words in movies
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
Monica: Yeah. But a part of me also cant wait til its over. Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until the wedding.
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Phoebe: Well when can we have this shower?
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe, this is impossible! We cant do this by Friday! We have to find a place. We have to invite people! We have to get food! Theres just too much to do! Its impossible! We cant do it! We cannot do it! We cannot do it!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. (They sit down.) I think we can do this if we just get organized. All right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? All right, where are we gonna have it?
Rachel: Were paying for this yknow.
Chandler: Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
The Casting Director: An Italian Catholic immigrant at this time would not be
Monica: So to get this part you cant be?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Monica: Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion.
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Rachel: (to her) Hi! Im Rachel. This is Phoebe. Im the maid of honor. How do you know Monica?
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. (Points to it.) Umm, this one is made of bologna. (Points.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Chandler: Oh, this is horrible, its just horrible.
Ross: Well, I have a PhD, so... (assistant walk out, not impressed by this statement) (Ross takes his bathrobe off and he enters the tanning booth. He stands up in front of the red light and the sprayer starts and sprays his face and torso)
Monica: Do you really see this as a long-term thing?
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.
Rachel: (returning from calling Warren) Ugh!!! Well, the apartment is already subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. Im never gonna find anything.
Ross: Besides, I-I think I figured out a much faster route, Im sure I can make it this time. I just I just cant be afraid to get a little bit hit by cars. (He goes to the bathroom as Joey enters.)
Phoebe: For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience.
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Yknow, this bra Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Yknow, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, yknow what theyd say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isnt co-operating.)
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'
Emily: Thats just halftime, theres more of this.
Tag: No. (Unzips his coat.) This is my red sweater.
Joey: You know, ah, Ive been thinking about this and I gotta tell ya, its not my fault. Its a natural instinct.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
Parker: That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch Ive ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch)
Monica: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!
Phoebe: Ok, good! (pause) You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...(a pigeon swoops down, scaring Phoebe who drops the bowl on the street) Oh God, no! (pause) I think I broke your bowl.
Phoebe: What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.' He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase!
Joey: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!
Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss.
Ross: I guess it all started when Rachel got this new job. (he sits down at the table.)
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!
Phoebe: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Rachel: What are you talking about? I love them! (Looks into the cage) Yeah, I had a tarantula when I was a kid. But it-it died, because my cat ate it. And then, then my cat died. But Joey, isn't this cool?
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver
Phoebe: Have you really done this before?
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, youre, youre, youre making this too hard.
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
Rachel: Ross! Yknow what, I just gotwhy? Why did you do this?!
Joey: So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Monica: Ross, we can handle this.
Joey: Well Im not proud of this, but (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.)
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) Whats this?
Rachel: This is totally your fault!
JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
Joey: Please, c'mon, you're the smartest person I know and I really like this girl, ok, I don't wanna lose her.
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Dont tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Ross: Actually its more like this. (Pushes her hands to less than an inch apart.)
Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasnt working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Yknow, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I dont suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but
Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Trudie Styler: Im told there are two sides to this story, but all Ive heard is that Bens a bit of a poo-poo head.
Ross: Thats correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Youre right! Go! (Monica starts to leave.) Go tell Chandler! Hurry before its too late! Wait no! (Monica stops.) Does this also mean putting out doesnt get you love? (Monica is shocked.)
Rachel: Oh how can you possibly know? Look at this mess, Tag! I mean, this is what Im talking about! You have to be organized! Youve got newspapers! Youve got magazines! You gotOhh! (Finds a picture.) And who is this chippy? A little young for you Tag, but whatever.
Phoebe: Oh this is so ho-o-ot!
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Rachel: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it!
Ross: Thats all youre basing this on?
Phoebe: You gotta hear this, it's great... It's like free porn! (Chandler eagerly rushes over)
Ross: (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to start with her!
Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is.
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know Im sure thats not gonna happen this time, why dont I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolphs.
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Joey: No! Not unless! Look this must end now!
Phoebe: This is going to be so much fun! Okay-shhh, I have to finish.
Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
Chandler: (on phone) This is Chandler Bing! This is Chandler Bing! (Listens) Yes, the groomNo! Not the groom!!
Ross: Dad dad, please! As I was saying umm, Im Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and Im the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, shes the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if youd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple were here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.
Chandler: I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.
Monica: This would be a beautiful place to get married, yeah, but I wouldnt put the aisle there and I would never have the ceremony there! (Points to both places.) I mean youd have the ceremony under this big beautiful arch. (The arch at the entrance to the room.)
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Eric: Oh no, stay here well keep doing this. Ill pay you.
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Ross: Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.
Rachel: Look he doesnt have any brothers or sisters, somebodys gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I havent taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesnt know anyway!
Phoebe: Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Ross: Everyone, this is Julie.
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (Shes opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions.
Joey: (to her) Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie.
Phoebe: Yeah? (Checking the final diaper) Well this is not what I ordered.
Joey: All right, Rach, the big question is, does he like you? All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo-point.
Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.
Phoebe: Oh yes. Yes. Yeahno. She did. She left you umm, (looking in her purse) this lipstick.
Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
Phoebe: No, you can�t go. No-no-no, I can�t hold this table on my own. If they ask me to move, I cave.