words in movies
Chandler: Buh-bye. (Hangs up the phone) I just got us reservations at Michelles and tickets to the Musicman to celebrate our first holiday season as a betroughed couple.
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
Ross: Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every year, but I think I wanna take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.
Rachel: (to Monica) Did you know he was in there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting a cup of coffee and sits down next to Monica.]
Chandler: Hey, you know what I was thinking? When we get married, are you gonna change your last name to Bing?
Chandler: No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now.
Monica: Phoebe, don't worry about it. I'm sure she wants to live with you.
Phoebe: Probably? Yeah, I don't like that word. (Chandler and Monica look surprised) Kind of what probably really means. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, oh, "Your mom probably won't kill herself," yknow? I'm sorry, but I'm not hanging all my hopes of Rachel and I living together on-on "Probably!" Yknow? You gotta take care of yourselves! (She starts to walk out) In this world history teaches us nothing! (Exits)
Chandler: (to the Maitre d') Hi, could we get two burritos to go, please? (Laughs.)
Monica: I'm sorry. But not that sorry, 'cause you don't have to live with it. Um, we have a reservation under the name Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Forty-five minutes? We have tickets to the Musicman at 8:00.
Monica: (pulling Chandler away from the Maitre d') You need to give him money.
Monica: No, to get a table! Places like are always shakin you down. Everybody wants to be paid off.
Monica: You've got to be smooth about it.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: Okay. (Walks back to Monica)
Ross: Yes, but also (Pauses to let Ben answer, but he doesnt.) Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish, and-and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
[Scene: Michelle's, Chandler and Monica are discussing how to bribe the Maitre d'.]
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
Chandler: (walks up to the Maitre d') Excuse me...
[Chandler can't find his money in the pocket. In the meantime, another couple shows up, and Chandler turns away to look for his money]
Male Guest: (to the Maitre d') Good evening. (Shakes his hand)
Chandler: (finds his money) Ahh-hahaha! (Turns around to give the Maitre d' his money, but he isn't there anymore)
Joey: Hey-hey, Pheebs, check it out, we already learned a song. (To Rachel) Ready? One, two, three, four...
Chandler: Thank you Gunther, put it there. (He gets up, and shakes Gunther's hand. A bunch of coins fall out his hand. He sits down next to Monica.) Definitely not easier with coins. (Joey gets up and picks up the coins. Chandler thinks, Joey is just helping him to pick them up.) Thank you.
Phoebe: Hey! (she sits down next to him)
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
Monica: Phoebe, you got Joey drums to annoy Rachel, so she wouldn't wanna live there anymore?
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Rachel: Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try and drive me out of the apartment? Honey, if you wanted to do that, you might as well just gotten him a fish, you know how fish freaked me out!
Phoebe: Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me, but okay, if you're having so much fun over here
Rachel: Oh, I would love to!
Rachel: Good, good, good, good, good. (She runs to the drums and gets the sticks)
Phoebe: Great, all right, okay, and Monica ask me to make the drumming stop.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Salesman: Hello, Sir. You're here to return those pants?
Ross: Okay look, do-do, you have anything Christmassy? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him, um, come on, I uh, you gotta have something.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica has just opened the door for Ross who is costumed as an Armadillo. Ben is standing next to her.]
Ross: I'm the holiday armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you (Points to Ben) a Merry Christmas!
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: (to Monica) Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico! But, Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben. (He tries to bend down to pick up the bag with the presents, but can't because of the costume) Maybe the Lady will help me with these presents.
Ross: (to Monica) You wanna wander in the hall? (to Ben) Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the festival of lights?
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird turtle-man?
Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?
Chandler: You bet I did, Ben, put it there! (He shakes Ben's hand, but the money falls out of his hands) (to Monica) Well, it would have worked this time, if his hands weren't so damn small! (Realizes, that Ben is standing right there) Ho, ho, ho!
[They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices]
Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?
Chandler: But I didn't get to shape my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night? (She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling Chandler's beard.)
Ross: Okay Ben, Santa has to go. Say good-bye!
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
(Ross mouths to Chandler, "Thank you," and he mouths, "Youre welcome," back.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, they are entering to check out the newly refurbished apartment.]
Rachel: (returning) Okay, remember uh, remember how you told me that your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms?
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Phoebe: Well, I guess well just have to put the wall back up.
Phoebe: Theres a skylight?! (Runs to see and yells from the bedroom.) Wow!!
Rachel: Oh yeah? Startin to feel her again there are we?
Rachel: Oh please, I hate packing, its closer to work, and we do have fun. Although, Im really gonna miss living with you.
Rachel: I know. (They hug.) Oh-oh, wait did you hear that-hear that? Listen, Im gettin something from your grandmother, she said that since you get to keep the one bedroom apartment you should give Rachel the purple chair?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part! Okay Ben, its time to light the Hanukkah candles! (Santa, Superman, Monica, Ben, and the Holiday Armadillo go over to the menorah to light the candles.)
(They both go over to light the candles.)
(Joey throws open his door and stands there still in the Superman costume then slowly makes his way to the bathroom while keeping both eyes on the cage.)
Chandler: No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you let this go, youre going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.
Monica: Okay, but wouldnt it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.
Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
Cynthia: God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out.
Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Monica: Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.
Morse: You see, thats why I did so bad on this test. Im having a hard time concentrating. When youre up there (Points to the podium) and youre teaching and your face gets all serious you look so good. (In a sexy voice) You wear that tight little turtleneck sweater
The Interviewer: I really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Monica: You know how much I love listening to your music, you know, but...
Chandler: I dont want to look.
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, Ive written it all down!
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks shes like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Rachel: I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind: I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna kiss Joey.
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Chandler: Oh, its so hard to care when youre this relaxed.
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year?
Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Kate: Hi, nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
Joey: Yeah, hes the reason I didnt get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Rachel: Okay, well then how about puberty! Come on, thats always a painful time! Yknow your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while youre sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! Im serious this time! In-in fact, look, theres aI wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, yknow, thank you for being such a great roommate.
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Ross: Oh, and Chandler and I have this stupid college alumni thing. I can't believe you get to meet Donny Osmond.
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
Ross: (To Joey) Thanks man.
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
The Flight Attendant: (to another passenger) Welcome to Las Vegas.
Joey: Yeah! All rightLook, I know sometimes itll be hard, okay? But, itll also be really really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.
Rachel: Sure! That sounds great! Just leave me a message and tell me where to meet you. Okay? (Walks away.)
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?
Ross: Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) Youre gonna say things now, arent ya?
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)
PHOEBE: She wants to meet you in person.
Joey: Well Im not proud of this, but (He turns around and starts to mess with his eyelids.)
[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.]
Ross: No, youve heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And Im not going to tell you what song Im gonna play either. But uh, lets just say when its over Ill bet there will be a we bit o celebration.
Rachel: (starts to cry) Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Joshua: Thanks. (He starts to leave) Maybe Ill see in the spring, with the uh, yknow, for the uh, bathing suits.
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
Mr. Burgin: Well, were starving, why dont we all go get something to eat?
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad?
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
Rachel: You could.... say youre sorry to her mom.
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .
MONICA: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
Ross: No seriously. I have job security for life. You know, I never have to worry. (Rachel starts crying) Oh, look at you. Look how happy you are for me.
Joey: Wow! Maybe uh, maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better.
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
Rachel: Ahh, I dont believe you. I think you dont want them to see you begging me. (Goes to put the tape in the VCR)
Joey: I don't know. But I can see through your sheet. (He looks out the window.) Yeah, yeah, that's her. But y'know what? Doesn't matter, I'm never gonna get to meet her anyway.
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
[cut to Phoebe and Rachel as Monica returns from the bathroom]
Ross: (to Caitlin) Hey uh, y'know that smell gas has?
Chandler: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
Monica: Honey, listen... You have nothing to worry about with Geoffrey.
[Scene: Rachel's room. Rachel is attending to Emma. Amy is standing behind her.]
Ross: oh boy you got mad at that part. I went over there to tell him how great you are but you know me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I ended up telling him that.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
Rachel: Oh really? So youre saying they just slid out of your bottom drawer, crawled across the floor, then jumped on to my desk?! (I think Dogbert should have a line here.)
Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.