words in movies
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Rachel: (to Monica) Did you know he was in there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?
Chandler: No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Monica: You've got to be smooth about it.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: Okay. (Walks back to Monica)
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
Chandler: (walks up to the Maitre d') Excuse me...
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Hey! (she sits down next to him)
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Phoebe: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here
Rachel: Oh, I would love to!
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good. (She runs to the drums and gets the sticks)
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I uh, you gotta have something.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: (to Monica) Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: (to Monica) You wanna wander in the hall? (to Ben) Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
[They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices]
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Rachel: (returning) Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms?
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Startin to feel her again there are we?
Rachel: Oh please, I hate packing, its closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, Im really gonna miss living with you.
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
(They both go over to light the candles.)
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh, youre nice to her.
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Rachel: Well, we are ready to try anything.
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.)
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
(Rachel turns her head to Ross and Phoebe and mouths, "No way.")
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Ross: I love when you talk dirty to me.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Whos that?
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Ross: (to him) Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?!
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: Why not? Youll feel better! Ill feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.
Amy turns around to Phoebe: Emma, Ross wants you.
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Phoebe: Thank you. (Starts to exit.)
(Joey starts to leave, but stops.)
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. Theres....been a fire.
Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn�t worry, they shan�t be long.
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the babys ears!
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)
Paul: Nope! That never happened to me!
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
(Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.)
Joey: No they cant! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Rachel: Here. (Hands her to Monica.)
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Rachel: Well what are we going to do?
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Chandler: (entering) Hey Phoebe! (To Rachel) Fatty!
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Monica: No, Ive had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
[Fade to black.]
Ross: Hey Joey. (To Rachel) Hey you.
Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.
Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you.
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I havent felt my feet in years!
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him?
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, Im going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, Im going to do the whole city.
Monica: (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars?
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]