words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas. (Thats true in so many ways, trust me, Ive lived in one and been to the other.)
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
[Cut to the girls in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (counting the place settings) How come we have one extra place setting?
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Phoebe: (Phoebe hangs up and someone knocks on the door. She gasps.) They're here already? How are they doing this?
Rachel: (gets up and opens the door) Hi Tag! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
[The dog barks.]
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
[Time lapse, Ross is still doing Chandler's game. Tag is heading for the balcony.]
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Cut to the balcony, Tag is looking down while Rachel enters.]
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Tag: You have all the answers, don't you?
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
[Scene: The Balcony, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Tag: Wow. (He starts to walk towards the railing.)
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: (looking at the street) Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! (He points down to the street)
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
[They both get up and head for the door. Clunkers whines a little]
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
[Phoebe waves Monica in. Monica sneaks in with the bag with Clunkers in it and heads for Phoebe's room.]
Ross: Hey look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically...
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
(We can hear the dog whining at a high pitch.)
Ross: Because you sent away the dog!
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
[The dog barks, runs out of Phoebe's room and jumps onto the couch]
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Phoebe: Oh no, the dog's not going to be there!
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Rachel: (uncovers the dog) Hi!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
[Ross whines and starts working again. The door opens and Tag enters.]
Tag: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
[Rachel and Tag go into the hall.]
Rachel: Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.
Tag: No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
Ross: My fault?! You threatened the judge!
(Joey goes back into the apartment, runs back into the hallway, throws his shoulder against the door, and knocks it down off its hinges.)
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
[Scene: The Theatre, Kate and Joey are rehearsing the same scene as before.]
Gunther: (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie.
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. Its-its me!
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, well get us some Mai Thais, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, yknow, you think Ill ever get there?
Joshua: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Phoebe: All right, and umm (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. Hes on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. Its watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
The Director: And Action!
The Director: All right, from the top.
Phoebe: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
The Director: Action!
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Joey: (making like he is yelling up to the second floor) Im coming up!
[Scene: The street outside the building, Rachel is running to catch up with Caitlin.]
Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when were getting married.
Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
Chandler: Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm anything but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
Chandler: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise. (She hugs him, and she knows what he was doing so she looks at the TV and sees sharks swimming around thinking Chandler was giving himself a treat to sharks.)
Chandler: Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for the love.
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Phoebe answers it.]
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Phoebe: (opening the door) I had nothing to do with it. (Closes the door.) (Opens the door.) Okay, it was my idea, but I dont feel good about it.
Chandler: If its not, then theres two of them. And that would mean its the end of the world!
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Monica: What the hell are you doing?!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Joey: Oh Rachel look, don't say that, I think you just need a hug from Joey. Come on. Come on. (She hugs him and Joey looks out the window.) She's back! Hot girl's back!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Monica: Oh, will you do the top of the cabinets? Thatll really work up your appetite for lunch.
Joey: Well, at the Christmas party him and Santa did some definitely gay stuff!
Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.
Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later!
The Porsche Owner: I live upstate.
(There's the next bell, and the correct answer. The screen changes to "4 to win" and "things that burn". Gene now realizes that he got two correct answers and gets up in his seat.)
Chandler: All right everybody! Just be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet!! Pipe-pipe-pipe down! (They settle down) What is the matter with you people?! This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you, and Ill bet that not one of you can tell me her name! Am I right?
[Cut too later, the moving process is progressing steadily. Monica is trying to lift a heavy box, as Rachel comes in from Chandlers bedroom.]
Rachel: Oh! Its you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
Amy: Humpf, remember him? How we used to make out all the time after you went to sleep.
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?
ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.
RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
[Scene: The Adoption Agency in Ohio. Monica and Chandler are entering with a man.]
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
Joey: (sets the coffee down) Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny.
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Chandler: Ah, youre still just a little fat girl inside arent you? (He kisses her on the cheek)
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I dont need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?
Monica: Well, were trying to find someone to perform our wedding and theyre all either boring or annoying or yknow, cant stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
Ross: (in the accent again) Well, hello Rachel!
Monica: But the mess!
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
Joey: I don't know. But I can see through your sheet. (He looks out the window.) Yeah, yeah, that's her. But y'know what? Doesn't matter, I'm never gonna get to meet her anyway.
ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid.