words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang minus Monica is there.]
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
[cut to Monica telling the gang about what happened at Petes]
(Robin interrupts her again by complaining loudly to Billy as the camera cuts to them.)
Billy: Whats the matter?
(The gang is now eaves dropping in on the conversation, and is shocked.)
Robin: Thats the one.
[cut back to the gang.]
[cut to the gang]
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Joey: (to Billy) So youre the gynaecologist?
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
The Guys: Pete?!
Monica: Yeah, but without the costumes.
Chandler: Yeah, its two guys in a ring, and the rules are: Theyre are no rules.
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
Ross: (on phone) Thats right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. (listens) Thank you. (hangs up) (to the gang) Yeah, we have the reservations.
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go! (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: Well, I didnt do anything. I didnt want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
Phoebe: Great! Okay, good for you! (as they leave she slaps Rachel on the butt)
[Scene: A Gym, Pete is training for the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with his trainer, Hoshi.]
Pete: I told you, were adding new operators all the time. Could we concentrate on my training?
Hoshi: All right, on the table. (Pete gets on the table for his rubdown)
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?
Phoebe: Um-hmm. Oh wait! This is Bonnie. (who has hair by the way)
Rachel: Oh no, Im sorry, you look a lot different from the last time I-I saw you.
Rachel: (looks in the window) Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnies the best!
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
Stevens: Im telling you, I need some smacks. I got a kid starting Dartmouth in the fall.
Doug: There you go. (smacks him on the butt)
[Scene: The Ultimate Fighting Championship, Ross and Monica are there watching Pete.]
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
[Pete enters with his entourage all pumped up, and Ross and Monica are the only ones who stand up and cheer.]
(The crowd goes wild, and Ross is the only one boo-ing him.)
Monica: (going up to the ring) Pete! Pete!! That guys pretty huge!
(They both rush each other. Tank picks Pete up and carries him over and slams him into the fence surrounding the ring.)
(Tank carries Pete over to the other side of the ring, and we see both Ross and Monica wince in pain.)
[Scene: The Arena, after the fight. Monica is walking up to a defeated Pete.]
Pete: Well let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion?
Pete: Well Im not gonna stop until Im the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Monica: Yeah. That-that was the problem.
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Monica: Four, please. (Ross looks at her) Im really nervous. (Ross gives her the four dogs) Thank you. (she grabs four buns, and heads back inside)
Phoebe: Yeah, y'know what, there are other fish in the sea.
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Hey, the fights starting!
Joey: (sticking his head out the window) Fights over!
(Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe all stop dead in their tracks at the news.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, Chandler is confronting his boss about the butt smacking thing. His boss is writing on a white board.]
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. (laughs) Thats okay, youre still my number one guy! (slaps him on the butt) Bing!
Chandler: Im a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself.
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass!
Chandler: No, no. It-its not about the swearing, its more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock.
Chandler: Oh, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. Its just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, its making all the other guys jealous.
Doug: Ha! (goes to smack him on the butt, but stops, faking Chandler out) Ahhhhhhh!
Chandler: Ahhhhh! (walks out, imitating shooting himself in the head)
[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are talking and walking.]
Phoebe: Okay. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?
Phoebe: No! No! Look at that! (drags her away from the window) Its a line of ants! Theyre working as a team!
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Phoebe: (looking in the window) Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Lets go.
Rachel: Ohh! (walking away from the window) Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, hes gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
Rachel: I just y'know, I didnt expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh! (sits down on the curb)
Pete: I cant until Im the ultimate fighter. I will do it. Im telling you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman. Now, Im not saying I could beat Superman, but y'know, kids are stupid.
Monica: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!!
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing up a meeting with his boss and the rest of his team.]
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up (points to the chart), so Im happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. (They start to leave) Phil! Nice job. (smacks him on the butt) Stevens! Way to go! (smacks him on the butt) Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! (smacks him on the butt) (Chandler walks up) Bing! Good job, couldnt have done it without ya. (he shakes his hand)
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
Doug: Now get on out of here, you! (smacks him on the butt)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
All: Ohh!! (they all start pointing at the screen)
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
[Scene: A doctors office, Rachel is on an examining table with her legs in the stirrups.]
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
Chandler: (interrupting) All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.
(The intercom buzzes.)
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
(She rolls the dice, but one bounces out of the table.)
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Monica: Yeah. (to Chandler) I bet you cant guess what color my tonsils are? Ill bet the apartment!
The Waiter: Because we can remember them.
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Fine! Fine! (slams the phone down, breaking it) Oh-oh!
Ross: Yknow what? I-Im not even gonna talk about this. Okay? This little thing is over. I know you have a girlfriend! Okay(Ned looks shocked)Yeah! And I know about the other professors! How do you think that makes me feel Ned?! You used me! You dont love me and you never did! (Ross turns around to make a grand exit but runs into two colleagues.) Ah Professor Winston, Professor Fredrickson, Ill be right with you. (To Ned) Dont make this worse and Ill give you a C. (To the professors) Shall we? (They leave.)
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
(The player stands up and smiles. Showing that he has no front teeth.)
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.
Monica: So I did tell you. Okay, y'know, that really isnt the thing. Umm, the thing is that, right now Im just in a place in my life where I need to focus on me. Y'know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Joey: Listen uh, Im really sorry, it looks like Im gonna be stuck here for a while. I got the transmission fluid, but when I went to put it in the car, the transmission wasnt there!
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.)
Joey: Question. Was ah, Egg the Gellers! the war cry of your neighbourhood?
Ross: They gave him a lot of medication, ok? He wouldn't even know if you were there. Look, we'll go see him first thing in the morning, ok?
The Doctor: Thats it.
Phoebe: Oh I know, Ive been there. I remember toward the end
Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think hes gonna enjoy it when hes up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-its not fair to the babies, and y'know what, its not good home economics.
Ross: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. Ill cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gownit's Ross.]
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Chandler: You kidding? Youre the most beautiful woman in most rooms (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whats going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out?
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
Joey: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a seperate person...
Ross: (opening the door to see Mona standing there) Mona? What arehi! What are you doing here? Im, um, supposed to pick you up!
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Monica: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?
Ross: (Answers the phone.) Hello?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting in the living room as Monica enters.]
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
The Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.
Phoebe: (walking up) Whats up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica Im sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Rachel: What am I making him by the way?
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, Ill be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.)
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)