words in movies
Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate.
Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so shed have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy.
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I cant believe I missed it.
Rachel: Hey, yknow, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know itll be Valentines Day, then my birthday, then bang!before you know it, theyre lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in) Yknow, I want a man!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it doesnt even have to be a big relationship, yknow, just like a fling would be great.
Chandler: Yknow what? Theres some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, Im-Im happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.
Phoebe: Hey, maybe they meant to write, Quiet, bitch.
Rachel: Hey, honey! Whats the matter? (Monica shows her, her hat.) Fine, I was just trying to be nice! Whoa!
Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.)
Monica: I mean theyre trying to do everything they can to make me quit, and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something Ive been waiting for my whole life.
Monica: Thats a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
Joey: Good enough to get fired.
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Chandler: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Chandler: (to Drew) Oh, by the way, that is her full name.
Chandler: Oh well, thats uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!
Phoebe: Hey! You guys, Im writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it?
Phoebe: All good, thanks. (to Rachel) Do you maybe have a nickname have like a nickname thats easier to rhyme?
Monica: Didnt your dad used to call you Pumpkin?
Chandler: (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you!
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Chandler: Guys are signing over their 401-Ks to me?
Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, theres this one guy, Patrick, I think youre gonna like him, hes really nice, hes funny, hes a swimmer.
Monica: (getting up) All right, Im gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?
Phoebe: If shes no fun, why do you want to date her at all?
Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, yknow? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that wasif she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasnt kidding, shes not fun, shes stupid, and kind of a racist.
Joey: (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work)
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Joey: You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens to be over her breast.)
Chandler: Why not?! Id be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to getoh I see.
Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first dateoh, hes so gonna get the wrong idea.
Joey: Yeah. Listen uh, Id prefer it if you didnt call me Joey. Since I dont know anyone here, I thought itd be cool to try out a cool work nickname.
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonights specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bagWhy is nobody writing these down?
Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right heres the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere
Monica: (louder) A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. (She holds her hand over her head as an afterthought.) From now on, it is gonna be my way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! (Joey looks at the money hes holding, and doesnt speak up.) Hey new guy! I said, does anybody have a problem with that?!
The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, its Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! Its been a long time since I had (tries to do the math in his head, but cant) 327 + 238 dollars!"
Monica: Joey, we had a deal. That-thats why youre here! Ive got to fire you!
Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You dont fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and theyll start listening to all the nice things Ive been saying about you.
Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.
Phoebe: Well look, you dont really like the one from uptown and youre too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, youre done!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Rachel: Yknow, you should never be allowed to talk to people!
Chandler: Well, yknow, youre-youre gonna meet somebody! Youre a great catch! Yknow when I was telling all those guys about you, I didnt have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)
Chandler: Oh, it doesnt matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey, yknow what, Ive got two tickets to tonights Rangers game, you wanna come with me?
Chandler: So there is no good time to ask that question.
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish?
Kitchen Worker: Well, I dont know what to tell ya!
(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.)
Monica: (starting to cry) Im a good person. And Im a good chef, and I dont deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Yknow what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is
Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!
Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him)
Woman On Train: Were at my stop. But would you like to have coffee?
Woman On Train: Oh, no. But its just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
Joey: Well I guess I shouldve thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller!
Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along.
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Phoebe: Okay, I just thought of the perfect guy for Rachel to take to her thing.
PHOEBE: Oh God.� Remember the girls' nights we used to have sitting around talking about you and Ross?
Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs. (Laura looks shocked)
Ross: Dad so what we have to pretend that were married?
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and hes so cheap, hed never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Rachel: No, you're not! Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you!
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster [1] is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
Rachel: (entering) Im just going to grab the phone.
(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He's prying open the drawer with a crowbar to no avail. Monica, Rachel and Chandler enter.]
Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first.
(Needless to say, Phoebe is stunned into silence. And one audience member gasps.)
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
Monica: I mean, all Im asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Dont I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!
Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Rachel: You know Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday, my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house, and then he would draw a treasure map to help me find 'em all.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Phoebe: (sarcastically) Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Monica: Yeah, but he wants to talk to you before anything really happens with her. And as his friend, I mean, don't you think he deserves the same from you?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Ross: Wha... what do you mean? (Goes to the laptop)
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Rachel: (To Ross) I dont know. (To the gang.) What do you mean last night? Nothing, nothing uh, happened last night.
Ross: Look, I (He has trouble sitting in his chair.) Look, Im having a great time with you and I just dont want us to move to fast or put to much pressure on us. So, Im sorry I just dont think we should go away together yet. Its-its too soon.
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
Ross: I know! Anyway, they asked me to be a guest lecturer! I mean its temporary, but uh, if they like me it could lead to a full time job. How great would that look great on a mailbox, huh? "Professor Geller."
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
Chandler: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
Joey: No-no-no-no, hes not! No! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Come on!
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Tom: So, which one of you lovely ladies am I going to take to dinner huh?
Phoebe: But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use?
Monica: (to Chandler) Is he gonna introduce us?
(and another bell for the correct answer. "3 to win" and "What a dog might say")
Spokeswoman: ...has become the penicillin of the twenty-first century. And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps toward leading that revolution. It is truly ironic, on one hand consider the size...
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Rachel: Hey Pheebs, can I talk to you over here for a second?
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Monica: (sits next to him) Phoebe, its okay that you dont want me to be your girlfriend because I have the best boyfriend.
Ross: My God, the babys kicking. Thats great. Although I kinda wish I-I wouldve been there to feel the kicking for the first time yknow.
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Ross: It's an honor to meet you. I can't tell you how long I've been an admirer of your work, I mean, that Nobel prize, (he thumbs up) whoooo! I mean, I have to tell you that, you're one of the reasons I got into the field.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.]
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. Its that bedroom there. (points to Monicas room)
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Phoebe: (pauses as he figures out how to answer that) Because Im normal! That was the one legacy my grandmother left me, and I know you wanted it as an engagement present.
Doug: Sorry? Finally chewed my leg out of that bear trap. Hey, congratulations to you guys though!
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: (threatening) Don't get too cocky! Remember I won the last one! Oh, by the way, how did that feel, losing to a girl?
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I broke down... I wanted to see him.
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Rachel: Okay..Okay.. Look. Im sorry that I lied to you before. You were right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.
Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over!
Monica: Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes. Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
Chandler: (incredulous) I dont know what thats like?! Up until I was 25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Monica: No, too late. You can't give it back! (she pushes the painting back to Rachel)
[Scene: Stings Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Stings wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Nurse: Its all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but dont worry. Itll happen.
Ross: Hey, you're not naked! So hey, Rach, when will we expect to see you tonight?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Monica: Good. (To Chandler) Uh honey, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
[Scene: We cut back to the present. The reunion where Chandler and Ross are talking.]
Rachel: I am so proud of Joey, I can't believe he's going to be on Law & Order!
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
Phoebe: Because I cared enough to lie!
Rachel: But I dont, hmm... (on phone) Oh, who approved that order?! (listens) Well there is no Mark Robbinson in this office. (to Sophie) Get me Mark on the phone!
Chandler: How long it took to go back in the water?
Rachel: Ok, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground.
Joey: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! (He glares at Chandler.)
Monica: Okay, Im never gonna wear them again. I just didnt get a chance to say goodbye.
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, Im talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Rachel: No Yeah, all the time, constantly. It's terrifying. But you know that I figure it it has to work out.