words in movies
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.)
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet.]
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.
Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.
Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to climb over the furniture)
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Monica: Are these the shoes?
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.]
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
[Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured.]
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the most?
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... hearing disability.
Mr. Geller: What's the score?
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.]
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Rachel: (gets up from the sofa and moves to the kitchen but Joey blocks her way) Oh, sorry... Oops, sorry.
Joey: Ooh, sorry! No-no-no, so close though, butbye-bye! (He ushers her out the door.)
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Chandler: Here you go. (Shows her the number again.)
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Im tellingIf you put that in her apartment youll never hear the end of it.
(Rachel approaches and we see the fruits of Ross's evil plan. He has drawn a moustache and beard on Rachel. The flight attendant just ignores it.)
[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.]
[Phoebe puts the car in gear and starts to back out.]
Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monicas note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Monica: No, those first two windows, (Points) that's the lobby. And y'know the other one over there, that's the stairway. You've been counting wrong.
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.)
Ross: Man, look at all those stars! (Yeah, you can see what? Five of them from the city?) Infinite space. It really, really makes you wonder, doesnt it?
Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."
Rachel: (crying) No, it's not that. I got fired today. And I didn't get the other job.
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Chandler: Will power? I�ve watch home movies of you eating ding-dongs (?) without taking the tin foil off.
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. Im so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Ross: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, by the by, did it uh, did it ever occur to you that, I dont know, maybe they might be having a little too much fun?
(The duck quacks.)
DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah but I am not sure about some of the bra's I got.
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
(They go to the food table.)
Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself Im partial to
Chandler: Youre coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) Im Chandler.
(Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.)
Phoebe: No, no, thats the ghost for the attic.
Ross: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal.
Joey: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?
Ross: How weird is that? Yknow? Youre moving in with me and have the one thing I dont have. Its like uh, in a way you-you complete me (Phoebe glares at him) kitchen.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Ross: Yep! I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here to complain about the rain and ruin my career!
Joey: Its the Knicks!
(she just walks straight into the bathroom)
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
[Scene: Rosss Building, they are approaching the apartment of the woman who died. Ross knocks on the door and a woman answers it.]
Bonnie: You guys, the waters great. You should really go in.
Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
CHANDLER: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want to do it in an elevator?'
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang minus Monica is there.]
(They go out to the elevators.)
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Chandler: (starts to laugh, but then gets serious) So umm, you-you flirt with guys all the time?
Rachel: Oh great, the pacifiers?
Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid youre gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Janine: Well I did. I really did. And you guys, Ive got to say, Im sorry if I was a little weird after the last time we went out. I guess I was just nervous or something.
Gavin: I wasn't checking her out. I'm in fashion, I was looking at her skirt. Or was it pants? I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. [grabs Joey's sadwich and throws it out the window]
Phoebe: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
The Interviewer: (returning) Oh wait! I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this. Other than Days of Our Lives, whats your favorite soap opera?
Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
Rachel: Yeah. (Stops and starts doing the I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom dance.)
CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
The Salesman: Really? You two?
The Smoking Woman: What?!
The Smoking Woman: Yes?
(Rachel pushes on the couch and pushes Ross out the door.)
The Smoking Woman: Who are you talking too?
Chandler: But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting, aint that funny? Irony? Not a fan, alright (he sits down). See, heres the thing. I went home and told my wife about Tulsa and she wont go. See, me, I love Tulsa! Tulsa is heaven! Tulsa is ItalyPlease dont make me go there!
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebes triumph.
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
The Potential Roommate: Hi!
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game?
Chandler: Sorry, I just dont like the idea of when I say, "I do," hes thinking, "Yeah, Id do her too!"
Phoebe: Thats the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?
Monica: What was the dream about?
Chandler: (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?
Chandler: (entering) You guys ready fore the movies?
(Phoebe walks to the door and half-opens it)
Phoebe: Oh, its already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Rachel: I don't know why Joey had to kiss her! I mean, of all the girls at the party, GOD!
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
Doug: Ha! (goes to smack him on the butt, but stops, faking Chandler out) Ahhhhhhh!
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. (previously scared Rachel turns away) No, no wait, no-no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird�s aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues as an act of aggression and grabs the baby on its talon. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still up lays (?) are locked in a death grip, swirling around the whirl pool, that fills the apartment.
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?