words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the kitchen, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the table writing one notepads while Chandler is looking over their shoulders.]
Chandler: No, we're playing this game I learned at work. You have to name all the states in six minutes.
Monica: Nobody cares about the Dakotas. (Thats true in so many ways, trust me, Ive lived in one and been to the other.)
Phoebe: Oh, I got tired of naming states. So I decided to list the types of celery, and I have one: regular celery.
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross is sitting in the couch doing Chandler's game. Chandler is sitting in his barca-lounger. The girls are in the kitchen.]
[Cut to the girls in the kitchen.]
Rachel: (counting the place settings) How come we have one extra place setting?
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Monica: All right, I'm out of oven space. I'm gonna turn on Joey's. Please, watch him! Do not let Joey eat any of the food!
Chandler: Look Ross, if you don't know them by now, you will never know them, okay? That is the beauty of this game. It makes you want to kill yourself.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: What the hell is in there?
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Phoebe: (answering the phone) Hi Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Phoebe: (Phoebe hangs up and someone knocks on the door. She gasps.) They're here already? How are they doing this?
Rachel: (gets up and opens the door) Hi Tag! What are you doing here?
Chandler: Huh! Where is the dog?!
[The dog barks.]
Chandler: Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking!
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Phoebe: That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here for the past 3 days
Chandler: And I don't wanna say this, I don't you guys to hate me, but uh, I don't think, I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes, or I go. (An awkward silence ensues.) Oh my god!!
[Time lapse, Ross is still doing Chandler's game. Tag is heading for the balcony.]
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Joey: Fine! Take their advice. No one ever listens to me. When the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside.
[Cut to the balcony, Tag is looking down while Rachel enters.]
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.
Tag: You have all the answers, don't you?
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
[Scene: The Balcony, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: No? (He shakes his head) All right, here's the truth um, Joey said what he said, because um, I'm attracted to you.
Tag: Wow. (He starts to walk towards the railing.)
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Tag: (looking at the street) Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! (He points down to the street)
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
[They both get up and head for the door. Clunkers whines a little]
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Here I am.
Chandler: How did you know? (Heads back into the bathroom)
[Phoebe waves Monica in. Monica sneaks in with the bag with Clunkers in it and heads for Phoebe's room.]
Ross: Hey look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically...
Chandler: (comes out of the bathroom) Where's Monica?
(We can hear the dog whining at a high pitch.)
Ross: Because you sent away the dog!
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
Joey: So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
[Time lapse, Ross still laying a lot out the states.]
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
Joey: Hey! Tag's still talking to the police.
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
[The dog barks, runs out of Phoebe's room and jumps onto the couch]
Joey: Oh No-no-no-no-no-no-no! He went over to Ross' to bring the dog back here!
Phoebe: Oh no, the dog's not going to be there!
[The door opens and Chandler comes in. Rachel covers the door with a blanket]
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Rachel: (uncovers the dog) Hi!
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
[Ross whines and starts working again. The door opens and Tag enters.]
Tag: I'm okay. I gotta go down to the police station and look at mug shots.
Ross: Tag? Y-You're going? (Comes over to Tag) Uh we didn't, uh we didn't get the chance to talk. Uh, so, where did you say you're from again?
[Rachel and Tag go into the hall.]
Rachel: Look, um, I think we should talk about what happened on the terrace.
Tag: No, you didn't. The only thing that freaked me out was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
Chandler: You got it. (Starts looking at the pad, while Ross got the turkey out of the fridge and starts to unwrap and it) You got Nevada twice.
Chandler: Yeah. (Throws the pad on the table and heads for the bedroom)
Chandler: Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces are too big
[They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.]
JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?
Chandler: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
Ross: (knocks on door) Rach, you there? (Joey and Rachel both get up from the bed)
Rachel: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane...
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Receptionist: Here's your schedule for the day. Your first client is in room No. 1.
Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!
Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.
Monica: (getting up) Im gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.]
(Chandlers Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Ross: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.
Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Alice: Hi, Phoebe! We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I dont think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Cecilia: Well, lets just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today!
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)
Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.
Rachel: Im just sort of in the middle of something.
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
Ross: The paper.
Phoebe: Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
The Guys: Ohh!
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isnt moving.
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: The ring is gone!
Monica: Oh my God, you cant even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, Ill tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Monica: I dont believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Monica: Oh thats a great idea. Youre really good on the phone.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
(They go back into the living room)
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didnt mind.
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
Phoebe: (speaking louder and articulating) That's she's like the daughter she never had. (Phoebe points at her ears) Listen! (Monica looks at Phoebe in a duh! way)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I!
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but she wanted me to give you her phone number. (Hands him the slip of paper with the phone number on it.)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
[Cut to the delivery room.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachels I guess I have to call it that now. Rachel is reading on the couch as Ross enters.]
Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Monica: (from the hallway) I do not like that woman!
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
David: Now, we should go back and take the other line.
(Hearing the screaming Chandler and Joey rush in. Joey has a pan, Chandler has a tea kettle.)
Ross: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why dont you just hand over the keys?
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can'tI still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
All: Ohh!! (they all start pointing at the screen)
Phoebe: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, youre just mean! (pause) So, just tell me the truth!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Yknow what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Joey: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath.
Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Rosss points!