words in movies
Jay Leno: (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Chandler: (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy New Year!
Ross: (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
Phoebe: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.
Phoebe: Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Ross: What, to blind my child?
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Joey: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Joey: And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Joey: I'm not listening to you!
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
[Scene: Elizabeth's apartment; Elizabeth is inquiring as to the delay in Ross's exit from her bathroom.]
Elizabeth: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Joey: Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. (After a short pause she hands him her guitar.) You really think I'm ready?
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Joey: Now? You want me to go over there now?
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Joey: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! Its not like I choose to do it! Its not likeIts not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!"
Jill: You dont want him, but you dont want me to have him?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Ross: Yknow we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby thats half human and half pure evil!
Ross: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.
Joey: I dont know how to play Cups.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
[Cut to the Men's room. Chandler is practicing flashing his badge as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You dont hire an assistant because theyre cute, you hire them because theyre qualified.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Emily: I realize that people are going to be disappointed. But, Im sure theyll come back when we can do it right.
Monica: No, a guy would be saying, "Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else." Oh my God! Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! Ive been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that Id be giving up! I mean, I Im never gonna have a first kiss again.
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!
Ross: Well, oh, Im sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but Im a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?
Chandler: (on the phone) "Look, this is ridiculous! I'm not paying for that room! Ok?" (pause) "Oh, thank you very much!" (hangs up) Yeah, I'm going to Vermont...
Chandler: I mean, You wouldn't want any part of me to get any bigger would you? Don't answer that.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, the middle of the night, there is someone knocking on the door and Monica and Chandler get up to answer it.]
Joey: (to a table of strangers) You guys need anything, cause Im heading up there.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Ross: (to himself) Not nice enough.
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Guru Saj: Hmm, let me see. Let me see. Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Ross: (on the phone) Hello? (Listens.) No she cant come to the phone right now. (Listens.) Oh, right no problem. Okay, bye-bye. (Hangs up.)
Monica: He used to lock himself in the basement for hours. No one was every allowed to hear, "The Sound."
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!
Charlton Heston: Hello! Whos in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
[cut to Monica and Rachels.]
Monica: Yeah, they were just slowing me down. Alright, I have to get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.
Phoebe: I-I cant find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! Im telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cakeooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!
[cut to the girls huddle]
Rachel: To be nice.
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
Ross: Phoebe, you cant get out of this! Okay? You have to learn how to ride a bike!
Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I dont know how to talk to you.
(Cut to Chandler)
Joey: Weve got a box. (Motions to a large wooden box next to him.)
Joey: Did you tell the guy you wanted to have sex with his wife and then fall right out of your chair?
Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.
(Cut to Ross and Monica)
The Director: Oh thats great! Okay, well Ive heard everything I need to hear. I just need to uh, Leslie
Monica: Yeah, well you call her and tell her that yknow when we were kids her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadnt have stopped her, there probably wouldnt even be a wedding to go too.
Monica: Well I didnt want everyone to think I was stupid.
Katie: Hey, where are we going to lunch?
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Chandler: Yknow what? Theres some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up?
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
Rachel: (looks around for the camera) Okay. Umm, well, first I would like to start by apologizing for kissing you and uh, for yelling at you.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]
Ross: So is everybody here? I got here a little early myself. Let us begin. Now, the hydrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations. (He moves to the map and we see why he made it to class on time, hes wearing in-line skates and hasnt taken them off.) Here. (Points to the map, somewhere in the Middle East, then spins on the skates and points to the map.) Here. (China.) Now as for the hydrosaurs
Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'
Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China.
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Monica: I thought you said you were going to do nothing.
PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Rachel: (to Ross) Tell him.
Monica's Boyfriend: Yknow what honey? I got to get back to the hospital.
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Rachel: Excellent! Stick it in the ice bucket, the phone is off the hook, and in the interest of powering through (Starts to remove her bra from under her clothes)...
MONICA: Ya know, you had no right to go out with him.
[cut to later in the same scene]
Chandler: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
Monica: I think Ill help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel, and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
(They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats.)
Chandler: Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window.
Ross: LookOkay, Im just gonnaIm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay?
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?
Chandler: There's this thing I really want us to do. I read about it in Maxim...
Rachel: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
Doctor: Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!!
Joey: (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?