words in movies
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
[cut to Monica telling the gang about what happened at Petes]
(Robin interrupts her again by complaining loudly to Billy as the camera cuts to them.)
[cut back to the gang.]
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Petes...
[cut to Billy and Robin]
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
[cut to the gang]
Monica: Forget it. (they all turn and listen to Billy and Robin)
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Billy: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and nobody else.
Joey: (to Billy) So youre the gynaecologist?
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Monica: He didnt ask me to marry him.
Monica: He wanted to tell me hes gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
Ross: Huh, whats fish hooking... (Joey sticks his finger in Rosss mouth and pulls on his cheek, y'know like when you hook a fish.) (to Joey, sarcastic) Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Chandler: Yes, but theres two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Doug: (to Chandler) You! Chuckles! Whats your name?
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
Ross: (on phone) Thats right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. (listens) Thank you. (hangs up) (to the gang) Yeah, we have the reservations.
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go! (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: Well, I didnt do anything. I didnt want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Monica: (to Chandler) Anything but stew.
Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, dont give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, dont turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: (to Ross and Monica) What if Joey were president?
Hoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?
Monica: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I dont want you to get hurt, cause I kinda like you.
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?
Rachel: This is Bonnie? (to Phoebe) This is Bonnie? (to Bonnie) Youre Bonnie?
Phoebe: (to Bonnie) Well I hope you have fun tonight.
(Phoebe starts to leave, Rachel slowly follows, shocked about how good Bonnie looks now.)
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Rachel: (to Phoebe) You said she was bald.
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
Chandler: (to his co-workers) What is with him?
Doug: (coming out of his office) Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Monica: (going up to the ring) Pete! Pete!! That guys pretty huge!
Pete: Dont worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponents strength and weight against him.
(Pete and Monica kiss, and Monica mouths I love you. to him.)
Referee: Here we go gentlemen, here we go! (to Tank Abbott) Are you ready? (He nods, and takes out his teeth) (to Pete) Are you ready? (Pete nods, Yes.) Lets get it on!!
(Tank carries Pete over to the other side of the ring, and we see both Ross and Monica wince in pain.)
[Scene: The Arena, after the fight. Monica is walking up to a defeated Pete.]
Monica: Hey! (she sits down next to him) Its me. Mon-i-ca! Can I just tell you how proud I am of you.
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Ross: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasnt expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasnt expecting to like anyone right now, but shes really terrific.
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Ross: Okay, well be right in. (to Chandler) So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Doug: Well, say no more. Y'know it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! Youre okay.
Chandler: Okay. (he starts to leave)
Doug: Ha! (goes to smack him on the butt, but stops, faking Chandler out) Ahhhhhhh!
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Rachel: Phoebe, we cant, we just cant just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
Phoebe: Well isnt he your friend? Dont you want him to be happy?
Rachel: I just y'know, I didnt expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh! (sits down on the curb)
Phoebe: (sits down next to her and hugs her) Oh no.
[Scene: A locker room, Pete is in a full upper-body cast. Monica enters, sees him, and gasps. Pete tries to turn around, and winces in pain.]
Pete: Its okay, its not as bad as it looks, its a precaution. Ah, Im not supposed to move my spine.
Monica: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!!
Monica: Well then, y'know what? I care about you to much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then youre gonna have to do it without me.
Pete: Well if youre asking me to quit, then youre asking me to be someone Im not. Ive got to do this.
Monica: Then Ive gotta go. Bye. (kisses him and starts to walk out)
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up (points to the chart), so Im happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. (They start to leave) Phil! Nice job. (smacks him on the butt) Stevens! Way to go! (smacks him on the butt) Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! (smacks him on the butt) (Chandler walks up) Bing! Good job, couldnt have done it without ya. (he shakes his hand)
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Joey: Check it out, hes winning! (to Monica) Petes winning!
Phoebe: Wait, if thats his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
Rachel: Hey, yknow, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know itll be Valentines Day, then my birthday, then bang!before you know it, theyre lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in) Yknow, I want a man!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it doesnt even have to be a big relationship, yknow, just like a fling would be great.
Ross: I dont think so. Hello? (Knocks on the glass, which angers the big, large, angry dog behind the glass and causes them to jump to the other side of the landing.) When you get in there (Joey nods his disapproval.)
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little Y'know, it didn't have any It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Phoebe: Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?
Monica: (to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasnt for fun.
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
Dr. Leedbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Rachel: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill...
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-
Joey: So, I don't have to learn what that means?
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Rachel: (stopping him) Wh-whoa! All right, okay-okay, I see, I see what's going on here! Now listen, look-look, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some hussy who will just sleep around to get ahead! Now even though I (He tries to interrupt and tell her about the ink), hey-hey-hey, even though I kissed you, that does not give you the right to demand sex from me. I do not want, this job that bad. Good day, sir. (She storms out of his office.)
Benjamin: Anyway, I've decided to offer you the grant.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Russell: And well need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
SUSIE: I'll be there, and who knows, if things go well, maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear.
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.
Ross: I know I am! (Ross now starts to cry) ...And when it's summer, and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare, just really freaked him out.
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys!
Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute?
Chandler: Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. (Phoebe giggles uncontrollably.) Are you okay?
(The door opens allowing the horde to charge in, knocking Rachel out of the way and to the ground.)
Chandler: No, you dont have to, and you cant because I live here too.
(As they walk out he motions to Chandler that he is still Ben's godfather.)
Tony: We dont have 50 bucks, but would you be willing to trade for it? Weve got a canoe.
Emily: Im just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there to watch Joey's first scene as Dr. Drake Remoray.]
Phoebe: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. Shes avoiding me, she doesnt want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she wont tell me.
Janice: Okay, Im going to need a comforter, but did you have a hypoallergenic one because otherwise I get very nasal. (Makes some weird sound) Do you have a cat? Cause its already happening. (Makes a nasal sound) Do you hear that? (She keeps making the nasal sound.)
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]
Chandler: Thats okay Pheebs, were not having a party or anything, so you dont have to get us
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Chandler: Yes-yes, I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Phoebe: Well maybe he was just nervous, yknow you can be very intimidating. And besides Ive met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two.
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
Monica: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, thats your department now. (She takes back the turkey leg)
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Joey: (He turns around to Chandler looking for approval to go with Rachel, Chandler mouths Come on!) (turning back to Rachel) Ross, did ask us first, and we set that night aside.
Chandler: Listen ah, Joe, I-I need to, I need to talk to you about something.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Monica: Look, all were trying to say is, dont let what happened with Carol ruin what you got with Emily.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, "Nice try."
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says its time to go, its time to go. (Starts to leave, but comes back for his cookies.)
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
The Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at Soap Opera Digest will be happy to hear that.
(Chandler tries to jump over the couch but everyone stops him.)
Phoebe: Ok, you guys, I don’t mean to make things worse, but umm, I don’t want to live with Rachel anymore.
(Ross panics and falls off, dropping to the ground with a huge crash.)
Monica: Me too! Yeah, Chandler cant stand it. He wont even allow me to have blue cheese in the house.
Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)
Monica: I would do it but she thinks Im attracted to her!
Joey: Hey, (realises he doesnt know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees its empty and starts to panic.)
Ross: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?
Rachel: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
ROSS: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.
Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!
Ross: Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.
Rachel: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? (Monica looks away.) Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now. (Exits.)
Joey: Oh, cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, theres your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Tag: (looking at the street) Oh my god! Those guys are stealing my car! (He points down to the street)
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Joey: Oh great. (Starts to go in.) (To Chandler) Hey! Go take off those pants, they look ready!
Chandler: Should I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil?
Phoebe: You didn't bring one! My cab's downstairs, I'll drive you to the airport.
Ross: (on phone) I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Matthew: It is when were able to crack each other up.
Mike: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
Chandler: Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?
[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
Ross: What? (Motions for Phoebe to go outside with him.) Oh my God! She-she thinks were engaged! Why? Why? Why would she think were engaged?!
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel is about to enter her apartment with Dina to tell Joey the news.]
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Rachel: No, come on, I'm totally ok. (hugging him) I don't need you to come! I can totally handle this on my own.
Chandler: Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Chandler: Oh well, this was a really important experience for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.