words in movies
{Transcribers Note: This is an hour-long special episode. Which means that the first part of this episode is episode 615. The second part of this episode is episode 616. Since episodes 615 and 616 are combined into one file, thats why there is no episode 616 in the season 6 table of contents and the numbers jump from episode 615 to 617.}
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Fat Monica, and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. Monicas boyfriend is getting up to get something. For future reference, for the rest of this episode Monicas fat, I wont be calling her Fat Monica throughout.]
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Joey: All right, heres a list of things for you to do today. Man, this going to be so great! Thank you so much! All right, I got to go to work Im delivering twins today, but only one of them is mine! (Exits.)
Rachel: Wow! This is so amazing! What else? What else?
Joey: I thought we talked about this. I dont like pulp. No pulp. Pulp isnt juice. All juice, okay?
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
Ross: So honey, this morning was fun, huh? Me hopping in on you in the shower there.
Chandler: Whats this?
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Rachel: Ohh! And Im one of them!! Wow! Oh, I just cannot believe this! I mean, Joey Tribbiani!
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Rachel: Yes!! I mean sex does not have to be a big deal! There shouldnt be all this rules and restrictions! Yknow, people should be able to sleep with who ever they want, whenever
{Transcribers Note: This is where Part II begins, which means this is now episode 616.}
Ross: So honey this uh, this threesome thing umm, I mean how-how are you gonna start to find
Carol: Ooh, actually Ive been making a list of all the women I know who might be into doing this!
Phoebe: Well, Ive got to get out of this bed, Im going crazy here. Crazy!
Phoebe: What the hell is this, herbal tea? I hate herbal tea!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, maybe this whole heart attack thing is a sign, that-that you should start think about getting a different job.
Phoebe: Okay, what is this? A stupid contest? Because we got a winner here! (Points at Ross.)
Joey: I know. (Joey is sitting in this tall chair that is made up of balls on polls. Youll have to see it to know what I mean.) Yeah, his name is Pat.
Ross: Were really gonna do this, huh?
Ross: Yknow, if, if this is too weird for you, we can still back out at (A knock on the door interrupts him.)
Susan: (not taking her eyes off Carol) Hello Ross. (Takes off her coat and hands it to him.) I love what youve done with this space.
Ross: How hot is this?!
Chandler: No you are not! You are sweet and wonderful and this is gonna happen for you.
Chandler: We cant do this.
Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it.) If-if-if we did do this there would be a lot of pressure on me, yknow? Because youve been waiting a very long time and I wouldnt want to disappoint you.
Chandler: Stop it! Were doing this! Lets do it!
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Chandler: Let me tell you about this chick I scored with last night! Oh no wait a minute that was you!
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: Oh, okay I didnt get that message. So this doesnt countAnyway, Ill be in my office.
Phoebe: Thats all right, Ill work here. This is goo, next to this plant. (She picks a place in the lobby next to a plant.)
Phoebe: Youre in my office! Look, I have made a lot of cash for this company! Okay? I am talking big bucks! Pesos! Yen! Rubles! You make one little mistake
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
Rachel: Well, if you see him, will you please tell him that Im looking for him and that this I am not gonna throw up!
Ross: She is not (Realizes) Shes gay. Oh my God. She is so gay! I cant believe this.
Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for someone else and youre still gonna date him?
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...
Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.
Charlie: No, no, we ended up in great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner together, and I can introduce you.
Joey: Hey uh, where do you guys want this?
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Mike: But I don't want this to end.
Ross: Oh yeah, let me just finish this.
Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out.
Rachel: Im not saying that Im a lesbian! Im just saying that this happened!
Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with!
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Julie: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.
Joey: Oh, hi, I'm Joey. My stupid friends are buying this house. Who are you?
Joey: I got this pair marked excess, I gotta tell ya, there was no room for excess anything in there.
Joey: Oh this is great! I might actually get to play Ben's dad!
Monica: This is your cellphone?
Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
Chandler: Hmm, lets see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)
Ross: (He opens the door while faking a laugh.) Hey! Oh, we-we can't keep eating like this. (Monica turns her head in shame.)
Phoebe: Who is this?
Michelle: This is your daughter? I can be your new mummy!
Rachel: Well sure, if you say youre gonna take care of everything I have no reason to doubt you. Give me those forms! (Grabs them from him.) All right, now Im gonna do this my way and I dont want to hear a peep out of you!
Joey: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
[Scene: N.Y.U, Rosss new class, this time hes actually about to do a lecture.]
Chandler: Yeah...I mean I want this so much! I mean, I wanna get one, I want my friend Charlie to get one...Except I don't care about Charlie.
CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.
Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I dont
Phoebe: Yeah I guess you're right. Yeah thanks. This helped. Thanks.
Ross: I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!
MONICA: So on this road trip, did you guys win any money?
ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.
Chandler: This is..shhh!
DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way.
Vince: (running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! Whats going on here? Who is this guy?
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Ross: Oh, sure. Whoa-whoa, what's this? The delivery charge is almost as much as the couch!
ROSS: Hey, hey, woah, you want some of this, huh? You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Joey: Chandler! You are not gonna believe this! I have found my identical hand twin!
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, this is what happens when people live on the edge!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Joey: Great Great and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I didnt want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if you want to.
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Chandler: All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this.
Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control)?
(He leaves, and this girl grabs Joey and starts dancing really wild.)
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
Monica: See, Ive been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people Im only planning on doing this once. So, uh yknow, maybe this is selfish and Im sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
Eric: I dont know, Im still pretty tired out from this afternoon.
Monica: Oh yeah? Ok, let's settle this, come on!
Rachel: Okay, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem.
Joey: Like this. (pointing to the picture) Pictures of cute babies we dont know. We..we cant have that.
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 oclock this morning until 5 oclock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
Rachel: Oh wow! Look at this place!
Rachel: ... Ok, who is this?
Monica: Ok, what is this?
Monica: I mean I-I thought you were nuts at first, but you-you did it. And now you can just look back at this thing with no regrets.
Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Monica: Youre supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, whats-whats the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you?
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.
Monica: So this is what a stroke feels like.
Phoebe: (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, yknow? And I got nauseous.
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
David: Hi! I-i-is this a bad time?
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Monica: Hey, what's this?
Monica: I cant believe this! (Storms out.)
Janine: Well Im gonna be on it this year. Im gonna be one of the party people.
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Dont crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, its perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) Im sorry, this ones taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Chandler: Well, I then guess Im going to Yemen! Im going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
Janice: Oh! Sid is still in his room. I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. So did you do it? Did you make your deposit?
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Chandler: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.
Ross: you know I really admire your whole dating attitude, it's so healthy I'm always like is this moving to fast? Is this moving to slow? Where's this going?
Jill: Oh please, I memorized those numbers when I was 15. But look at all the cool make-it-on-my-own stuff I got! (Holds up a red sweater) This is my "Please, hire me" sweater. (Holds up a pair of black pants) And these are my, "Dont you want to rent me this apartment?" pants.
Ross: So, uh, this guy, she used to go out with, is, uh is he a good guy?
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
Ross: How do you feel about all this?
Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided thisthis whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.
Chandler: Hey! Look I brought a friend for dinner, this is Zack, from work!
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
Chandler: Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monicas gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me?
Receptionist: This has been torn up.
JOEY: I don't know how to tell you this but, uh . . . I think Monica's cheatin' on ya.� I told you shouldn't have married someone so much hotter than you.
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
Joey: Yeah, thats what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. Its too girly.
Chandler: So you know this leaves us with...
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Charlie: Wow! This place is beautiful!
Ross: Wow! This is very flattering, uh...