words in movies
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you.
MONICA: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
Rachel: Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)
Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave)
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
Phoebe: (Under her breath) God, I woke the beast. Sorry. (To Monica) I was wrong obviously, I justI misspoke. It's okay.
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Monica: Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite?
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.]
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Ross: Then dont. Stay here. Just dont go so soon to London, just one more day.
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
Ross: (To Chandler) Dude, that reverse lay-up! Oh
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
PHOEBE: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good, here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say.
Cecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that Ive been playing for 20 yearsIll give you a tip! (She throws her drink in his face.)
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in one of the black chairs, and turns to face the other one.]
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Monica: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?
Mr. Geller: Happy birthday, sweetie! Give us a hug! (Starts to get up.)
Joey: Oh yeah? (To Phoebe) Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you.
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Ross: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.
Joey: Hey, dont start judging me! (To Rachel) Huh? Youre the one whos in love with her assistant! (To Phoebe) Huh? And you, youre the one having the affair with the guy who keeps the pigeons on the roof!
Ross: Well, it turns out that she is going to Daytona for spring break woo-hoo. That means, that means wet T-shirt contests, guys doing shots off of girls bodies, waking up next to people you dont even know
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.
Monica: You have to go to London!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Monica: So I don't have to sing and I can just sit there and pass judgments on others?
Rachel: Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute! (Motions for him to follow her lead, but he angrily shakes his head no. So she pokes him.)
Joey: Totally! I would love to spend New Years with you.
Joey: How did she get me to settle down?
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Monica: All right, I'll try not to.
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)
Phoebe: (to Joey) Ooh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Rachel: I know, but all that work youre doing to get it ready, I just (goes into her bedroom.)
Rachel: Yes! Id love to! Have her come by the office.
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So
Rachel: Oh yeah? Startin to feel her again there are we?
Benjamin: (to Ross) Thank you! (to Charlie). I can't believe that you chose this restaurant! Do you remember the night?
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! Shes cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
The Casting Director: Well, the director thinks youre really right for the part and wants to meet you tomorrow.
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no Its okay, I mean Ilook Rach, I know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursdays thing, but we dont have to do that!
Chandler: (laughing) Okay we have to do something about your breath.
Chloe: (seeing Ross enter) Hey, its the dinosaur guy. (runs over to Ross) Hi, Ross.
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this.
[Cut back to the cast and Conan.]
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, youve got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Richard: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction.
Joey: (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from Kash.)
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Monica: (laughs) Youre still so funny. Youre so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
Rachel: man sharks. I always knew there was something weird about that dude. But you promised to love him no matter what.
Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement Im going to announce that Im pregnant!
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
Charlie: (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) Im gonna, Im gonna get my ah, my fianc�e man!
Rachel: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Joey: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesnt try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
Rachel: Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Phoebe: Im not gonna right to you! Thats not real!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Rachel: Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.