words in movies
Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Its really important to me, I mean its my mom!
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? Its today at four.
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Chandler: (To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is?
Ross: Im sorry, I dont believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.
Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. Thats good right?
Mrs. Green: Try. Theres my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Phoebe: No look, weve apologized twice! I cant do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.
[Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.]
Mrs. Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I dont want you to use your housekeeper cause it would just split her focus.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Joey: All right Ross youre in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe Im entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Chandler: I dont think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
Rachel: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We dont need no stinkin badges!"
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) Id like a Wicked Wango card!
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle!
Ross: Id like to spin the wheel!
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)
Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!
Joey: Now, over to Chandler.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
Mrs. Green: Im going to the bathroom.
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Joey: Well whats complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youre in Paradise Pond!
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Lets play Bamboozled!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Mrs. Green: Well then you really dont need me to live with you.
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Monica: (laughs) Youre still so funny. Youre so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Phoebe: Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, Id tell her off.
Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnt on purpose! But what youre during to me now is just plain spiteful!
Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Monica: Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink?
Phoebe: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. (Joins in on the hug.) Oh, I really needed that. (Goes and sits down.)
Chandler: Oh yknow what, I was already trying to trade for ah, well, you.
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you dont take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, Im just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.
[Cut to Gunther and Emily.]
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
Ross: once you know the stories, its not that bad. First marriage, wifes hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldnt allow you to get married when youre that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevadas fault.
Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her and Rachel looks disgusted)
(Just as they are about to pull away, a big, fat, bald guy pulls up in the exact same car as Ross and stops next to him.)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Ross: (trying to make his disgust into lust) Ah, Cheryl!
[Cut to Chandlers bedroom.]
Chandler: For your information, I was staring at her baby. We're about to be parents.
Jill: No! Yknow what Rachel? Youre right, yknow he has been really nice to me.
Joey: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since Im getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me
Tim: Hi, nice to meet you.
Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Ross: Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk?
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Joey: Hit me! (He does so.) Ohh man! (Joey busts and loses all the money, but when the dealer starts to collect the cards Joey notices something.) Wait! (He holds his hand next to the dealer's hand.)
Chandler: Secret? Married people arent supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another.
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
Chandler: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.
Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?
Janice: Hey you guys, umm do either one of you want to get in there before I take my bath.
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Janine: No, but you should go to Chandlers. Because none of us knows how to cook, well probably just end up drinking all day.
Phoebe: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?
Chandler: Thank you, Mister Drunken Gambler! Okay, you get this and uh, we get the biggest suite in the place! (Everyone cheers) Wait-wait-wait-wait! We (motions to Monica and him.) get the biggest suite in the place.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (Hugs her) Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.
(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.)
Monica: Yeah but see I have nothing to compare it too. So even if youre horrible, how would I know?
Ross: You know, I hate to lecture you guys, but it's kinda disgraceful, that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states. Did you ever see a map, or one of those round, colorful things called "a globe?" Hmm?
Ross: (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.
Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, Ill see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!
Rachel: (sarcastically) Really? Well, it seems to me if you'd done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed, I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Phoebe: No, back to happy. Back to happy!
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'
Ross: Good! Me neither! So its not a problem. Were just two friends who happen to be roommates.
Doctor: Ill be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime?
Erica: No! (To Monica) You we're right, that was fun! I'm gonna go finish packing.
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
(Rachel starts to leave.)
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Rachel: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? (To Phoebe, quietly) I know its really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Phoebe: So, Im here, ready to play.
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, Ill see you tonight.
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, he brought her back to his apartment.
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Monica: Ohhh! (Takes the plate.) No! This is my friend Rachel, we went to High School together.
Rachel: Alright, I can�t, I can�t wait that long. You have to do something�knock that door down!
(Ross starts to leave.)
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?!
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, lets, we kinda have to get going!
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. (throws chips in pot) What do you say... want to waste another buck?
Ross: Yeah. Shes putting her down now, thats her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.)
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.
Ross: So uh, Emily just went to the airport.
Rachel: Well, there was a disaster in shipping and Ive got to get this order in. Honey, Im so sorry, but it looks like Im gonna be here all night.
Joey: (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.
Rachel: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy....
Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
Joey: Uh, yeah, okay. Except I sorta felt like I needed a couple of seconds to get ready.
Monica: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies?
Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?
Rachel: Joey, youre gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You dont get any dessert.
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
Joey: (to Charlie) I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!
[cut to Monica opening the door of the beach house, with Chandler trying to pick her up for a date.]
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Mr. Treeger:: You want me to kick you guys out instead?
David: Well, it got me to New York anyway, and then I got on a cab at the airport, and the guy said where to? and I just... gave him your address I... I... I didn't even think about it.
[Cut to Emily, Devon, and Liam]
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Chip: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.
Monica: You know what Id love to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheeseNot even bread, just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. Ah, and pastries (Breathlessly) And pate. Oh, Im really not high, its just I used to be fat.
Rachel: Okay... aahhh... Please laugh for mommy... Please? Please laugh for mommy... (Rachel makes a funny face, sticking her tongue out, making a farting noise and using her hands as antlers, wiggling her fingers... No response from Emma...) Not funny huh? Oh so, is it... only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause mommy can rap... (Rachel tries to rap and makes weird movements with her arms in the process.) My name is mommy and I'm here to say / that all the babies are... Oh, I can't rap... Allright sweetheart... This is only because I love you so much, and I know that you're not gonna tell anybody... (Rachel's face is telling "Oh what am I doing? The things I have to go through... and she starts to rap) I like... big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... / when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face... (Emma starts to laugh) Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! Oohhhhh! Oh! (Rachel now really gets into it, and her insecure movements start getting better) I like big butts and I cannot lie... / You other brothers can't deny... Oh Emma you're laughing! Oh you are, you really do like big butts, don't you. Oh you beautiful little weirdo... (Rachel picks up Emma and Ross now enters)
Joey: Oh, Ive been there. Yeah, I am gonna go drive my Porsche. (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
Chandler: Okay now it doesnt matter which one you choose, yknow? Its completely up to you. Our guy is perfect, or you can go out with the guy Phoebe deemed not good enough to go out with herself.
Ross: Ive got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.
Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
Ross: Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.)
Rachel: I mean why, of all people would you want to go out with Chip?!