words in movies
Phoebe: About twenty, a couple people from work who had something else to do.
Rachel: What?! You mean theyre not coming to a social event where theres no men and theres no booze?! Thats shocking! I dont care, as long as my moms here.
Monica: Well, given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Its really important to me, I mean its my mom!
Monica: Go! I have it in my book. Go! (Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs. Green.) (To Phoebe) Wait a minute! If youre in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call herHello Mrs. Green! Hi, its Monica Geller.
Monica: (on phone) Hi, umm I know this is last minute, but weve decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today.
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? Its today at four.
Joey: Oh no, I cant go. Im practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.
Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Chandler: (To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is?
Ross: Im sorry, I dont believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.
Phoebe: Oh, I told the stripper to be here at five. Thats good right?
Mrs. Green: Try. Theres my little girl. (Goes over to Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Phoebe: No look, weve apologized twice! I cant do anymore than that. I know you hate it when people are mad at you but you just have to be okay with it.
[Cut to Rachel and Mrs. Green.]
Mrs. Green: Oh my look at that. Only three weeks to go, now have you picked your nanny yet? Now I dont want you to use your housekeeper cause it would just split her focus.
Mrs. Green: Its like youre a cave person. Rachel, you must get a nanny. You dont know how overwhelming this is going to be. I mean when you were a baby I had full time help, I had Mrs. Kay.
Joey: All right Ross youre in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe Im entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Chandler: I dont think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower is continuing as Rachel walks over to Monica and Phoebe.]
Rachel: She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby.
Monica: I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me.
Rachel: What? You guys, come on! What am I going to do?
Phoebe: Well, if you dont want your mother to move in with you, just tell her.
Rachel: Youre right. Youre right. I mean Im about to have a baby, I can tell my mother that I dont want her to just be sleeping on my couch! Oh my God! Shes gonna want to sleep in my bed with me. This cannot happen!
Monica: Thats right. That is right, you go over there and tell her you dont want her to live with you. Do not take no for an answer!
Rachel: Okay. (She goes over to tell her mother.)
Monica: (To Phoebe) This is great! Now shes gonna be mad at Rachel! Yknow what? And Im just gonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Mrs. Green: Well uh, I dont have a gift because I wasnt invited until the last minute, but thank you so much for bringing that to everyones attention.
Rachel: He was a hamster! I am not going to vacuum up my baby!
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Mrs. Green: Plus, what are you planning on doing with the baby while youre trotting out to the garbage ten times a day?
Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We dont need no stinkin badges!"
Chandler: Id like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.
Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) Id like a Wicked Wango card!
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle!
Ross: Id like to spin the wheel!
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)
Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!
Joey: Now, over to Chandler.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
Mrs. Green: Im going to the bathroom.
Mrs. Green: Now dont worry! Everythings gonna be okay. (Hugs Rachel while she is standing and Rachel is sitting, seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs. Green from behind her back.)
Monica: It is going to be okay! (Mrs. Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica while she heads for the bathroom.) It was worth a shot.
Rachel: No. Shes going to live with us for eight weeks.
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, theyre gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, lets get the camera rolling.
Joey: (to the camera) Hello, Im Joey Tribbiani! Lets play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?
Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?
Joey: Well whats complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! Youre in Paradise Pond!
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Lets play Bamboozled!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Mrs. Green is telling Ross what needs to be done to baby proof his apartment.]
Ross: Thats a different issue. Uh, the point is, when the baby comes I will be there to to feed her and bathe her and change her. And more than that I want to do all those things.
Mrs. Green: Well then you really dont need me to live with you.
Ross: Oh, come on, every first time mother feels that way. Youllyoure gonna pick it up. (Rachel doesnt believe that.) Hey! You will! Uh look, yknow when you first came to the city? You were this spoiled helpless little girl who-who still used daddys credit card. Do you remember?
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Monica: (laughs) Youre still so funny. Youre so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?
Phoebe: Nothing! You have apologized to her like a million times and shes been nothing but terrible to you. And dont forget you just threw her daughter a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower, and she hasnt even thanked you for it.
Phoebe: Yeah I mean if you want to say anything to her, Id tell her off.
Monica: Okay! I will! Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green! (She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out into the hall with Phoebe in tow.) It is rude to leave a party without saying good-bye to the host! Yeah, and-and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it! Now what I did to you, it wasnt on purpose! But what youre during to me now is just plain spiteful!
Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Monica: Yeah could-could-could you get me something to drink?
The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them
Ross: Oh, you have some studying to do?
Mark: Clever. (back to Rachel) So how are you?
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Phoebe: Okay I cant let you do this! Shes lying to you.
Monica: Look, not that I enjoy talking about people who I went to high school with, cause I do, but umm, maybe we could talk about something else? Like you, I dont even know where you work?
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
[Scene: Phoebes Work, Ross is now trying to stop Jasmine from telling Phoebe.]
Rachel: Im gonna get back to retraining. (gets up)
Phoebe: Well, this is none of my business. (starts to walk away)
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)
{Transcriber's Note: Rachel has two friends that are not named, so I referred to them as Friend No. 1 and Friend No. 2.}
Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon!
Joey: I couldn't. He was saying all these really nice things about me. I didn't want him to get mad and take 'em all back. I'm on a edge on Chandler.
Monica: (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
(the bell sounds again, "2 to win" and "pizza toppings")
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Monica: Soon! I-I just couldnt before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldnt do that to her, shes my best friend!
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.
JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?
Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
Chandler: (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!
Erica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.
(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)
Phoebe: No!! No way! No! And stop using my name! And shame on you! (Yells into the apartment) And shame on all of you! Youre disgusting! Especially you (points to someone) with that! (Storms away.)
[Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachels room.]
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
Rachel: Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye... Oh!
Phoebe: (mouths to Chandler) Soul mate.
Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel.
Rachel: All right, yknow what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat? (She makes a move for the remote.)
Rachel: (entering from her room) Honey, we have to go. Our reservations are at 8:00.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, Ill love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Rachel: Well (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Rachel: Nice to meet you. (They shake hands.)
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
Gavin: What's Ross doing to you on that picture?
Jennifer: (to Lisa) Operation. You had a fun one.
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Chandler: (aside, to Ross) What!? They are totally ripping us off!
Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry but it's hard to believe that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it! (looking outside) See, there's something going on with them. Look, he's getting into the car with her!
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
"Whenever I get married, guess who wont get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!"
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Ross: Yeah well, he's not gonna get this one. Ben is way cuter than that kid. I mean look at him, look at you, (Starts to whine like a baby and Joey just glares at him.)
Mrs. Geller: Yeah, the list thatof people were allowed to sleep
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. (Showing them) Okay Rach, (points to the sketch) that's you. That's the couch. (Points again.)
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Hooker: Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. (Does the close sign.)
Joey: Yeah, sure! Sure! They would uh, they would scrub the floors with it! They would use it to get the mud off their shoe. And sometimes underneath the horse would get dirty so they would stick it right
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
Rachel: Look, If I dont get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
Rachel: No I wasnt! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Phoebe: Hey, maybe they meant to write, Quiet, bitch.
Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.)
Amy: Wait, this is important! Can Ella wait? (Rachel goes to Emma)
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Ross: (opens the door and to Whitney) Hi! Im sorry, but can you give me a second while I talk to this woman, who by the way did not spend the night.
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
Joey: Sure, I can hang out til I have to meet ya. (To Chandler) What uhHow come youre not going?
Director: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake.
Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Monica: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey: Good luck. (to Monica) And Im still right!
Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandros? Sure, but Id have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
Rachel: Thats easy for you to say, you werent almost just killed.
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some very important people to me. (singing:)
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, theyre all going through an old photo album.]
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
Rachel: Do we have to tell her?