words in movies
Monica: Sweetie, I think the glasses look great. They make you look really sexy.
Chandler: (sitting down on the arm of her chair) You didnt think I used to wear glasses, right?
Monica: Of course! (She mouths, "I have no idea," to the rest of the gang.)
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Phoebe: You mean the chocolate chip cookie recipe?
Phoebe: You mean the one that my grandmother made me swear on her deathbed that I would never let out of our family?
Chandler: Dying people say the craziest things.
Monica: Okay. Im gonna be the mom that makes the worlds best chocolate chip cookies.
Chandler: Hey! Hows the boat?!
Monica: Oh, so you finally took it out of the marina huh?
Joey: Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are there. He takes off his glasses and starts chewing on the ear piece.]
Ross: (entering from the bathrooms) Hey Chandler, what are you doing tonight?
Ross: Or you can sit with him on the front porch and make sure no one steals the trash cans. He does that every week too.
Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up!
Monica: No!! Why didnt you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because Im normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Phoebe: See no-no, I made a batch and I froze it, and this is the only one left.
Monica: No! Wait! I think I can figure out the recipe from this cookie! I do stuff like this at work all the time.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
Joey: What are they doing out here? The coasts all the way over there. (Points to the coast, meanwhile there is coast behind him.)
Rachel: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? Were not finished with the lesson yet.
Rachel: Okay, Im just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Rachel: Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up?
Rachel: Okay, you just go on and make your little jokey-jokes, but if you do not know what you are doing out at sea you will die at sea. Am I getting through to you sailor?! (She punctuates each word by slapping him on the forehead.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Phoebe are trying to determine the cookie recipe by eating small pieces.]
Monica: You dont? (Laughs) Well, thats the difference between a professional and a layman.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Ross: Well I had a great time! Umm, Chancy on the other hand
Chandler: I will tell the story! It was going great. I let him win. We were bonding. He even said I could call him dad.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
[Cut to the flashback, Chandlers no longer doing the voice-over.]
Ross: Over here. (You can see Ross sitting at the far wall.)
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Ross: Cause otherwise theyd have to call it the room room.
Ross: Oh, but he will. He still tells the story how Monica tried to escape from fat camp.
Ross: Then how did you get caught in the barbed wire?
(The phone rings.)
Chandler: If that is your father calling to tell this story then the marriage is off!
Monica: (takes the phone from Ross) Come on. (Answering phone) Hello? (Listens) Im sorry you have the wrong number. (Listens) (Whispering) Okay, Ill call you later dad. I love you. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Look, I figured I would try to convince him not to tell the story anymore, and I figure the best way to do that is face to faceAnd by face I dont mean his lap. And by face, I dont mean my ass. (Exits.)
Rachel: Well hello! So, when are we gettin back out on the water matey?
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Joey: Because! Youre mean on the boat!
Ross: You have to respect the sea! (Storms off.)
Rachel: Look Joey, Im sorry if-if you thought that was mean, but I gotta tell ya something. That was not mean. Okay, my father is mean. He used to yell at me all the time on the boat, I mean it was horrible. I was just being a good teacher.
Joey: Does a good teacher say, "Put down the beer pinhead!?"
Rachel: Yeah, I didnt want you to get hit by the boom!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is trying out different cookie recipes. Ross and Phoebe are the tasting group.]
Monica: Okay. Man, I have not made this many cookies since I was in the ninth grade.
Monica: The ones we had right after you almost threw up.
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Ross: Yeah, ooh yeah, I think there is one from batch 17 left, uh (Grabs a cookie and takes a big bite out of it and doesnt like it.) Its batch 16! 16 people! Get out of the way! (Gets up and runs for the bathroom.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Okay Joey honey, youre doing really good! All right, now Im just gonna need you to step to the port side. (Joey pauses as he tries to remember which side is the port side.) Remember? Remember how we talked about the port side?
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Rachel: (yelling) Just sit over there!! (Points to the port side.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: Okay Joey, were luffing a little bit, so could you tighten up the cunningham? (The mainsail has started to flap in the wind and has stopped working efficiently; she wants him to tighten it so that it starts working again.)
Joey: Oh, yknow, when we did that was when that bird was flying overhead with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross!
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the cookie trying period has pasted. Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are reflecting on the days events.]
Monica: Well, Ive tried everything. I give up. I guess Im not gonna be the mom who makes the worlds best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Ross: Aww, Pheeb, come on isnt there any relative that would have the recipe? What about, what about your sister?
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Ross: Thats the day youre gonna die? Seedarnit, Ive got shuffleboard that day.
Monica: Well, I mean what about friends of your grandmothers? Wouldnt they have the recipe?
Phoebe: Well, yknow I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
Monica: (grabbing a bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips) Phoebe, is this the recipe? (Tosses her the bag.)
Phoebe: (reading the recipe on the back of the bag) Yes!! (Realizes.) Ohh.
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
[Scene: The Gym, Chandler and Mr. Geller are heading for the whirlpool room.]
(Chandler nods along and they enter the whirlpool room and remove their robes. Only Chandler is lacking a certain item of clothing. You see this is a coed whirlpool, which means swimsuits, and in fact there are two women already there and Chandler didnt seem to wear his. Needless to say, everyone is shocked, including Chandler.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, is tied up alongside the pier; Joey and Rachel are relaxing.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Rachel: Oh wow! (She takes a bite, but holds the sandwich vertically so that the stuff falls out.)
Joey: What youdont hold it like that! Youre lettin all the good stuff fall out.
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Ken: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to the New York City Ballet".
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, The One With George Stephanopoulos, Phoebe is showing Monica and Rachel that she brought Operation to their slumber party.]
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
(Monica goes to the door.� Chandler slides behind it as she opens it slightly.)
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why dont you put down your copy of The Rules huh mantrap?!
Kathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?
Joey: And Ill have all the muffins.
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Rachel: (taking the brush back) Okay. Lets use this brush. (Hands him another one.)
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Chandler: Look, Joey, Kathy is clearly not fulfilling your emotional needs. But Casey, I mean granted I only saw the back of her head, but I got this sense that shes-shes smart, and funny, and gets you.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Phoebe: What?! Oh my... (sees the remains of the house) Oh my God!! What happened?!
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.
Chandler: The agency must have made some mistake. My wife is not a reverend and I'm not a doctor.
Rachel: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?!
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
Mr Zelner: Well, I guess having Rachel back wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Rachel: Y�guys ever heard the story about when Rosses mom went to the beauty salon?
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
Monica: All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one.
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Rachel: (she enters wearing a bath-robe) Hey... Hi you guys! Listen, you know what? I'm not feeling really well. I think I can't get out for the play.
Rachel: Wh Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldnt stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin together?
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Joey: Theres a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)
Joey: Oh-ooh, thats the turn-on.
Chandler and Joey: Awwwww!! (They lean back all the way.) Awwwwwww!!!
RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Amanda: Hello Monica. It’s Amanda calling again. I am in the neighborhood hoping I can pop by your flat!
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Charlie: And then, and then you said that thing about, about bringing the Mesozoic era in the 21st century.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
Joey: Hey! Dont you hang up on me! Ill marry you and me right now! I have the power!
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Joanna: Uh-oh, tunnel. (The phone gets cut off)
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
Ross: (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, cant blame a guy for trying!
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
Ross: (to the rest of the gang) Were just gonna be friends.
Paul: So Lizzie, are-are-are you planning on staying the night?
[Scene: The beach house, its still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle, Rachel is doing Monicas nails, and theyre all drinking margaritas, obviously bored.]
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
The Director: Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is approaching the bathroom door behind which Chandler is using the facility.]
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Monica and Ross: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (Ross runs to be caught by Monica, but she moves out of the way)
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Chandler: no I'm not quite sure you got the right movie that's all.
Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Monica: Pass the cheese, please.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, he and Emily are getting ready to go to the airport.]
Chandler: Hey Joe! How's the second draft of the letter coming?
Phoebe: Yeah thats right Chandler does still think Im pregnant. He hasnt asked me how Im feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Chandler: (asking a man leaning against the wall) What is going on?
RACHEL: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know the first thing about the stock market.
Chandler: Yes, yes, we had the sex.
Monica: Hey-hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, thats right, the keyboards, huh?
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
Monica: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...
Phoebe: No offence but, yknow sometimes its hard to understand you, yknow with the accent, so
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is trying to close the door on Ross.]
Rachel: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
Chandler: Okay, here is the phone bill. (Hands it to Joey.)
Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips)
Joey: (annoyed) I dont know! (Goes back to looking through the pipe.) (Pause) Yeah, I do.
Rachel: (handing him the letter) Its just some things Ive been thinking about. Some things about us, and before we can even think about the two of us getting back together, I just need to know how you feel about this stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is looking around the shop as Phoebe returns from getting some more coffee.]
Rachel: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didnt have to walk me all the way back up here.
Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebes work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]
Ross: Yeah well, if ah, if thats the rule this weekend... (She gets up) No!
Rachel: You need that, you need that too cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Ross: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt....
Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?
Alice: Phoebes right Frank. I know its hard to hear, but it wouldve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is?
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Rachel: I dont care about the little dude! I cant! I cannot listen to anymore of this! Yknow, the only person who would want to listen to this is a mental health professional! And then its only because they get paid $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I couldve made listening to you? $2,000! And do you know when I figured that out? While you were talking!
ROSS: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through the door.
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!