words in movies
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
(Phone rings.� Chandler answers using the speaker phone.)
(She frowns.� Chandler picks up the hand set.)
CHANDLER: Braid each other's hair and ride horseback on the beach?
JOEY: No, no, no.� When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . .� courtside!
JOEY: Yeah.� Maybe Michael Jordon will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
(Chandler hangs up and calls Monica who is reading a book on their sofa as the phone rings.)
MONICA: Really?� But tomorrow night is the only night I get off from the restaurant.� If you go to the game, we won't have a night together for another week.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
RACHEL: Well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah.� Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.� And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.
(Rachel nods.� There is a knock on the door.)
RACHEL: (to Ross) Ok.� So now, I think Emma is probably down for the night, but if you need anything Ross . . .
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
[Scene:� Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Monica is wearing a sexy negligee.� She pours two glasses of wine as Chandler enters with a carry-on suitcase.� He sets the case by the door.)
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
CHANDLER: Well, it looks great.� It's just that . . . well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath.� So . . .
(There is a loud thud at the door.)
JOEY: Hey!� How come the door's locked?
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Achhh.� It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.� (pause)� Except with you.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
(Monica goes to the door.� Chandler slides behind it as she opens it slightly.)
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
MONICA: Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.� You know, like, "Hi, How do I look?"� (As Chandler) "Really sexy.� Could I BE any more turned on?"
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
MONICA: Cheers.� (She clinks his glass and pulls back.)� Okay, buh-bye.� (She closes the door.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: All right look.� (He walks to the hallway.)� If you can't come home and deal with this, then I'm gonna.
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
ROSS: Shouldn't the pizza be here by now?� I mean, they said thirty minutes or less.� Well, how long has it been?
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
[Scene: A bar.� Rachel and Phoebe are bringing their drinks from the bar to a sofa.]
PHOEBE: Oh God.� Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
CHANDLER: All right.� I've got a plan.� I'll go down the fire escape.
MONICA: Yes, because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
[Scene: The bar.� Two men are chatting with Rachel and Phoebe.]
KEVIN: All right. It's no big deal. BILL: So, she has a boyfriend. What is your situation? RACHEL: Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't actually have a boyfriend.� But um. . . BILL: Then, can I have your number? RACHEL: (pause) I'm sorry, no. BILL: Okay. (They start to walk away.) RACHEL: Oh sure.� (She pulls a business card from her purse and writes on it.) PHOEBE: (Reading the card.) Oh my God, you're giving your real number. BILL: Okay, thanks. I'll give you a call later tonight. RACHEL: Great. BILL: Bye PHOEBE: Bye. (The guys leave.) Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together. What were you thinking?
RACHEL: No.� No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go.� "Hey Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before."
PHOEBE: Yeah, I see what you mean.� By the way, nice Ross imitation.
RACHEL: Well, the point is, maybe I should just stop waiting around for moments with Ross, you know?� I should just . . . move on with my life.
PHOEBE: Well, you kind of just did.� That guy is going to call you tonight.� Ross is going to pick up the phone and that's a pretty clear message.
RACHEL: Oh God, Ross.� Ross is going to pick up the phone.� Oh, I have to get my number back.� (She turns to find Bill, but they have gone.)� Oh my God.� He's gone.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
ROSS: Okay.� Well, thanks, ah, thanks for the beer.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
PHOEBE: I'm so sorry honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.� So, you have to intercept all his calls.
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
PHOEBE: All right. (She takes the phone from Rachel.)� Hello?� Hi.� I'm sorry about her, but she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
ROSS: (putting his arm up with his hand on the door frame.)� Why?� (He starts to lower his arm.)
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: The hallway and stairs outside Chandler and Monica's apartment.� Chandler enters from the stairs.� Joey is sitting with a baseball bat.]
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
CHANDLER: That's right.� You're husband's home.� So, now the sex can stop.
JOEY: All right.� All right.� Then, maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around, huh?� (He checks the bathroom shaking the bat.� Then he proceeds to their bedroom.)� Bwa-ah-ah!
(Thudding sounds can be heard from the bedroom.)
MONICA: (smiling) I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.
CHANDLER: All right.� Well, I'll check the guest room.
JOEY: (sniffing the air and then Monica.)� Why do I smell men's cologne?
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry. �That's the one thing I can't do.� I promised I'd be with Monica.
MONICA: (taps chandler on the arm) You can go.
MONICA: You should go to the game.� It's okay.� I want you to.
MONICA: Yeah, I'll be fine.� You know, maybe I'll stay here and practice the art of seduction.
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
(Chandler heads toward the stairs, but makes a turn back to his apartment while looking at the ticket.)
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
RACHEL: See you guys.� (She closes the door.)
ROSS: Rachel, lock the door.� Lock the door,� seriously.
RACHEL: Oh shoot.� I forgot to pay Phoebe for the drinks.� (She exits to the hallway and closes the door behind her.)� Wait, wait.� Sorry.� Did he call?� Did that guy call?
(Inside the apartment the phone rings.� Ross answers it.)
ROSS: Hello.� (listens)� Ah, no, she's not here right now.� Can I take a message?� (grabs a pad and pen)� Bill from the bar?� (writes)� Okay, "Bill from the bar."� I'll make sure she gets your number.
(He hangs up the phone and tears the note off the pad.� Then, he stops and re-reads it.� Rachel enters.)
ROSS: (holds up the message) Uh, Rach.
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.� I'll be right back.� I've got to go to the bathroom.� (She rises and exits.)
(Ross smiles slightly.� Then he gives a single nod that lifts him to his feet.� He exits the coffee shop.
[Joey stands up again. Rachel enters the door]
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is on the phone.]
[Rachel walks past Joey towards the couch]
Joey: Oh, you didnt see the Post?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean yknow, emotionally, mentally, physically
(The intercom buzzes.)
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. Youre call is very important to us.
[The next flashback is from The One Where No One's Ready. Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of clothes.]
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Rachel is showing Ross around the newly decorated living room.]
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play hes in.]
Rachel: Youre so sweet. (Notices something in the crib.) Oh my God! And you gave the baby Hugsy! (A stuffed penguin wearing a ski jacket, goggles, and hat.)
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! Its Monica. (listens) Kay. (listens) Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Phoebe: You didnt leave lipstick marks on the phone.
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
[Flashback, year 1987. Chandler enters the school's corridor. Ross is hanging some flyers on the wall. Both have a funny 80s hair and clothes.]
Phoebe: Oh! These are the ones I was looking at in the store. (she got earrings)
Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees...
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
Monica: Oh yeah, whats the plan?
Ross: (He interrupts her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?
Helena: Well I wouldnt miss it for the world. Oh! Im getting all misty here! Youd think I was having my legs waxed or something. (Goes back on stage.)
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
Monica: Sex! This is the last day I�m ovulating, and when we don�t do it now, we�ll have to wait till next month. (walks towards bedroom)
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.
Ross: I don't remember him, but then again I touched so many lives. (they press their ears against the door)
(Monica opens the door.)
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Phoebe: (looking in the window) Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Lets go.
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike huh?
Chandler: Hey! So are you enjoying the bike?
Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?
Joshua: Anyway, hopefully, Ill see you around sometime. (He goes out the door.)
Joey: (watching the discussion) Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?
Chandler: What is the matter with you?
[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the rules of Spin the Bottle.]
The Woman: Please, cant you help me out?
Joey: (through the window) All right, he likes you back! Huh? Told ya, you should go for it!
Ross: The first time! No seriously, imagine if Carol hadnt realized she was a lesbian.
Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh Chandler wants the band. What do I do?
Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since Ive been alive.
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Manny: Oh yeah yeah, thank God you were here to oversee all the kissing!
Phoebe: What?! (Ross rings the bell.) What the hell?!
Phoebe: Well, Im ready to get the hell out of here! (Sees Ross and Rachel cuddling on the couch.) Oh. Are you? Are you?!! (they nod Yes.) Ohh! Thats so great!! Ooh, not for Bonnie. (they nod No.) But for you, yay! Ohh.
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
Joey: No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.)
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Chandler: So uh Monica, do you, do you like the Law & Order?
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Steve: Chandler, hi! I'm sure you've heard we filled the three positions. We just felt that with your maturity and experience, you wouldn't be happy being someone's assistant.
Chandler: You dont, like go into the back of my closet, and look under my gym bag or anything?
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
The Man: (from earlier) Candy Lady?
Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself.
Leader: All right girls, and man. Lets see your final tallies. (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Monica: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
Joey: In my spare time I uh, read to the blind. And Im also a mento for the kids.(The gang shake their heads.) Yknow a mento, a role model. (Chandler bites his fist to keep from talking.)
Joey: No, the quiet down thing!
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.]
All: All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the game.)
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
(Ross isnt happy and closes the door slowly.)
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, were not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Rachel: I Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for?
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
(She turns the tree around so that her side, which is perfectly decorated, is showing)
Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?
(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
Mona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. (Flips to the end.) Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!
[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
Rachel: Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!! (Laughs and finishes her drink.)
Joey: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!
Joey: I’m saying that… (pause). This isn't working for me anymore, ok? Estelle, you’re fired. Goodbye. (he hangs up the phone).
Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund dont you?
Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.