words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
RACH: So, how was the party?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
[The waiter comes to the table.]
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.] CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday. MNCA: Why not? CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day. MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop. CHAN: OK, stop. MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo. [Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hey Rach. RACH: Ahhhh. ROSS: Oh. And how was the date? RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . . [Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure. [Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.] ROSS: Try the bottom one. [She opens the door and they kiss.] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.] CLOSING CREDITS CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over. MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'. CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret. MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What? CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have. MNCA: Well, thanks. CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work. MNCA: Well, you know. CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed. MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh. CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on. MNCA: Well no, but um. CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all. MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . . CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run? MNCA: Alright. CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here. MNCA: OK. Just for a little while. CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! Youre-youre-youre the guy that doesnt know how to pour milk!!
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like(Listens)Thank you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..
Monica: Because I know that you think the lottery is "boohaki" but we're all here and gonna watch the numbers and have fun. And you're my brother, and I want you to be a part of this.
Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.)
Joey: That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) Im very safety conscious.
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something....
Larry: I'll check the kitchen floors.
Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.
Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.
Ross: Hey Joe, while youre over there how about another beer for the Ross-A-Tron?
Phoebe: I know! (Phoebe picks up a little packet of sugar, shakes it, and then realises she can't open it with one hand, but doesn't want to let go of Mike's hand. She tries to tear open the packet with one hand.)
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
(Her side of the tree looks a complete mess)
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Joey: Thats horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
Rachel: (she's finished reliving the fridge of its entire alcohol content.) Macadamia nut?
Monica: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left!
Monica: Wait a minute, I can get ice at the restaurant
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Ross: (looks like in heaven) Lighter than air... (changes back to serious) But that's not the point. (Joey now also enters)
Rachel: Well, she-she ob-obviously saw the tire tracks that were leading up to the closed garage.
Chandler: I didnt mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Ross: Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know Ill help you out.
Phoebe: No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired to do, and well call that pulling a Monica.
Monica: God! If youre gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Monica: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime thats the same.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Chandler: First of the month.
Rachel: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) Ok.
Guy All the Way in the Back: Yeah, I heard it.
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we cant even be in the same room with each other?!
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Rachel: Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories (stops and tries to change directions) about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Now wait a minute. You just took all the words!
Monica: I dont know. I guess the other people just dont care enough.
Rachel: I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.
Kim: Nancy and I were talking about the fall collection.
Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she?
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Monica: He had to go, theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Joey: (jumps out of the box) I Gotcha!!
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
Chandler: Thanks. (He grabs the sandwich.)
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
(They break the embrace.)
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Chandler: Okay. (He picks the 9 of Spades)
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Chandler: Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him!
Doctor: Oh my. Were gonna need to take you straight to the delivery room.
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Rachel: Monica, you dont even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!
Rachel: Yeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our first yknow roommate bonding thing.
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Rachel: Oh yeah, scared the hell out of me. I thought wed lost you forever. Pheebs, you lie down?
(They storm out into the street.)
Rachel: Maybe its not as bad as I think. Yknow, maybe they didnt take it the way I meant it.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Monica: I know! Hey, you havent been practising the routine, have you?
Ross: All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah. Years and years ago, there were these people called the Maccabees.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Rachel: (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunthers face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?
Ross: Before the snap!
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Ross: Okay, okay, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.
Caitlin: I'm gonna try. (Walks away and Ross closes the door.)
Rachel: Well, let�s see. The first one is: I don�t want to. And, you know, I�m not going.
Joey: (Looking around the room.) It is???