words in movies
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: Well, Im gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink ing binge.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but Im soo happy!
Phoebe: I dont know, it would totally depend on her coloring and (realizes) You got the job!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didnt you tell me?
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachels office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joannas office, carrying a box.]
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Check it out! Cup hat! (Points to her hat.) Cup banner! Cup chandelier! And the thing that started it all, the cup! (Holds up one.)
Cassie: (hugs him) Its been so long! Last time I saw you, you were setting up your tent in line to see Return of the Jedi.
Chandler: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)
Joey: You're not gonna let me buy the Knicks?? I can't believe you're taking this away from me!
[Cut to the Men's room. Chandler is practicing flashing his badge as Monica enters.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are there as Rachel and Ross return from the doctors appointment.]
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldn�t get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead.
Joey: (answering the question) Althea!
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
Stu: Either that or shes just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, Ill do whatever you want.
[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Phoebe: Im sorry, okay, I-I wasnt looking, and the store says that they wont take it back because you signed for it...
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
Chandler: For my last birthday you gave me a hug! (To Rachel) Okay, read the card! Read the card!
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
Ross: Huh... huh... what a loser! Some more wine? (takes the half-full glasses and goes to the counter)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe’s reading, Joey has just entered the room]
Ross: Ahh. (notices the table) Ooh, is this a ah, is this a bad time?
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, Iit's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
Chandler: I think thats the youngest girl ever to reject me.
Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win... Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where are you going?
Chandler: He can do more than that! He can destroy the universe!
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
The Casting Director: Y'know what? We need to move on.
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Joey: Can I see the comics?
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London] [Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed ok? I sold out for the cash! And then they give me benefits like medical, and dental, and a 401K. But you know... you pay a price. Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! paying taxes!
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
[Scene: A blackjack table, it's the same one Joey's hand twin was working at, only he's not there anymore and has been replaced by a beautiful woman.]
Ross: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. [pause] But maybe the time after that!
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, thats ridiculous Monica, because Im only down by three touchdowns.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Airline Employee: Im sorry, would you move your thumb? I cant see the seat number.
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: But I told you, I didnt have the time!