words in movies
Joey: Oh well, theyre killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body.
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Monica: Who are they killing off?
Rachel: (They both look behind them.) Well, I'd have to say gay.
Phoebe: Yeah That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.)
(They edge closer to the phone on the table.)
Joey: Ms. Monroe (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Cecilia: (walking up) Youre absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They dont know exactly when its going to happen, but apparently going to be very soon and thats it.
Joey: No I mean it! I cant believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much!
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.)
Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands maybe a little off, they should be maybe right like (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.)
(They walk into the living room.)
Phoebe: Hmm, they just dont make em like that anymore!
Rachel: (turning and looking at Tom again) No-no they do but, you just have to wait.
Joey: They sent me todays script! They never send the script!
Cecilia: They dont?
Fredrick: Thank you sweetheart. (They clink glasses.)
Dina: I cant believe shes really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into kiss but; theyre stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.)
(They kiss and both put their hands on the others face like Jessica would do.)
MRS. GELLER: [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
Joshua: No, theyre-theyre all true.
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
(They storm out into the street.)
Monica: (To Chandler) Our kids are gonna call her Aunt Janice arent they?
Chandler and Phoebe: ...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they dont match tones, and they just look at each other)
Chandler: Well yknow, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S it is a bit of a challenge.
Phoebe: Thats all right, thats well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)
(They pause to think about it.)
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Rachel: Oh yeah, theyre really great! Arent they?
Phoebe: Uh-huh! (They hug.) I'm so happy. (She's not happy.)
Phoebe: Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
Rachel: Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue.
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
Gunther: They already do. Thats why they call it the tray spot.
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think its great they work things out.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
(They hug.)
[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]
Monica: Well, were trying to find someone to perform our wedding and theyre all either boring or annoying or yknow, cant stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Franks life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I dont want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, its sick and wrong!
(They start playing.)
Phoebe: Excuse me, anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a whole year!
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
(They hug.)
Joey: Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, theyre all gonna make fun of her, do you want that?
(They both run and hug theyre respective partners.)
Conan: But audiencesYou have a live studio audience and they must love that. They must love it when they see you guys playing.
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
Chandler: They thought it was very smart of us to have a child write the recommendation letter.
(They break the embrace.)
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off)
Rachel: Maybe its not as bad as I think. Yknow, maybe they didnt take it the way I meant it.
Ross: What do you mean, theyre not moving in? They-theyre still moving in right?
Phoebe: And this time, theyve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.
(They all laugh.)
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.)
(They do so and they take off their clothes.)
Rachel: (looking at his butt) There it is. (They hug.)
(They both get up and leave Phoebe alone.)
Phoebe: Okay. (They shake hands and she pulls away suddenly) Oh my God! What did I ever do to you?! (Rubbing her hand.)
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Chandler: it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh, but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)
Ross: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
(they kiss again)
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Chandler: Why wouldnt they be happy?
Chandler: Theyre in my bag over there. (Points.)
Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they dont.
Rachel: They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well yknow what? Screw em! If they dont want me there, Ill just hang out with you guys.
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Chandler: Why havent you told them?! Wouldnt they be happy?!
(They walk to the table, but Rachel suddenly gasps. Sitting there is mr Zellner, her boss from her current job at Ralph Lauren.)
Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again)
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
(They turn back to Rachel and Professor Rathman.)
Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?
(She opens a door and they both scream at horror at whats inside of it.)
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
(They both look at each other, nod their heads All right and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
(They turn away.)
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Rachel: I know, it's huge, and it's scary, and it's... really far, far away from you guys, but this is such an incredible opportunity for me. And I've already talked to them about our situation with Emma, and they said they'll do whatever we need to make us feel comfortable.
Monica: Yes! (They run over to a platform)
(They dance over to him.)
Monica: Ross theyre really, really, really white.
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
Janine: Thank you. (They kiss.)
Chandler: I dont know, but dont worry, dont worry, because I know how to take a picture now. (They get ready) Okay, see? Look down (Looks down), look down, look down (He falls asleep.)
Monica: Im gonna miss you! (They hug.)
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
(They start to go inside.)
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
All: Aww! (They all laugh.)
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Rachel: Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, thats always a painful time! Yknow your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while youre sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
(They go to the food table.)
Ross: They put that in.
Monica: C'mon Chandler, I think we have been given an opportunity. I mean, the mistake has already been made. They are writing up the paper right now.
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (Theyre shocked.)
Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice.