words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
RACH: So, how was the party?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
[The waiter comes to the table.]
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
Phoebe: Then thats not breaking the law! Im there!
Joey: Oh, well no problem there. (He picks up the chick, hugs it really tight, and talks to it like its a little baby.)
(He carries her into the hall.)
Phoebe: You guys make a very attractive couple. (The camera cuts to a shot of the picture and we see that Monica is posing with Joey instead of Chandler.)
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is awoken by the singing guy.]
Monica: (notices something in the window) Oh wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Joey: Well, I didnt realize until I got home. I wasnt gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Yknow what? Im gonna go find that guys car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)
Ross: The guy who took Rachel to the prom? Why is he calling you?
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! Thats the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandlers knees. Chandlers ankles. Chandlers ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, youre all set.
Phoebe: Ooh, great! Just the reaction I was hoping for.
The Museum Official: (on machine) I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
<Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table>
Dr. Long: taking a long walk, and then theres the one thats proved most effective: sex.
Monica: Im Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when youre too big for it.
Chandler: The tall girl who wouldn't sleep with you?
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Colleen: I'll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
Rachel: All right, all right, you're right, I won't do anything with Joey, I just thought that we (Joey enters the hall) Ok so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion? (Joey enters his apartment)
Dr. Roger: Im sorry sweetie, its the hospital. The food looks great, maybe save me some?
Chandler: (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
Phoebe: Well the doctor says it takes a couple days, but my bodys always been a little faster than Western medicine.
Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.)
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Chandler: Sure, why dont you set it up. Ill just be over here, browsing through the personals.
Joey: Well, so, stay for the museums!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Chandler: I did! But the store wouldnt take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out?
Chandler: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.
Rachel: (starts crying and speaking at the same time, making it almost impossible to understand what she's saying) I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you...
Joey: But he's the same.
(Monica puts the groceries down and goes to check the answering machine and hears.)
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
Joey: He's the same!
Joey: But he's the same.
Joey: (to the new Hugsy) You're not the same!
(Someone knocks on the door)
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Phoebe: So how's the piano playing going?
Phoebe: That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, Im not saying shes like evil or anything. She just, you know, shes always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldnt let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
The Girls: No!! (The woman backs out.)
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
Monica: (running back into the room) Kiss him, you fool!!
(Monica is getting up from the couch)
Manny: What's with the kissing?
Mark: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far?
Monica: You didn't hear the speech!
Rachel: Im so glad, Im so glad you shared. (Feeling his shoulder.) And Im glad that youre done. What do you say we umm (Nods in the direction of the bedroom.)
Manny: (looking at the sofa) Where did they go?
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
(someone knocks on the door)
Phoebe: (answering the phone) Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Ross: You can't go, I mean you're the glue that holds this group together!
(Chandlers opens the door. A beautiful woman stands at the doorway.)
[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.]
Ross: Whats the matter? You okay?
Phoebe: Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.
Joey: Oh well, the powerball lottery is upto 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so...
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
The Fan: Wow! Wow, thanks a lot! I just wanna say, I think youre really talented.
Phoebe: You don't wanna win the lottery?
Ross: The woman just vanished!
Sarah: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and seventy-five.
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
913 - The One Where Monica Sings
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
Monica: God! Look at all these tickets! It's so exciting! You know I haven't won anything since the sixth grade.
(Suddenly Ross comes running into the apartment)
[Scene: Joey and wait just Joeys. Joey is sitting at the counter eating a pizza.]
(The assistant leaves and Ross goes back in the spray-on tan booth and turns his back to the spray nozzles, facing the back wall)
[Scene: The fire escape, Joey is now hanging off of the bottom rung of the ladder that wont move and Ross is watching from above.]
(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)
Joey: It's okay, it's okay Rach, it's me. Put down the scrunchy.
Phoebe: Im just saying, get his number just in case. But no Chandler is in an accident and cant perform sexually and he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.
(they break the wishbone)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Chandler: Well you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
Mike: Oh, err... no, she's not here yet. You know, I think I'm just gonna take off and break up with her over the phone...
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left Philange.
Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral...
[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]
Chandler: He's the boss's son.