words in movies
Jay Leno: (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Chandler: (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy New Year!
Ross: (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
Phoebe: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.
Phoebe: Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Ross: What, to blind my child?
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Joey: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Joey: And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Joey: I'm not listening to you!
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
[Scene: Elizabeth's apartment; Elizabeth is inquiring as to the delay in Ross's exit from her bathroom.]
Elizabeth: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Joey: Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. (After a short pause she hands him her guitar.) You really think I'm ready?
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Joey: Now? You want me to go over there now?
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Joey: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Ross: (to Rachel) Oh, youre nice to her.
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Rachel: Well, we are ready to try anything.
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.)
Joey: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell ya. (To Chandler) I'm sorry man.
Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
(Rachel turns her head to Ross and Phoebe and mouths, "No way.")
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Chandler: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you.
Joey: (to the waiter) Hey! Are those crab cakes? (The waiter nods) Did I not tell ya to come straight to me when more crab cakes were ready?
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Ross: I love when you talk dirty to me.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
(Chandler starts to follow her into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
The Bass Barber: It's nice to have a boyfriend.
Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
Joey: Well hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff, right?
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey. Whos that?
Joey: God. Hes crazy! Why doesnt he want to be with Rachel?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Chandler: Sounds good to me... but what would a guy think?
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Ross: (to him) Hey! You wanna live to see your baby?!
Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job.
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Ross: Alright, ok, let's do it. (Ross sits down at the desk and they all gather around him) Uhm, I know we start by discussing the shortcomings of carbon dating... uhm, and then, then I move on to what is clearly the defining moment of the Mesozoic era, the breakup of Pangea, hello! (Rachel and Joey look confused) And then, there's the... eh... there's the overview of the Triassic.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)
Joey: Why not? Youll feel better! Ill feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.
Amy turns around to Phoebe: Emma, Ross wants you.
Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise?
Mr. Geller: I think I accidentally used Monicas boxes to keep the water away from the Porsche.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
Phoebe: Thank you. (Starts to exit.)
(Joey starts to leave, but stops.)
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
Monica: Umm, wait! Do you want to set the mood a little?
Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy.
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
Phoebe: Yeah. But Sergei said it took the Germans six weeks to get all the way across it.
Monica: (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. Theres....been a fire.
Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn�t worry, they shan�t be long.
(He starts to exit, but Chandler tries to stop him by climbing on his back and grabbing hold of the foosball table.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Ross: (To Rachel) Squeeze your legs together and cover the babys ears!
Joey: (lying on a beach towel, recapping what happened in the last episode) Okay, so we went to the beach, because Phoebe found out about this lady who knew her mom and dad, and I dont really know what happened with that.
(Ross shrugs his shoulders to Rachel and Sick Bastard closes the screen all the way.)
Paul: Nope! That never happened to me!
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma.
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Ross: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
Monica: Yknow I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over
Rachel: Well, how can you be a tour guide, dont you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?
(Dr. Long hands her to Rachel.)
Joey: No they cant! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She hands the phone to Chandler.)
Rachel: Here. (Hands her to Monica.)
Rachel: Well what are we going to do?
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
Chandler: (entering) Hey Phoebe! (To Rachel) Fatty!
Chandler: What?! Its not right! Were not ready to have a kid now!!
Monica: No, Ive had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: And if not, we got to do it on a bucket.
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Chandler: Made a few calls, pulled some strings, and they agreed to seat us at 11:30 if we both had the chicken and didn't get desert.
[Fade to black.]
Ross: Hey Joey. (To Rachel) Hey you.
Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious.
Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you.
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...
Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond.
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I havent felt my feet in years!
Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously?
Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him?
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, Im going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, Im going to do the whole city.
Monica: (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars?
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
Phoebe: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so.