words in movies
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Rachel: (to Monica) Did you know he was in there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?
Chandler: No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Monica: You've got to be smooth about it.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: Okay. (Walks back to Monica)
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
Chandler: (walks up to the Maitre d') Excuse me...
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Hey! (she sits down next to him)
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Phoebe: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here
Rachel: Oh, I would love to!
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good. (She runs to the drums and gets the sticks)
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I uh, you gotta have something.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: (to Monica) Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: (to Monica) You wanna wander in the hall? (to Ben) Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
[They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices]
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Rachel: (returning) Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms?
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Startin to feel her again there are we?
Rachel: Oh please, I hate packing, its closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, Im really gonna miss living with you.
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
(They both go over to light the candles.)
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, Im sorry, I didnt.... I dont mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
JOEY: No, no, no.� When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . .� courtside!
Rachel: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
Rachel: Yeah I dont think dressing provocatively is going to help me here! Oh my god just please take her.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar?
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Doctor Connelly: I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week but I wanted to talk to you about your options.
Monica: My God, I cant believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were inseparable!
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
(Camera pans back to group in living room)
Rachel: Hello! (Listens) Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! (To Phoebe) It's Chandler.
Ross: Sure. (He opens the door to Joey. Needless to say, Joey's stunned.) Joey
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if hes giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I cant do it. I cant do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.)
RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?
MONICA: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon and Emma and Shannon Cooper.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
Monica: (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know that, if its positive, were gonna
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
(they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
(Rachel goes to her room.)
Joey: Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four pick out their keys and leave them as well.)
Phoebe: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Monica: Hey, you better hope that we're pregnant, because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel.
Chandler: Because you kept talking to him while he was trying to go to the bathroom?!
Monica: Well, my breasts are going to get bigger weather you like it or not! And you know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger too.
Joey: But I counted, you're not supposed to live here! Oh man! (Runs away.)
CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.
Monica: Yeah that, plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything!
Phoebe: No! Joey, youre going to be great!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are getting ready to go on their honeymoon. Monica is entering from the bedroom.]
Joey: Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it youre right where you dont want to be! Back together!
Monica: All right, I know youre hurting, and-and I want to be supportive, but dont say that again.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.]
Rachel: Yeah. Just to be sure I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
Rachel: (now looking up at the ceiling) That is hard to say, Ross. That is hard to say.
Rachel: So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?
Ross: Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okayIm scared for my health!
Phoebe: All right, stop it. Now youre just doing it to freak me out.
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
Mark: Hey, what do you want to drink?
(As the camera passes by, they start to dance really rigid, but the camera is facing the other way.)
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Heres a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Monica: Ohhh, I knew you loved her! Then you need to go to the airport and tell her. Youre probably just gonna catch her just as shes about to go to the gate. Youre gonna call out her name and say, "I love you!" And shes gonna say, "I love you, too!" And you guys are going to have the most amazing kiss, everyone at the gate will applaud.
Phoebe: All right, dont freak out! Okay? I-I will help you. How long before you have to leave?
Joey: (to Lauren) In a minute!!
Rachel: Yeahbut come onListen, Im sorry I dont want to make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesnt believe me.
Monica: Thats a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
Chandler: Damn! (stands up) The tailpipes not hot enough to light this!
Ross: OK, I need to lie down.
Gene: "I'd like to go for a walk", uhm "scratch my belly".
Celia: Talk to me.
Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story!
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Monica: (still talking to the woman) All right, Ill do it just this once! But you cant tell anybody!
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Chandler: (To Rachel) Did you like me when we first met?
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
Ross: Show them to me!
Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this.
Laura: (laughing nervously) I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed...
Rachel: (to Ross): Loser?
Mr. Thompson: Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center.
Rachel: (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me?
MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?
Chandler: And thank you for explaining to us what escrow means... I've already forgotten what you said, but thank you.
Guru Saj: Oh, I think I see the problem. And Im afraid were gonna have to use a much stronger tool. (Ross gives him a What? look) Love.
Monica: Yknow what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!
Ross: (to Gary) He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him!
Chandler: It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now"... See, here's the thing: The corn rose were really a solution to your frizzy hair problem. And now that we're home, we don't have that problem anymore, so if you think about it... I hate them!
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) Its the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next weeks script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like theyre taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) Were not even shootin them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E!
David: Umm, anyway Do you want to have dinner tonight?
Ross: How great is this? You are already comfortable enough to look through my stuff. Oh, I am sorry Michelle, that�smy roommate, Rachel.
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Precious: He proposed to you? This is the worst birthday ever. (she starts to cry again)
The Doctor: Actually, giving birth to three babies isnt that different from giving birth to one.
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
[Scene: Ursula's apartment, Phoebe is about to break the bad news to her sister. She knocks on the door.]
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachels, who is now showing, stomach.]
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.
Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! Theyre buying me drinks! Theyre giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight?
Judy:(to Jack) Jack, look at this.
Estelle: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.