words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas. (Thats true in so many ways, trust me, Ive lived in one and been to the other.)
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
[Cut to the girls in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (counting the place settings) How come we have one extra place setting?
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Phoebe: (Phoebe hangs up and someone knocks on the door. She gasps.) They're here already? How are they doing this?
Rachel: (gets up and opens the door) Hi Tag! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
[The dog barks.]
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
[Time lapse, Ross is still doing Chandler's game. Tag is heading for the balcony.]
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Cut to the balcony, Tag is looking down while Rachel enters.]
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Tag: You have all the answers, don't you?
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
[Scene: The Balcony, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Tag: Wow. (He starts to walk towards the railing.)
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: (looking at the street) Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! (He points down to the street)
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
[They both get up and head for the door. Clunkers whines a little]
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
[Phoebe waves Monica in. Monica sneaks in with the bag with Clunkers in it and heads for Phoebe's room.]
Ross: Hey look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically...
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
(We can hear the dog whining at a high pitch.)
Ross: Because you sent away the dog!
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
[The dog barks, runs out of Phoebe's room and jumps onto the couch]
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Phoebe: Oh no, the dog's not going to be there!
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Rachel: (uncovers the dog) Hi!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
[Ross whines and starts working again. The door opens and Tag enters.]
Tag: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
[Rachel and Tag go into the hall.]
Rachel: Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.
Tag: No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
Mark: (reaching through the flowers) Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file?
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
Rachel: (She drops the brush) Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too?
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Ross: (breaking the silence) You should get some sleep.
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
[Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are sitting on one side of a long desk. Benjamin Hobart is sitting on the other side]
The Salesman: You two are really gonna enjoy that couch.
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Ross: You got it! (Monica leaves, Ross closes the door). All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. (He grabs a bag of styrofoam peanuts) Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
Phoebe: Umm Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, Im gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And hes gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)
Rachel: No! Put that box down! We are not going anywhere! This is my apartment and I like it! This is a girls apartment! That is a boys apartment, its dirty and it smells. This is pretty. Its-its so pretty! And look, and its-its purple! And Im telling you, you with the steady hand, I am not moving, and now I have got the steady hand. (She holds out her hand, which is shaking uncontrollably.)
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again).
Rachel: Ohh, okay, how about five. (She hands her all the credit cards.) Ohh, thank you.
(Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head)
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
Phoebe: No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours!
[Scene: The theater. Chandler is sitting in the otherwise empty front row, looking around nervously]
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Phoebe: I wanna hear "The Sound."
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
Waiter: (with British accent) Soo, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?
Phoebe: So did Heldi show you the place?
Phoebe: Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, Im gonna do whatever I can to help this so, Im just gonna yknow, lie it your chair, (She climbs into the chair and drapes her feet over the back of the chair.) Y'know? Yeah, good, Im let gravity yknow, do its jobs.
Phoebe: Im, Im freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldnt have! All right, I havent lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
Chandler: And now youre giving me the message!
Joey: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. So who knows what I might say this time.
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
Chandler: Hi! Im Dorf! Youre date for the evening. (Monica walks away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, thats good stuff!!
Phoebe: I'm sorry, Frank. I didn't realise things were so bad. You know, I'll help out more. I can - I can babysit any time you want. You name the day, and I'll be there.
The Old Man: Yes?
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
[cut to later in the game]
[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]
Rachel: Or maybe you would see me looking embarrassed because you are talking on the phone with your crotch!
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
Joey: Hey, thats never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!
Monica: Oh!! (hits Chandler and Joey in the head) You guys knew about this and you didnt tell us?!
Ross: Hey! Look whos back! Its the birthday girl! Hows the birthday girl feeling?
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Monica: I am the best.
Chandler: No, you're the best.
Chandler: You gave them one day's notice, not everyone in our class checks the web site everyday and Monica... it's probably the way you stand!
Ross: Hop in. (Phoebe hops in.) Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, hes fine, hes fine, lets just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See thats a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Rachel: I will wake you up in a way thats proved very popular in the past.
Rachel: What's that? (Points to the box.)
(Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.)
Chandler: It cant happen like this. Okay? Ill meet you back at the hotel.
Phoebe: Umm, Im trying to move that pencil. (Theres a pencil lying on the table.)
(They all run and join her at the window.)
The Cooking Teacher: Oh yes! Youre an excellent chef! As a person youre a little
Man: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?
Ross: Oh yeah, we're uh, yeah we're not together. (He starts backing out of the store.)
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Ross: I see... Thanks very much. (he gets up and walks to the door. On his way out he looks at the photographs Mr Zelner has near his door. He picks one up.) Is this your son?
Monica: Fresh cookies! Hot from the oven!
Rachel: (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Rachel: So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the time were 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and weve-weve already slept together so yknow therell be no surprises there! You know what I mean? No like, "Whats that?!"
Phoebe: Well, maybe we will. (Starts to walk away.) Oh! (She turns around and the exchange information.)
Monica: He didn't die. I saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine. Her on the other hand, botched Botox.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Chandler: Oh, is it on the computer, cuz I'd love to give it a read...?
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Ross: (from the bathroom) Okay!!
The Smoking Woman: I won't! (Turns away) Until I have my next cigarette.
Gary's Radio: We've lost visual contact with the suspect.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is just finishing up a meeting with his boss and the rest of his team.]
Phoebe: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.
The Hot Girl: Jen.
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Ross: (to the woman checking her mail) Who isn't?
Joey: (entering) Hey uh Monica, I cant remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movies?
Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall.
(Ross leaves, and after the door closes, Joey gives him the loser sign.)
The Potential Roommate: Great!
Chandler: Yeah, it is the best.
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathys play.]
Joey: well that's not even the weird part. I don't think she remembered sleeping with me.
Joey: Okay! All right, I'll see ya. (As he's walking off stage.) (Patting the bag.) We got it! We got it!
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.
Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
Monica: Yeah, theres one right under the cabinet.
Kim: Oh that's great! You are the best!
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.