words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
RACH: So, how was the party?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
[The waiter comes to the table.]
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didnt actually sleep with the guy?
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But thats all right, heres the number you can call.
Rachel: Not unless different means the same.
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Check out the ring.
Mr. Heckles: Well, Im going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.]
[Scene: Rachels Office, shes at her desk while the mailman delivers her mail and calls Tag in.]
The Dry Cleaner: I did.
[Scene: The Womens Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of Rachels second test.]
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
The Woman: I own this store.
Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.
The Museum Official: Yes. Were very popular. Theres a two-year waiting list. Sorry! (She kinda storms out with the couple.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe, who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]
Joey: After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy on the same night she has plans with me? I think shes trying to pull a fast one on Big Daddy!
(Monica enters from the bedroom.)
Kim: Kenny the copyboy.
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Chandler: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?
[Scene: The Doctors office, Phoebe is giving a pep talk to the petrie dish containing the embryos.]
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: The allergy guy got the part! Thanks!
[Scene: A Cabin in the Woods, Elizabeth is giving Ross a tour.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Gesturing.) Stop looking in here!
Phoebe: Well, maybe you wouldnt have had you (turns to the attendant) run in the chapel!
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
[Scene: the hotel game room. Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
Megan: Oh, youre so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass.
Chandler: Okay, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Chandler: Look, Im telling you this is just like my parents divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?
Monica: Oh! Oh my God! That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!
Chandler: But, I never left the room!
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.]
Joey: I mean, the jobs easy and the moneys good, you know? I guess Im going to be hanging out here anyway. I might as well get paid for it, right? I just feel kind of weird serving you guys.
Ross: (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way.
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, Rachel is at the counter as Jill enters.]
Ross: (going up to Rachels closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesnt see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesnt find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)
Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but thats gonna cost extra. Okay, heres the extras, handcuffs, spanking (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here!
Rachel: How is you drinking helping the kids?
Sarah: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He says hes gonna double the college money my Grandma left me.
Mr. Geller: Well, I dont know whats in the boxes down here, but I do know there are six or seven Easy Bake Ovens in the attic.
Chandler: No, the doctors say it may kill her.
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship!!
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]
(Joey does the 232 divided by 13 bad news look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is kneeling at the coffee table and has a bunch of pictures laid out in front of her as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Rachel: Yeah honey, Im standing right there! Why didnt you just tell him about the mole I havent got checked yet.
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)
Ticket Agent: Im sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two.
Phoebe: How are you? (The woman nods) Good. (She goes over to another couple of women.) Hi, thanks for coming.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!
Ross: Okay, go left. Left! Left! (The bottom of the couch is hitting the railing.)
Ross: (whines) Oh thats great! I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo
[Scene: Phoebes cab, its the same arrangement as before.]
Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why Im a terrible waitress? Because, I dont care. I dont care. I dont care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I dont care where the tray spot is, I just dont care, this is not what I want to do. So I dont think I should do it anymore. Im gonna give you my weeks notice.
[The next flashback is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage of him.]
Joey: No! No, Im the minister! All right, look-look, put em both on the phone, Ill marry them right now.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Brenda is sweeping and Monica is sitting at the kitchen table.]
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey approaches.]
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]
Ross: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (looks at Joey.)
Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, shes more..(shakes his shoulders, like hes dancing) y'know, and youre more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is saying good-bye to her boyfriend Jake at the door to Central Perk.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa, whats the matter?! Talk to the captain!
Ross: Fine, she can stay at my place. By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now.
SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Rachel: (to the woman) Alimony. (Runs outside.)
ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Joey: Where the hell have you been?!
Rachel: Oh, its just not the right time.
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
(At the same time.)
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didnt feel like getting up. Okay, Im gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And youre going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.