words in movies
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance around with me.
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Frank Sr.: Oh! What about, what about the girls?
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Rachel: She has the drugs!
Chandler: The whole thing! Can we go?
Ross: Monica, what is the matter with you?
Rachel: Ross, whats the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby?
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Chandler: No. We were in the middle of sex and you fell asleep.
Phoebe: Is Rachel having the baby?
[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Rachel: (deadpan) Yes, the hard part is truly over.
Elizabeth: Do you know where the store is?
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Lets hear their plan! Now, whats the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
[Scene: Ms. Geller, Rachel and Ross storm into the apartment.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
[Scene: Chandlers office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Phoebe: Hey! Ive got a great idea for party favors for the shower. Okay, we get some uh mahogany boxes and carve everyones names in them and inside is everyones individual birth stone.
Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler.
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Monica: Hey. (Sits down on the arm of the couch.)
Monica: Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?
The Interviewer: We can go into detail
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
(With a final swing the door gives way.)
Ross: Wow! Sorry. So uh, how are the new people?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
The Cooking Teacher: (To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monicas station! (She tries Monicas fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! Youve never made this before?
Rachel: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. (Puts her hand in the pocket) Here are your keys, hon. (She takes the keys out, sets them on the counter, and notices she also grabbed a receipt.)
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Phoebe: No, you cant let this stop you from getting massages! No look, I have, I have lots of clients that make the same noises you do!
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Phoebe: Oh no, Bonnies the best!
Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Monica: Ross! The neighbors ate all my candy!!
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldnt eat meat until she has the babies!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
(The next couple enters.)
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him)
Joey: (standing behind her) Uh, you gotta press the button. (Does so.)
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Rachel: Hey, hows hows the uh, miracle chair?
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!
Rachel: And Im Rachel, an admirer of the building.
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
(He hands Joey the bag and he quickly counts its contents.)
Rachel: Oh for the love of God!
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Cliff: Are all the questions this personal?
Joey: (checking the list) Yes.
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
Joey: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Nurse: (calling to the woman) This rooms available.
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.
Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.
Janice: Oh. Well then shut me up. (Does the laugh.)
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are on the couch as a man enters.]
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Chandler: Not the disposable cameras from the tables.
Ross: No! No!! No! Can I speak to someone in charge please?! (The librarian brings his boss over.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're in the kitchen as Rachel enters.]
Ross: Im, Im sorry you didnt get to go to Spacecamp, and Im hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttles Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: In the death seat?!!
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emilys hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Phoebe: Im just helping the kids!