, youre lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majesky. Anyway, umm The rest of you life, yknow? Any regrets?
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Chandler: Nothin! This is the nine millionth ring store weve been too and I cant find the perfect ring! (Goes over to another display counter and starts pointing at rings.) Ugly ring! Ugly ring! Ugly ring! (Notices that one of the jewelers is watching him.) Its a beautiful selection. (The jeweler walks away slowly.)
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Male Jeweler: Okay. (Holds out the ring, deadpan.) Will you marry me?
Chandler: (choking up) Oh my God thats it, thats the ring! How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Phoebe: Okay. (To the jeweler) Listen, Im sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10.
Gunther: (handing them the bill) Here you go.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-ho-ho, I got this one. Here you go. (Hands Gunther Chandlers card.) Yknow I gotta tell ya, sometimes I justI dont get Chandler. Yknow, me and him do stuff all the time without you and you dont get all upset.
Ross: All the time?
Joey: All the time!
Rachel: Whats the other one?
Monica: I dont know, Ive never had to use the other one. Im just saying yknow, if were having sex, hes not gonna be talking.
Rachel: Oh thats right. Youre the talker. (They both reflect on that briefly) Anyway uh, great idea! Umm, I gotta go to the store; I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Male Jeweler: (to the female jeweler) Wheres the 1920s princess cut ring.
Female Jeweler: I just sold it to that gentleman. (Points to the one walking out the store.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Chandler is entering with his credit card and Phoebe is holding out another ring for him.]
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
Chandler: Oh, thats uh, thats pretty nice but Im gonna go with the one I picked first.
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Chandler: Yeah but when he proposed to me with the ring I got goose bumps.
Phoebe: Maybe it was the guy.
Chandler: It was the ring!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch and Joey is entering.]
Ross: Hey! So uh, was he excited about the tickets?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Rachel: Okay, hold on real quick, hold on a second let me just uh, (sits on the counter and buttons her sweater to show some cleavage) get a little more comfortable here. Wait, now wait a second, this isnt too revealing is it?
Rachel: I dont care about the little dude! I cant! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Yknow, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then its only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I couldve made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Chandler: (to him) Hi! Hi. Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store, the ring youre about to propose with was supposed to be held for me. So, Im gonna need to have that back. (The guy isnt sure.) But, in exchange Im willing to trade you this beautiful, more expensive ring. (Looking at the ring.) Ew.
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Customer: I dont know. (Pause) Let me see the ring.
Chandler: Great! Okay, here. (Holds the ring up for him.)
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Chandler: Yeah, check out the ring. (Shows it to them.)
Joey: Oh its water under the bridge, forget it!
Joey: (holding an empty tissue box) Wheres all the tissues?! (Throws the box down in disgust.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
Chandler: Well, she walked in when I was looking at the ring brochures. You can understand that, right? (Ross and Joey look at each other and go back to watching the game on TV.) Guys? Guys? (Walks in front of them again.)
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
Chandler: You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets!
Monica: Yeah? The work problem?
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Chandler: See uh, thats-thats actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I-I think I know who the other guy is.
[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
Chandler: Whoho ho... Listen to the judgement from the porn star!
(At this moment Rachel bursts through the door. Needless to say, shes not in the best of moods having just found out Rosss dirty little secret.)
Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends todays class, and lets remember, lets be safe out there.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
(They enter the dry cleaners.)
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Monica: Or Spin the Bottle?
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. IWhat? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
Chandler: Okay, you ready for the last picture?
(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
Monica: Well, she saw the ring.
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
The Woman: Im Megan Bailey.
Chandler: Ill be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)
Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?! (She gets out her camera.)
Joey: So, whos the guy?
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
The Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)
Ross: Oh, come on Rach, we will. I promise. We have more interviews (They sit down and Rachel sighs) And worse comes to worse, we can always reconsider the uhm... the first one we met with.
Monica: (following her) Phoebe! I have to have those earrings, we're going to leave as soon as the show is over.
Monica: The good stuff, huh?
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
Rachel: No, I know, but Ihe just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
Brenda: Okay. (Goes over and fluffs up the pillows on the couch.
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
Monica: Great! Well Rachel, the reason why I wont let you drive the Porsche is because youre a terrible driver. There! That wasnt about the wedding.
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, Ill tell you what, if you get ready now Ill let you play it at the wedding.
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
Phoebe: Sure, what.. what was the work thing?
Joey: Oh-oh! So thats the way its gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too yknow!
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Joey: Good evening. Im Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you dont have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet youre about to ruin the happiest day of his life. Im afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Rachel: One more time from the top... I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other br... (She also turns and sees the gang)
[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding present.]
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
Ross: (putting the magazine back and holding the money for it) Okay.
(They all go into the hallway.)
Rachel: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]
Rachel: Oh my god, I left the water running.
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
Rachel: Youre lookin at it upside downyknow what? (Grabs the evaluation and throws it out.) It doesnt matter.
(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!
Chandler: In the James Taylor case.
Chandler: You know, we dont really take advantage of living in the city.
Rachel: Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebes bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebes handbag.)
Ross: (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing it.) Mmmm.
-Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter)
Monica: What?! Youre crazy! Theres nothing sexual about the noises I make!
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.
Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.
Tag: (To her, in the Joey voice) How you doin?
Ross: He couldn't even tell me! He said it was just some sort of skin... abnormality. And the worst thing is he-he-he said, he said, without being able to identify it, he was reluctant to remove it.
Ross: (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster? (They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So, ahh, where were we?
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Rachel: (looking down) Oh-oh!! One hand on the sheet Joe!
[Cut to the interview.]
Paleontologist: (merrily) Ok Geller. Last day of the conference, you know what happens to the keynote speaker.
(The crowd ahhs.)
Joey: Really? Cause I could kinda use the money.
[Cut to the gang.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[Cut to the interview.]
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.]
The Interviewer: A mento
Rachel: No because first they arrest the guy and then they try him.
Chandler: Yknow what, we have to turn off the porn.
[Cut to the interview.]
(Chandler turns on the TV and )