words in movies
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Monica: (To Rachel) Oh, are the drapes still closed hon?
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.
Ross: Anyway, if she, if she wasnt in to me, why-why would she ask me out again?
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Monica: Chandler theres nothing wrong with crying! I mean you dont have to be so macho all the time.
Phoebe: All right, whats going on there? (Points to a picture.)
Chandler: Oh they didnt want to come!
Phoebe: Oh youre my biggest fan? Ive always wanted to meet you! Hi! (Shakes his hand.) Sure! Yeah! (Signs the autograph)
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
Joey: (to the fan) So, you saw me on Days Of Our Lives huh? Want me to, want me to do a little Dr. Drake Remoray for ya?
Rachel: Ohhh well. Yknow what honey? The best thing to do to get over a guy is to start dating someone else. Oh! There is this great guy you will love at work named Bob! Hes a real up-and-comer in Human Resources.
Jill: Yknow, thanks for trying to cheer me up, but Im not gonna date some random guy from your work.
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Jill: You dont want him, but you dont want me to have him?
Jill: Hey! You have no right to tell me what to do.
Rachel: Im not telling you what to do! I am telling you what not to do!
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is ranting about Jill to Chandler and Monica.]
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
The Vampire: Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake into my dark places?
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
Rachel: Well its hard to tell (Rachel gets up to get a closer look, only shes having some trouble.) Oh God, if she would just stop moving.
Joey: (sitting at the kitchen table with his back to the TV) You sick bastards!
Chandler: Hey! (He quickly tries to hide the book by throwing it under the couch, only the couch has no back and it slides into the kitchen.)
Chandler: Theres no back to this couch!
Monica: I wont care, because I know you will be feeling it all in here. (Points to her heart.)
Monica: Yeah! And if, and if we have a baby one-day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room and you dont cry, so what! And-and-and, and if we take him to college and come home and see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing, it wont matter to me.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his doorbell is ringing and hes running to answer it while doing up his pants.]
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Jill: Rachel and I had a really big fight, can I come in? I-I mean I know were not supposed to see each other anymore and Im okay with that, its just that I dont know anybody in the city and I really need somebody to talk to about it.
Jill: (entering) I dont want to talk about it.
Ross: Well, Id love to! Here, you wait right here and Ill go get the projector and my notes!
(He goes into another room to get his projector and notes. While hes gone, Jill quickly checks her makeup.
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
Jill: Oh great! (Goes to get it as the phone rings.)
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Phoebe: No! No! I just went to pick up Phoebe Buffays checks; there were a lot of them.
Phoebe: Um-mmm, and I wont have to go there anymore because I gave them my correct address.
Phoebe: Oh no! No! I know how to handle it.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Chandler: (To Monica) Maybe we should give them some privacy.
Monica: (To Chandler) Shhhh!!!
Ross: Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?
Rachel: Well, it doesnt sound like it! I mean, its pretty easy not to kiss someone, you just dont kiss them! See look at us, right now, not kissing!
Rachel: Yeah thats right you werent thinking! Yknow what? Let me give you something to think about! (She pulls up her sleeves and steps towards him.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Ross: No, I mean, look I dont know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I dont want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
Rachel: Wow. I, I dont even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Rachel: Oh, why do you even bother? I already ruined her first birthday... And do you know how important these early experiences are Ross? Very! According to the back cover of that book that you gave me.
The Museum Official: (To Monica) May I help you?
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Phoebe: (interrupts her, to Monica) Shh, wait and see. Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Chandler: It's up to you.
Chandler: (to Clunkers) It is so good to see you!
Joey: Oh, really? You know what your great friend did? We're out to dinner, ok? (he starts talking about the date and we can see what happened through a flashback video) We're getting along, having a really nice time. I was thinking she was really cool. And then, out of nowhere...
Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Chandler: Well, why does she not want to hang out with us?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is saying good-bye to her boyfriend Jake at the door to Central Perk.]
(Rachel goes to the fridge, opens it, and blows on the whistle Monica gave her at the store, which causes Phoebe and Monica to turn around and look at her.)
Ross: Delaware! (Starting to cry.) Delaware!
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?!
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Ben: (To Chandler) Thanks daddy.
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
(When Rachel starts to look under the bed if Joey would fit under there, Chandler opens the door inbetween the rooms, grabs Joey by his shirt and drags him to his room, and closes the door again)
Monica: Okay, Ill rest. But yknow if Im going to bed, then youre coming with me.
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
The Interviewer: So umm, now back to the show. How does it feel to have a huge gay fan base?
Monica: Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?!
Rachel: What the... DIAL IT DOWN! (Joey goes to sit on the bed) Listen, ok, and maybe they're crazy thoughts, but sometimes I do, I have, I've been thinking about... you know, us! (looks at Joey, who's totally distraught) Ok, dial it up a little!
Rachel: Well, Im really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see resultsWhoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.
[Cut back to Joey in bed, he's smiling, enjoying the dream as he wakes up. Suddenly, he realized what he was dreaming about and bolts upright in bed.]
Rachel: And I also wanted you guys to know that I am telling the father today. (They all look at her expectantly) What? What? What?
CHANDLER: Well, you want me to uh, clench anything, or-... Susie? Susie.
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
(They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.)
Rachel: Yeah, and also we need more umm, drinks. Hold on a second. (Gets up but stumbles a little bit.) Whup, okay. (She makes it to the phone and picks it up, without dialing.) Hello! Vegas? Yeah, we would like some more alcohol, and y'know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Ohh, I forgot to dial!
Joey: (about to cry) Those two only had each other!
Ross: This is perfect! She'll have to come back here with your pizza, and when she does, I'll turn on the Charm-O-Ross. Oh I'm so glad you don't eat meat.
CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.
Phoebe: No, no, no! Don't call her! You wait for her to call you (Joey considers it)
Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really wouldve wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was.
Joey: Yeah right! (Gets up for a refill to his snow cone.)
Phoebe: Why? Why do I have to learn?
Gary: Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said, "Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone. Does that sound at all possible to you?
Phoebe: Oh, it's a key. To be honest, I think I'd prefer the five dollars.
Monica: Its not like I want to get married tomorrow! Its just that I-Id like to believe that Im in a relationship thats actually going somewhere, that Im not just wasting my time!
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow! How long were we arguing for?
Ross: Rach, you don't have to call whenever you have a little question, okay? Trust me, I know this.
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
Lauren: I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Doug: (coming out of his office) Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Phoebe: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. (Starts to leave.)
Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I justI want you to be happy
Monica: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I dont want you to get hurt, cause I kinda like you.
Monica: (To Chandler) Thank you.
Phoebe Sr.: No, Im not done. I-I-I just want you to know that I, the reason I didnt look you up was, well I was afraid that youd react, just well like, the way, the way youre reacting right now, and cant we just, y'know, start from here?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? (Imitating what his famous speech would sound like.) I kinda have a dream! I dont want to talk about it.
Monica: Heres your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.)
Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go?
Chandler: No! No, she didn't say that. I-I-I think you should talk to Monica now.
Joey: Well that thing is clearing in the way! All right. Ah-ha! (He grabs a screwdriver and starts to attack the compressor, only he causes a small short circuit and shocks himself.) Ah-ah!! Damn fridge!
Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.
MONICA: And some of us really have to pee.
Chandler: Okay. (Walks back to Monica)
(Ross walks over to her and starts to kiss her passionately. After a while Rachel backs out. She thinks a while and starts kissing him back.)
Chandler: Richard used to do it, didn't he?
Joey: Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, Ive been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldnt keep flying off!
(Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.)
Ross: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?
Mona: Oh yeah, probably at the end. (Flips to the end.) Oh my God! He only took pictures of my breasts!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Phoebe: (to Paulo) Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.
Rachel: Oh, I would love to!
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! You know how much I love that kid! (starts to chase Ross around the living room)
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on! (Ross goes over to the counte) (to Chandler) So uh, what did you find out?
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I justy'knowstop it!
Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)
Phoebe: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone wants to have a green one! Im sorry, Im sorry, I didnt mean to get so emotional, I guess its just the holidays, its hard.
[Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.]
Monica: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
Ben: No! Why does he have to go?
Joey: Fine! All right, Ill do it. But hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I yknow, start to say something stupid.
Rachel: Look, I know that you guys really want to get to Vermont and this isn't a really big deal to you, but it really is to us, ok? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Phoebe: Yeah that's right you are so busted. (To no one in particular.) Book 'em.
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you .