words in movies
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance around with me.
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
The Guys: Yeah!
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent.
Rachel: Ohh, you're so sweet! (She kicks Katie in the shin.)
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to discuss the rest of you guys.
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Phoebe: Okay, well Ill bring them by tomorrow morning. Okay, and uh, by the way, theyre not actually puppies, theyre Frank and Alices triplets. Okay, see ya! (Exits.)
Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, its only because I think youre so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because Iyoure the most talented chef Ive ever worked for. Anyway (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Rachel: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesnt stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel wont stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner.]
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but theres a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
Tour Guide: Maybe its crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but now (Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! Its me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my puddin which you man! I gave you my Snack Pack! (to Joey) See, he pretend he dont even here me!
Joey: Whats the matter, Pheebs?
Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up)
Frank: (noticing the puppy) Oh, whos this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. Rachel is entering the living room from her bedroom as Monica enters.]
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didnt come up with the answer.)
Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I cant use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, whats my next present?!
Joey: Home sweet home, huh? Nice to, uh, get back to reality. Plus we know how the New Years gonna go off. I guess theres no reason for all that Y2K panic, yknow? Anyway, gnight!
All: Yeah! Yes! (They all right into the living room, all excited.)
Joey: Oh, hey listen! The Soapies called today and I also get to present an award.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
[Pete enters with his entourage all pumped up, and Ross and Monica are the only ones who stand up and cheer.]
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Monica: Ohh Oh, thats okay I hate when people come back to complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So whats up?
Donny: ...should be playing with the star of "General Hospital" Leslie Charleson. (applause) Welcome everybody. Good luck to all of you. Let's play Pyramid. All right? Now... we flipped a coin before the show, Gene, you won the toss, so you're gonna start. Which category would you like?
Carol: (answering the door) Hi!
Ross: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! (She starts the car.) Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! (He looks for the twenty Rachel stole and doesnt find it.)
[knock at the door]
Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
Phoebe: Wow, that's great! I liked that better than the law thing, so...
Ross: Ooh. What is the name of Chandlers fathers Las Vegas all-male burlesque?
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
(Monicas entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
Phoebe: (Removing one of the strips) Ow-ow-ow-ow! Oh my God!!!
Emily: Ohh, I dont think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future and-and-and we were getting married or something.
Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) Ill guard the door!
Rachel: Well, yeah, yknow how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Rachel: has your girlfriend got the butt?
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
(Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.)
[Scene: The Set, Joey, Janine, Ross and Monica are walking in.]
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Chandler: (shocked) Well I mean, let me get the door first. (Goes and opens the door.) Oh, hi! No one. (Exits.)
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What?
Rachel: How was the beach?
Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
Jason: Ahh-ahh, we'd better call the fire department!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.]
(Ross flips the coin again.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Everybody's sitting on the couch and Monica is eating a chunk of cake.]
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y(Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
Monica: Oh, and by the way, hes lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler.
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Phoebe: (To Ross) For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Ross: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Monica: Chasing him all around the room?
Phoebe: Okay. All right you yellow-bellied-lilly-livered-DRAW!! (they both kick up the foot rests like an old fashioned gun fight.)
Rachel: Its good. Except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages? (to the waitress handing her a cup of coffee) Oh, thank you. Ill see you guys later.
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and were down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]
Chandler: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
Monica: Youre wrong! The centerpieces are fine! Do you ever get scared at all?
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Rachel: (coming from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs?
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and its way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: So whats the final head count on my baby shower?