words in movies
Billy Crystal: Im sorry. Ex-excuse us. Im sorry, its a little crowded. Do you mind if we... (motions to the couch)
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
[cut to Monica telling the gang about what happened at Petes]
(Robin interrupts her again by complaining loudly to Billy as the camera cuts to them.)
[cut back to the gang.]
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Petes...
[cut to Billy and Robin]
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
[cut to the gang]
Monica: Forget it. (they all turn and listen to Billy and Robin)
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Billy: Thomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted it to come from me, and nobody else.
Joey: (to Billy) So youre the gynaecologist?
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Robin: (starting to cry) Ooh, (to Rachel) Can I have a napkin, please? Could you please hand me a napkin? (Rachel tries to grab one, but is to slow for his tastes.) Would you--Give me this thing (grabs the napkin holder from her.) all right!! Enough! (to Billy) And you are no longer my friend! We are finished! (gets up to leave) Nada!! No more! You are a bastard for doing this!! (Billy follows him) Get away from me!!
[cut to the gang, theyre all stunned]
Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker?
Monica: He didnt ask me to marry him.
Monica: He wanted to tell me hes gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy.
Ross: Huh, whats fish hooking... (Joey sticks his finger in Rosss mouth and pulls on his cheek, y'know like when you hook a fish.) (to Joey, sarcastic) Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Chandler: Yes, but theres two in martini, soo everybody back to my office.
Doug: (to Chandler) You! Chuckles! Whats your name?
Doug: No-no, I heard what you said, funny. I like funny. (Chandler starts to leave) This team is about hard work, but its also about having fun. Good to have you aboard Bing! (smacks him on the butt, and Chandler leaves shocked.)
Ross: (on phone) Thats right, Ryder. Wynona Ryder for six. (listens) Thank you. (hangs up) (to the gang) Yeah, we have the reservations.
Chandler: All right buddy, way to go! (smacks him on the butt)
Chandler: Well, I didnt do anything. I didnt want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Monica: (to Chandler) Anything but stew.
Ross: All right so, Chandler, from now on, dont give your boss a chance to get you. Y'know just ah, dont turn your back to him.
Joey: Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson. Y'know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. (thinking aloud) Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Chandler: (to Ross and Monica) What if Joey were president?
Hoshi: You are iron. You are steel! Let me ask you something, how come when I call your computer support line, I have to wait an hour and a half?
Monica: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I dont want you to get hurt, cause I kinda like you.
Pete: Oh, believe me, I dont want to get hurt either. Im being smart about this. See these guys? Theyre the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. (Hoshi yells at him in Chinese) A house painter! He used to be a house painter.
Rachel: (to Phoebe) Well that was depressing, I think I just bought a soft pretzel from one of the kids from Fame. Ready to go to the movies?
Rachel: This is Bonnie? (to Phoebe) This is Bonnie? (to Bonnie) Youre Bonnie?
Phoebe: (to Bonnie) Well I hope you have fun tonight.
(Phoebe starts to leave, Rachel slowly follows, shocked about how good Bonnie looks now.)
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Rachel: (to Phoebe) You said she was bald.
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
Chandler: (to his co-workers) What is with him?
Doug: (coming out of his office) Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth? Dartmouth sucks. Did you go to Dartmouth Bing?
Ross: Yeah, its the Ultimate Fighting Combo. Yeah, I saved thirty cents, plus I get to keep the cup. Yay!!
Monica: (going up to the ring) Pete! Pete!! That guys pretty huge!
Pete: Dont worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponents strength and weight against him.
(Pete and Monica kiss, and Monica mouths I love you. to him.)
Referee: Here we go gentlemen, here we go! (to Tank Abbott) Are you ready? (He nods, and takes out his teeth) (to Pete) Are you ready? (Pete nods, Yes.) Lets get it on!!
(Tank carries Pete over to the other side of the ring, and we see both Ross and Monica wince in pain.)
[Scene: The Arena, after the fight. Monica is walking up to a defeated Pete.]
Monica: Hey! (she sits down next to him) Its me. Mon-i-ca! Can I just tell you how proud I am of you.
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: Oh, about five minutes. Right now theyre interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Ross: What? Oh! I gotta tell you, I-I wasnt expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasnt expecting to like anyone right now, but shes really terrific.
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Ross: Okay, well be right in. (to Chandler) So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Nine times! Okay, I had to put on lotion! But, its gonna be okay, because as of tomorrow Im conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Doug: Well, say no more. Y'know it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! Youre okay.
Chandler: Okay. (he starts to leave)
Doug: Ha! (goes to smack him on the butt, but stops, faking Chandler out) Ahhhhhhh!
Rachel: Phoebe! (goes back to the window)
Rachel: Phoebe, we cant, we just cant just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!
Phoebe: Okay, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I dont get it. Arent you the one that decided that you didnt want to be with Ross?
Phoebe: Well isnt he your friend? Dont you want him to be happy?
Rachel: I just y'know, I didnt expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo-ooh! (sits down on the curb)
Phoebe: (sits down next to her and hugs her) Oh no.
[Scene: A locker room, Pete is in a full upper-body cast. Monica enters, sees him, and gasps. Pete tries to turn around, and winces in pain.]
Pete: Its okay, its not as bad as it looks, its a precaution. Ah, Im not supposed to move my spine.
Monica: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!!
Monica: Well then, y'know what? I care about you to much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then youre gonna have to do it without me.
Pete: Well if youre asking me to quit, then youre asking me to be someone Im not. Ive got to do this.
Monica: Then Ive gotta go. Bye. (kisses him and starts to walk out)
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up (points to the chart), so Im happy. Great job team! Tomorrow at 8:30. (They start to leave) Phil! Nice job. (smacks him on the butt) Stevens! Way to go! (smacks him on the butt) Joel-burg, you maniac! I love ya! (smacks him on the butt) (Chandler walks up) Bing! Good job, couldnt have done it without ya. (he shakes his hand)
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! (smacks him on the butt) (to Chandler) Well, what about you? Youre not feeling left out or anything are ya?
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Joey: Check it out, hes winning! (to Monica) Petes winning!
Phoebe: Wait, if thats his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Ross: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didnt want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete cant.
The Man: (To Ross) Excuse me. (He puts up a flyer that has a sketch drawing of Joey and it reads, "Warning! Intruder! If you see this creep - call the cops!") You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently he's running around looking for some kind of a hot girl.
Ross: Please, please I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Phoebe: Oh, Ode To A Pubic Hair?
Woman: Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures.
Carol: (jumping up to get it) I got it!
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, dont worry about it!
Monica: You dont want to know what tonight was.
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
Joey: Alright, then you go to that party and you pretend to be over Mike. And afterward you come to my place and I'll get you good and drunk!
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)
(Ross turns to leave.)
Rachel: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and
Ross: And Im sure youre gonna make a big impression. Hi! Im Rachel Green. Its nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is running to answer the door.]
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?
Monica: (not wanting to be left out, picks up something) Hey umm, whats this?
Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think Im going to run to the ladies room.
[Scene: We're back to the present. Chandler and Monica's. They're all still at the kitchen table.]
Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Ross: Aw forget it, its from Pier One. (Theres an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)
Chandler: So, has anyone talked to Dr. and Mrs. Geller yet?
Monica: What happened to Janine?
Phoebe: All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places. (She puts on her fur coat.)
Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Joey: (not quite sure of how to answer that) Well uh, look Ross I uh, I think Carols great and Im sure youre a very attractive man, but I .
Emily: Okay. (Goes to say hi to the lads.)
Director: (To Joey) Okay, youre dancing with that girl over there.
[Scene: The Airport Ticket Counter, Monica and Chandler are standing in line behind another couple kissing who are next in line to be served.]
Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.
Ross: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but Im not invited to sleep-overs.
Phoebe: Yes. Yes! Fine! I am someone! You want me to say it? I have doubts! (Pause) I'm sorry! (Puts her head down.)
Ross: Well, technically it seven billion years ago (Well, technically youd be able to see it for days, well nights; that is if you could see it with all of the bright lights of New York.)
Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.
JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]
Monica: (to the restuarant customers) Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller..I'm the head chef here.. (pauses as if waiting for something).. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? (a few people raise their hands)
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Monica: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!
ROSS: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to be too emphatic about this.
Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachels father. Look I I made a mistake, but its only because I really, really like you. Really!
Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing?
Monica: Yes! Why, did youyou forget to make yours?
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this.
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monicas seat.)
Rachel: (laughs) Yknow when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
Chandler: I cant figure out what to make Monica.
Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me?
Monica: Well, Id like to but, (extremely quietly) Im not sure we have time to go.
Ross: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. (He laughs, his real laugh this time.) What you're-you're not mad?
Ross: Im gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Joey: (to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.)
(He turns to get his coat and Monica gives Rachel and Phoebe two thumbs up as Chandler walks over to Ross.)
Chandler: (approaching) Here you go Joe, heres the freshly squeezed orange juice you asked for. (Hands it to him.)
Ross: Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.
The Flight Attendant: (To Ross) Hope you had a nice flight.
Joey: Look, Ross, really its-its no big deal. Yknow you wear a white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we cant be friends at work, then so be it. Yknow, hey I understand. Yknow? Hey, when Im in a play and youre in the audience, I dont talk to you, right? So its yknow, its uh, its cool. Ill see you tomorrow. (Leaves)
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
(Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.)
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?
Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? Whats gonna happen in a minute?!
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
CHANDLER: (Hangs his jacket over the suitcase, locks the door, then turns to Monica.)� Oh well, look at you.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.]
Monica: Well honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for something to, to flip you out.
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
[Cut to Earls office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld. They cut back and forth between Phoebes and Earls offices with each of their lines.]
Phoebe: Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
Phoebe: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.
Joey: You dont have to worry about that okay?
(They start to go inside.)
Ross: Gotcha. (Starts to leave.)
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
Chandler: (about to cry) Am not!
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Phoebe: I dont know, but were having dinner tomorrow night, so I figured, shes gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to, buy me presents, I dont know! So, youre all bored?
(As they start back down the couch drops a little bit and gets jammed. They try to free it to no avail.)
Rachel: Oh, well thank you for taking your tongue out of my sisters mouth long enough to tell me that.
CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesnt call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, yknow just to she whats going on, and, and she says shell call me back, but then she doesnt. Then its over.
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Rachel: And Chandler, youre gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel cant be late.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
[Cut to Joeys, hes on the phone.]
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
Mona: Id be happy to. (To Ross) You are very sweet.
Joey: Yeah. (He goes over to her.)