words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.]
Cheryl: So, thank you for the delicious dinner.
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?
Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that?
Ross: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era.
Chandler: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way.
Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not?
Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving!
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Kathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment?
Chandler: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. (Kathy goes into the bathroom.) Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh...
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Cheryl: (throwing food around the room) Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi!
Cheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.
Monica: Oh, is everything in the car?
Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill?
[cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.]
Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen.
Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of...
Monica: Just the matter of ...payment?
Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!
Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...
[Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.]
Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?
Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!"
Phoebe: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill.
[cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.]
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) ...emblem of the land I love. The home of....
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!
Chandler: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit.
Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
Joey: Our place, the hall! I...
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
[Scene: In the living room at the funeral]
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: You didn't get the money, did you?
Phoebe: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! (Phoebe goes into the living room.) Hey, widow?
Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) ...the lullabye of...
Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.)
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.)
[They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.]
Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch alone working on a crossword puzzle. Gunther is there, going into the back room.]
[From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.]
[Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.]
Rachel: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me!
[Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly]
Rachel: Thank you! Hey, how'd the catering go?
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!
Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?
Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too.
Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho!
Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow.
Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside).
Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift.
Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.
Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.
Chandler: Uh, the book?
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Chandler: (tongue-tied) Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, "Uhl, ell."
[Cheryl shrugs, shuts the door, looking puzzled]
[Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]
PHOEBE: All right. (She takes the phone from Rachel.)� Hello?� Hi.� I'm sorry about her, but she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
Joey: (entering) No! No! No! No! No! How you doin?! How you doinDamnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! (Goes into the hall.)
Chandler: Alright, lo�look. I don�t smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it�s fine. (everyone lights up) So you all smoke then? That�s almost rude, that I�m not.
Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking?
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
[Time lapse, Ross is still doing Chandler's game. Tag is heading for the balcony.]
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
Josh: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.
Ross: Whats up with the greed Joe?
Joey: (hes just picked up their bill) Hey! So, whats with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
Ross: Well, technically it seven billion years ago (Well, technically youd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)
Ross: Yeah? All right I'll call the airlines. (Picks up the phone and does so)
Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. The Mets suck, ok? You wanna see the Yankees.
Phoebe: (reading from the instructions) After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one,
Rachel: Phoebe, the place has emptied because of him.
Joey: Are you kidding me?! I love Archie! And the whole gang!
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Rachel: What? Im not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing.
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Ross: Okay, its second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
(Ross makes an "I was right, and you werent face." And Rachel does Rosss little Im-flicking-you-off-but-Im-not-giving-you-the-finger banging of the fists.)
Rachel: (seeing the collection of characters.) Wow! It looks like the Easter Bunnys funeral in here.
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the middle of the night, there is someone knocking on the door and Monica and Chandler get up to answer it.]
Rachel: (laughs) Yknow when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monicas seat.)
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Alice: (laughs) No. No. No. (Sits down.) Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR.
The Saleswoman: Did you cut this couch in half?
Chandler: Oh hey, how'd the interview go?
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Phoebe: (singing) ...fuchsia and mauvvve. Those are the 66 colours of my bedroommmm. (applause) Thank you, thank you. Ohh, and I invite you to count the colours in your bedroom. (Sees that Phoebe Sr. has entered, and to her) Except for you. You go away.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at the counter waiting for Gunther, yep Gunthers back, to refill her coffee.]
The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)
Elizabeth: No, let's just leave the lights on.
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. Y'know, from-from the walk.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?
Monica: Who the hell are you?!
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Monica: The only problem!
Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?!
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
Ross: Y'know, hey! Youre the one who ended it, remember?
(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)
Chandler: So, shouldnt we go give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
Rachel: No you guys (She walks out into the hallway.)
The Potential Roommate: Oh dont worry, Im not really a party girl.
The Flight Attendant: (To Ross) Hope you had a nice flight.
Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldnt wait. I left the lid up for ya though.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)
Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me?
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Rachel: I lied! And I'm not sick! Just stay behind the curtain!
Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape.
Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Rachel: (coming out of her bedroom with a necklace) Here it is! I love it. I wear it all the time.
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
The Instructor: Thanks.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. Youre really not going?
The Instructor: What?!
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
The Saleslady: Were closing.
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.]
Ross: (glaring at Joey) This would be the place where you explain the hat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? Im gonna check my messages.
Monica: Youre on the phone!
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
Monica: Oh, honey!I can't. I was just telling these guys that things are crazy at the restaurant!
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Mr. Treeger: What in the name of hell?