words in movies
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um...(starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance around with me.
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
(They look at each other. We switch back to Monica. Chandler opens the door and she turns to look at him.)
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Joey: (smiles then stops) Now I cant believe it! What? Rachels pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Whos the father?
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Rachel: ... the WENUS?
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, yknow what, lets look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)
Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?
Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand you were doing this.
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Monica: This is the most special day of our lives.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the ring he bought and not liking it.]
Monica: (still talking to the woman) All right, Ill do it just this once! But you cant tell anybody!
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
RACHEL: That's not the end.
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Phoebe: Would you stop that! Do you wanna know the first thing she said when she came back from her lunch with Richard? She didn't feel anything for him. She loves you!
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Chandler: (singing) The sunll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow (The girls start laughing, and in a deep voice) therell be sun.
Phoebe: (sees the table) Ooh, what a great table! Where-where did you get it?
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Phoebe: Oh he knows! (Quietly) For the most part.
(Cut to the hall. Owen is wearing his scout-uniform and is looking through a box when Chandler walks up to him.)
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joeys door.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are trying the home remedies again.]
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel whos still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Rachel: (takes off her robe) Oh! Look what happened! {Don't get your hopes up guys, we only get to see her from the back or from the neck up. Its times like these I wish that the networks would broadcast some nudity other than Denis Franz's butt.} (In her head.) Huh, check me out! I'm in my kitchen naked! I'm picking up an orange. (Does so) I'm naked! (Goes into the living room) Lighting the candles, naked, and carefully. (She backs anything that might have a point like a candle on her body away.)
Joey: What's the matter with Rog?
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the yknow, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether yknow, they were the right way to go.
Phoebe: Ohh, no. (Pause) Oh okay, so you're a cop which means you can park anywhere, 'cause I know that 'cause I'm a cop too. So, all right, keep up the good work. 10-4. (Tries to leave.)
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers?
Emily: (checks the clock) Ohh, its time to go.
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Rachel: Okay, Im just gonna go over the basic points just one more time, are you ready?
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
Sarah: (approaching with two filled balloons in her hands) Nobody! We put them in here! (Indicates the aforementioned balloons causing both of them to scream in delight and start drinking from the balloons.)
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
Chandler: I know. *He* always wanted to be the first black man to cross the Atlantic.
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Phoebe: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
Monica: No, give me the...
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Rachel: (she's sad) Ow. I don't want him to wake up alone! I should go to the hospital!
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
(The oven goes off.)
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
Rachel: When certain people leave the table and I am not finished!
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Laura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Phoebe: Oh. (She starts laughing. Then she throws the badge at him and runs away.)
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Rachel: Joey? Could you get that? (There is no answer and she goes and opens the door to Joey.) What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Joey: It's like the cheapest college ever.
Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) Im sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....
JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
Chandler: Well, thats the best kiss Ive had with anyone Ive ever met in a mens room.
Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.
[Time lapse, they have set up a little assembly line for diaper changes. Phoebe wipes, Chandler adds the powder, begrudgingly, and Monica puts the diaper on.]
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Phoebe: Well, maybe he wouldnt be she didnt bring the office home every night!
Rachel: Yeah, you know, was I looking forward to going to Paris? Sure. You know, was I excited about working in the fashion capital of the world? Ooh, absolutely... Oh...! Yeah, but you know, this is... it's fine. I'm fine going back to a job where I've pretty much gotten everything out of that I possibly can... (she sits down, and Ross who is stunned to hear all this follows her example)
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Chandler: (Tries to hug Joey but J. moves away) What's the matter Joe?