words in movies
Rachel: (speaking to herself and reading Cosmopolitan) Oh, lucky me! Coffee and a live sex show!
Rachel: Oh... Oh, I'm sorry! I'm not... I was just-I was just reading to Emma.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah... It's... "climax your way to better skin".
Charlie: (to Joey) So, I have to go shopping today, which is my least favourite thing, I'm soo bad at picking out clothes!
Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.
Charlie: I'm sure you have better things to do.
Joey: Are you kidding? Rachel loves to shop! And she has great taste! Yeah, she's the one who taught me, you don't wear white after labour day and that you always, always, always have to put on underwear when you're trying on clothes.
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Phoebe: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!
Rachel: And you're gonna want him to eat his heart out so you're gonna have to look fabulous!
Monica: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!
Chandler: Oh, I can't believe my sperm have low motility because, let me tell you, when I was growing up they sure seem to be in a hurry to get places!!
Doctor Connelly: I'm sorry there wasn't better news from your test last week but I wanted to talk to you about your options.
Chandler: Is that a hint? Because we love you Doctor Connelly but we don't think we'd want you to be our child! (Dr. Connelly glares at him) Wow, talking about an inhospitable environment!
Rachel: Hi! Ok, you're ready to go pick up Phoebe and go shopping?
Joey: (to Charlie) Alright, have a good time. (they kiss)
Joey: Just... seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist... it's fun, yeah!
Charlie: He's a pretty tough guy to impress.
Ross: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him.
Ross: Tsz... NO! (he goes to sit down, dropping a multicoloured silk streamer off his sleeve).
Ross: Wait a minute, you guys. Oh, I wanna ask you something. I-I I may get to speak at this paleontology convention and if I do, I'd love for you guys to come and hear me.
Joey: So, I don't have to learn what that means?
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
(Joey moves close to Ross and whispers something in his ear)
Ross: (looking astonished) What? NO! I am not going to give them Ben!
[Scene: Professor Sherman's office, Ross is relating to Professor Sherman]
(Turns to look at Professor Sherman, only to discover that he is sleeping)
Shop assistant: (to a girl) Incentive For Men?
Phoebe: No, I know, this way when I go to the party later Mike will know I am over him cause I'm gonna smell like another guy. (to the shop assistant) Yeah.
Phoebe: Ok. Oh good, I'm dating a Russian cab driver. (to the shop assistant). Seriously does anyone buy this? I smell like beets!
Charlie: (to Rachel) So, you know what, I really like those jackets with the shoulder pads on them. Where do you think those would be?
Charlie: See, I told you I needed someone! Oh, you know, by the way, as a "thank you", I would really love to take you out.
Charlie: Yeah! Actually Joey and I are going to the movies tonight, wanna come?
Phoebe: (picks up a dress) Hey Rach, will you come with me to a dressing room?
(Phoebe and Rachel go off to the dressing rooms. They enter one and close the curtain.)
(Rachel opens the curtains and sees Charlie coming out from the dressing room just next to theirs)
Monica: Oh, of course, it's so nice to see you again, Zack!
Chandler: You guys haven't actually met before, but, boy! You're both polite! (pause) Go to have a seat Zack, and I'll get you a beer.
Chandler: (to Mon) So, Zack's pretty nice, uh?
Chandler: So, how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his!
Monica: Chandler, this is crazy! What did you even say to him! "Come up, meet my wife! Give us your sperm"!
Chandler: No, I invited him to dinner so you could get a chance to get to know him! I mean, if we go through a sperm bank you never meet the guy, get to check him out.
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Chandler: (bringing the beer to Zack) Zack!
Phoebe: (goes back in) I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
Phoebe: (comes out too) Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.
(A strange woman sticks her head out from a third changing cubicle to the far right)
Ross: Joey! Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
Joey: What!? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda!
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Ross: What am I supposed to do? He's out cold! In fact he was just talking in his sleep before and evidently he wants someone named Fran to spank him harder.
Ross: I can't! If he realizes that I'm the one that put him to sleep, I won't get the job!
Joey: Uh! That's a tough one. Oh! Wait a minute, this happened to me before! Yeah, I was auditioning for a play and the producer fell asleep and... (pause) no wait a minute... it was me who fell asleep... Yeah I mean hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while!?
Chandler: You know what's not funny? Male Pattern Baldness (Monica stretches her neck to look behind Zack's head and then gives Chandler an "ok" sign)
Rachel: Ok. (Phoebe starts to walk in the opposite direction though. Rachel sees and follows her) Wha...? where? Where are you going?
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
Rachel: (to Charlie) Hey, hi! Hey, where've you been?
Rachel: (pretends to be stunned) Oh! Wi... in the dres... in the dressing room!? Well, that's so weird! Phoebe and I were just trying on clothes in the dressing room. God it's just such a small world!
Charlie: No! There's nothing to explain. I heard you. Phoebe likes Joey.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Charlie: You know, by the way. I heard you tell her not to do anything. Thanks for sticking up for me. You are such a nice person.
(Ross takes his suitcase and tries to get out but ends up falling on Prof. Sherman's laps, thereby waking him up)
Ross: (To the still half asleep Professor) Oh my God! You really want me to be the keynote speaker? Thank you! (hugs him whilst still on his lap)
Phoebe: Are you sure? Because I'm really dreading going to this party.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
David: Well, remember how I was trying to achieve the positronic distillation of subatomic particles?
David: Yeah, I don't know why, I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't want to lose face.
David: Yeah, I know. Well... this is probably a stupid question, seeing that you look like that, but do you have some place that you need to be right now?
Phoebe: I'd love to.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's]
Zack: No it's just tiring having to figure out the age at which all my grandparents died. I'll see you tomorrow.
Monica: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else.
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!
Chandler: Look, I just wanted to apologize for last night. I got the feeling we made you a little uncomfortable.
Jeanette: (to Zack) Here are the boards for Friday's pitch (hands him something).
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, youve got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Richard: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction.
Joey: (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from Kash.)
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
Ross: Oh, Im actually on my way to tell her right now. Yeah, shes been away all week visiting her parents, but shell be cool. I mean, shes been so supportive. She-she even got the baby a tiny T-shirt that says, Fossils are my friends.
Monica: (laughs) Youre still so funny. Youre so funny. (To Phoebe) What do I do?
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Monica: So! So we've got to go upstairs and have a lot of sex to prove them wrong!
Rachel: man sharks. I always knew there was something weird about that dude. But you promised to love him no matter what.
Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement Im going to announce that Im pregnant!
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
Charlie: (to Gunther) Excuse me, I'm looking for someone. You don't, by any chance, know a Ross Geller?
Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) Im gonna, Im gonna get my ah, my fianc�e man!
Rachel: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
Phoebe: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Joey: Okay, so what are we going to do about this hand twin thing?!
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Chandler: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesnt try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.
(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)
Ross: I'd like to return this couch. I'm not satisfied with it.
Rachel: Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Phoebe: Im not gonna right to you! Thats not real!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Rachel: Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Frank: Oh, well y'know, I wouldve called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldnt find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
Phoebe: (to Joey) What, what are they talking about?
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.)
Monica: Cause I dont want to encourage this kind of behaviour.
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
[Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]
Chandler: Uh honey, I know you dont like to relinquish control
Joey: (To a co-worker) Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. (A customer walks by.) Bijan for men? (The customer ignores him, and Joey starts to chase him) Bijan for men?!
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Joey: (approvingly) Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing me.
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Joey: Are you going to do it?
Ross: I'm going to do it.
(Joey laughs nervously and goes to his bedroom.)
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.
Joey: Alright thanks, Oh hey have you talked to Chandler?
Ross: Well, Im gonna go see her. I want to bring her something, what do you think shell like?
Ross: Please take your time, its an important decision. Not like, say, I know! deciding to marry someone, this is about a muffin.
Rachel: And y'know what, Im gonna, Im gonna go to bed now, but ah, on my way to work tomorrow morning, Im gonna stop by around 8:30.
Chandler: (To Ross) Marry her.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
Rachel: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?!
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.
Janine: We have got to move!
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, Hey, the bell doesnt dismiss you, I dismiss you.
Monica: No its not! You want it, youre gonna have to win it!
MONICA: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
Phoebe: No. It starts with a "v" and ends with an "x". Helpfully with a "to" in the middle.
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Rachel: Oh thats five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesnt she want to come out?
(When they finish, they walk over to the director)
Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing here, weird...turtle-man?
Charlie: Oh, ah, isn't there another professor that is supposed to come with us?
Chandler: (To Monica and with bulging eyes) Why!?
(She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.)
Joey: Thank you all for coming. We're here today to pay respects to a wonderful agent and a beautiful woman... (Joey looks at the photograph) ..inside. As Estelle's only two clients we would like to say a few words. (Joey looks for his notes. The man next to him is chewing something.) Dude, where's my speech? (the man swallows something and looks at Joey.) That is entertaining. Al Zebooker everybody. (he applauds and Al shows that there's nothing left in his mouth.)
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Phoebe are there again, only now theyre not talking to each other. Phoebe is loudly stirring her coffee.]
Monica: I cannot believe that I just spent the last two days trying to figure out the recipe and it was in my cupboard the whole time!
MONICA: Chandler look, I don't want to be one of those wives who says, "You can't go to the game.� You have to spend time with me."� So, if you could just realize it on your own . . .
Joey: And thats just in the city. I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
Monica: Hey Phoebe. Hey, tell me what you think. All right. The house next door to the one that we're buying in Westchester? Just went on the market. I wanna take a look at it, but Chandler doesn't.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
Rachel: I dont care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Yknow what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school.
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves its entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isnt the play still going.
Rachel: No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.) Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!
Joey: Have a nice six more months Ross! (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?
Mr. Zelner: That's quite all right, but I feel obligated to tell you that this meeting is being videotaped.
Pete: Yeah, stupidly charming isnt it? Well listen lets, you wanna get something to eat? Cause this place is kinda depressing. (they start to leave)