words in movies
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. Its an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]
Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)
Chandler: Our eyes are closed and were about to cross the street. Very good.
(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)
Phoebe: No, were gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.
Phoebe: And also, we dont know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girls nipples light up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]
Monica: Well, Im gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.
Ross: I dont know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but theres this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?
Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and
Joanna: Thats fine, actually Im on the hiring committee, so therell be at least one friendly face.
Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.
Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?
Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]
Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.
Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
Phoebe: No-no, its okay. But are we sure we dont want the waterbed?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!
Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer. If you must know the truth, I didnt want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink ing binge.
Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)
Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.
Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandros came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!
Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but Im soo happy!
Phoebe: I dont know, it would totally depend on her coloring and (realizes) You got the job!!
Monica: You got the job?! Why didnt you tell me?
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandros.
Monica: Its okay, cause y'know what? You dont really need me for the business.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-Ill pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.
Joey: We dont need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, well head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Monica: All right, Ive got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, Im getting the feeling that you dont want to deliver.
Monica: Yknow what, lets do the catering business.
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats what you really want. Yeah, I dont want to be the reason youre unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really dont want to be the reason Im unhappy.
Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.
[Scene: Rachels office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joannas office, carrying a box.]
Allesandro: Im so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, its like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much were gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isnt Rachel.
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, thats ridiculous Monica, because Im only down by three touchdowns.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Phoebe: (is struggling with the cat) Stop it! Stop it! She keeps squirming, trying to get away! Just like when she was alive.
Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!
Amy: We’re gonna be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey, snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come on!
Phoebe: You could get arrested, right now! (Flashes the badge and they glare at her.) All right, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power. (She heads for the door just as Joey enters.)
Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)
Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: All guys that are awake. Then we go to sleep and then all the guys from the other end of the world wake up and behave the exact same way.
Chandler: Hey, you have nothing but talk about her for the last 48 hours! If you were in a school yard youd be pulling her pigtails and pushing her down now!
Rachel: (We see a flashback as Rachel describes what happened.) All right, we were shaking hands and he kinda leaned toward me Y'know maybe he was going to open the door, but I totally miss read him and I uhhh (The flashback shows that she kissed him on the cheek.)
Photographer: Now why dont we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody soldier.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
(Ross and Emilys parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen eating breakfast.]
Airline Employee: Im sorry, would you move your thumb? I cant see the seat number.
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Joey: Oh, yknow what? Since Im here, I think Im gonna have me a little beer on the port side. (Grabs and opens one.)
Rachel: But I told you, I didnt have the time!
Monica: Wow! Your lip went bald. (Richard pays the clerk) Hey, thanks.
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
Ross: Okay, look, yesterday I would've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that has got to mean something!
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace?
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Joey: Look, Rach, Rach! I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
Ross: No, please, please, um, its for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Ross: And you know I wanted to ask Charlie out since the day I met her.
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Phoebe: Well, I would love to but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. (Ross just happens to have his hand on a sheet that is covering something that suspiciously looks like a bike.)
PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is cooking, Joey is eating, and Chandler is entering from the bedroom.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is the show still on?
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Rachel: Yeah, what the hell did I know!
Chandler: And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street, she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just stares at him.)
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and its intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesnt slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler)
Ross: Hello. (He throws his jacket towards the coat rack and misses.) Im sorry Im a little late. Ah(Checks his watch)Whoa! A lot late. Let me start by uh, by introducing myself, I am Professor Geller. (The bell rings.) So to sum up, Im Professor Geller. Good job today.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, (Gives Monica the fist thing.) for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.
[Scene: The Cooking Class, everyone has finished baking a batch of cookies and the teacher is going around tasting them.]
Monica: You cant say that!! You-you dont know!! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldnt...bend that way. So... (Looks at Joey.)
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
(Mr. Heckles opens the door)
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating.
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Young Monica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?
Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Ross: I didnt know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I didnt finish the whole letter!
[Scene: Central Perk. Frank Jr., Phoebe and the triplets are there. Continued from earlier.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
Chandler: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.
Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom)
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
Monica: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn’t gotten the question wrong!
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, whered we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)
Monica: Okay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)
(Rachel goes to the fridge, opens it, and blows on the whistle Monica gave her at the store, which causes Phoebe and Monica to turn around and look at her.)
Phoebe: What about, what about when I said yknow about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Rachel: Yknow I cant even worry about that right now, cause I got the cutie little baby, oh I cant believe how much I love her, I cant get enough of her, like right now I miss her. I actually miss her.
Ross: Over here. (You can see Ross sitting at the far wall.)
Isabella: Yeah, for you. Is that the list?
Ross: The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
Monica: Deep Impact was the one with Robert Duval, Armageddon is whats going to happen to you if you wake me up.