words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
Chandler: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? (He tries to think of another but can't) I'm out.
Phoebe: (taking something out of the couch) Ew-eww!! Undies!
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
[Cut to the guy's apartment.]
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier!
Monica: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
(Shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.)
Phoebe: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
Phoebe: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Rachel: So Pheebs, what is the book about?
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anywayumm, what is this book about?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
The Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
The Teacher: Would ya care to venture one?
The Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
The Teacher: All right, let's move on.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
Phoebe: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
Ross: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. (Joey walks by with a cup of coffee.) Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]
The Teacher: (entering) Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
The Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
[Scene: The Class; Monica has taken Rachel's spot.]
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
The Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: (sees the picture) Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Ross: (entering, with the rest of the gang) What's going on?
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Ross: (covering his eyes) Dude! That's my sister! (She shows the rest of the gang.)
Monica: (grabbing the picture) Give me that!
Monica: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Rachel: Well, what is the truth?
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: Ahhoy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Rachel: And the video camera?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Rachel: (interrupting him) No-no-no-no-no Ross! Please, come on we do not have any of the big stuff we need! We do not a changing table! We do not have a crib! We do not have a diaper service!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Joanna: With them, under them, whats the difference? Eh, Rach?
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
The Interviewer: All right then, well have a definite answer for you on Monday, but I think I can say with some confidence, youll fit in well here.
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, Im in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
(Joey closes the door behind her.)
Joey: Aww, man. Thats the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out hes my roommate, shes gonna tell him what I did.
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
Woman: Well you can have the suite if you want. We dont care about where we stay. Were here to celebrate our love together. We dont have to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Rachel: What am I making him by the way?
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Ross: Uh, no... no. I couldn't find him. I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, yknow, I thought well, theres mincemeat pie, I mean thats an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, yknow. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff.
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's kitchen, Chandler has a jug of milk in his hands and decides to make some warm milk. He opens up the cabinet to get a pot and manages to knock several other pots onto the floor making a lot of noise.]
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
Ross: Yeah, well you never have the time. I mean, I dont feel like I even have a girlfriend anymore, Rachel.
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, Ill be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.)
Chandler: Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start!
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I dont wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.)
Ross: Yeah, y'know what? I'll take it myself, thank you! (He signs the form and hands it back to the salesman.) All right Rach, let's go! (He picks up one end of the couch.)
Pete: Monica, I want to become (pause) the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
Joey: Right... (pause) ok, so just from the top of the page, right here.
Chandler: What are the odds? What are the odds?
Phoebe: Yeah. The 92 Ross wouldnt.
Phoebe: Okay, well you put down the toilet seat.
Phoebe: (pushing Monica back onto the couch) Its so inspired! Look at him! Look at him go!
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Ross: Okay, well the ??? is not home.
The Singing Man: Oh come on! Mornings here! (Starts singing) Mornings here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here!
(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
Dr. Green: What, the heart attack or sitting here talking to you?
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldnt make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say Like me! Like me tiny doctor!
Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think Im going to run to the ladies room.
Rachel: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]
Monica: We left Joey alone with the food! (Walks towards the window and looks out) Yep! Yep, I knew it! There he is... feeding stuffing to a dog!
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I cant believe I missed it.
The Interviewer: (returning) So, as Joeys friends, is there anything that you guys think our readers ought to know?
Rachel: (yelling at the stranger) Alright! Enough out of you!
Ross: Oh! You are gonna love it! (The girl is looking in the other direction as Ross is taking off his own coat, revealing the pink and white ladies shirt) and I'm so glad, we're finally doing this.
Joey: Like you wouldnt believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
Ross: Why not? Its built into the price of the room.
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Monica: You better believe he's tired, after the day we had! If you know what I mean. You know what I mean?
Chandler: I gotta check out this hot girl! (He heads to the window but realizes something, stops, turns and points at Monica.) There she is! (He dances over to her and kisses her.)
Chandler: Well actually uh, there was something we wanted to tell you about the wedding. Um, its going to be a small ceremony. Uh, tiny! Were not even sure why were having it.
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
The Dry Cleaner: Thats my wife!!! Get out! (Starts yelling at him in Russian, and Im betting hes not saying pleasant things about him.)
Rachel: (refers to the table) What are these?
Monica: Maybe I do! Im pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)
[Cut to the balcony with Monica and Tim.]
Monica: (interrupting him) No-no-no, dont-dont do the accent. Youve got to see her again.
(They open the door.)
Charlie: It's a... It's good to meet you! Thank you so much for taking the time out to show me around.
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
(Janice runs into the bedroom.)
[Flashback to: The Street in front of Central Perk, Ross and Joey are holding a yellow tape across the road and everyone is cheering Phoebe as she bounces around the corner on a hippity-hop.]
[Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.]
(The gang is stunned.)
Rachel: We just uh, we just met at the newsstand. We both grabbed for the last Field & Stream. (Chandlers shocked.) What? I read that.
The Singing Man: (singing) Mornings here! The mornings here!
The Singing Man: Hey! Youre back!
[Scene: Kathys play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Rachel: I - I have to get on the plane.
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)
(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees little Robert. Chandler is horrified by this view.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]