words in movies
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
Phoebe: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.
Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
(They get into position to pull the turkey off.)
Monica: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!
(They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.)
Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Monica: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.
Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Big Nosed Rachel: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Chandler: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, dont take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.
Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
(Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.]
Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
Ross: Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving!
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Rachel: Okay, that we may be able to do.
Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
Rachel: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.)
Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Monica: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
Ross: (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
Chandler: This is not going to work.
[Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.]
French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!
Monica: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. <pinches Ross' arm>
Monica: Something to remember me by!
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Joey: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.
Ross: Ok, Michelle, it�s time to go.
Jill: No, you've got to whip it.
Monica: Hey, isnt weird to think about how next year at this time theyll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachels! But good to know where youre at!
Chandler: No, wed just like to close them.
Chandler: (Tries to hug Joey but J. moves away) What's the matter Joe?
David: Damn it! I-I'm sorry. I-I don't mean that. I-I want you to be happy... But only with me. No, uhm... that's not fair. Uh, who cares, leave him!. Oh, I don't mean that. Yes I do... I'm sorry Uhm, I... I think I should probably uhm... go...
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Chandler: Oh well, thats uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure!
Monica: Yeah, but the important thing to know about us, is how much we would care for this little baby. (holds up the sonogram)
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Monica: Heres the plan! Okay? Im going to leave you get a look at Brendas bra!
Chandler: Joey, look, are you attracted to Monica? Right here, right now, are you attracted to her?
Ross: We have got to start locking that door!
Joey: To her parents I think and she said you shouldnt call her. But if I were you I would.
Rachel: Well try to keep it down.
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
Rachel: Honey, hes about to go hit on Isabella Rosselini. Im just sorry we dont got popcorn.
Erica: (to Chandler) Being a doctor must take up a lot of time.
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Phoebe: Aww, and good luck to you too! (To Monica and Rachel) What a nice lady!
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, dont you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Rachel: No. I was just going to do this myself. (Joey makes a sarcastic laugh.)
CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
[Scene: Rachels Office, shes slinking out to where Tag works and checks to make sure no one is coming.]
Joey: All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Monica:: Is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast forward to something a little toothier.
Ross: All right, look, look, youve got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Elizabeth: Well, I really wanted to meet you guys, but I have to run. Ill see you later?
Joey: Hey, hang up! You get food poisoning just talkin to that place.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is coming to a close.]
Joey: Yeah! Because this commercial belongs to me and Mitch!
Monica: (getting up) All right, Im gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that?
(one of the groomsmen gives the rings to Joey)
The Fireman: Please reattach this, its against the law to disconnect them.
Rachel: Oh come on Ross!! (She tries to switch places with him and goes under his leg.)
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
Chandler: I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica!
Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.
Rachel: Okay, well then how about a handshake? (She goes to shake his hand but misses and touches his groin.) Oh God I'm sorry! Oh God, I'm sorry! I did not mean to touch thatI mean you there. There. Uhh, okay, so thank-thank you, I'm going to leave now thank you very much uh-huh, thank you soHey! I'll see you Monday! (Exits.)
[Scene: The Roof, Rachel is talking to a guy who hands her a tissue with something written on it]
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Yknow
Gunther: (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.
Rachel: Oh, yknow I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I(Chandler puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to look at the label on the box.)
Ross: I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. I've always thought of him as one of the people I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C3PO?
Dr. Long: Rachel youre gonna have to push even harder, nothings happening!
(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
Joey: So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Joey: Thats right! Cause Im a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we dont read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat!
Phoebe: No-no, I know that, but I just have to make enough money for the second part of my plan.
BIG BULLY: This couch belongs to us.
Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think Im just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.
Phoebe: (looks) Oh my God, youre right! I am too late; theyre sitting on the couch and talking! (To Patrick) Come on! (They go over to the couch.) Rachel?
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
Ross: Oh. (Starts to get his money)
Precious: Oh, my God, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need him. I deserve to be treated with respect.
Monica: I know, but you have to open it today! (Hands it too him.)
Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
Joey: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends.
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down, he has a depressed look on his face.)
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
Joey: Always nice to meet a fan!
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
Parker: And Im with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to mans plate dispensing problems.
Rachel: All right, I promise. Ill fix this. I swear. Ill-Ill-Ill-Ill talk to her.
Phoebe: That is correct! Yes, youre supposed to take all of that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight.
Monica: Nice to meet you! My God youre great!
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.
Monica: Wait a minute, you stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off to work like some kind of chump?!
Phoebe: Well okay but I have two tickets to the ballroom dance finals. (She holds up the tickets that Kyle gave her.)
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, Im sorry, I didnt.... I dont mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
JOEY: No, no, no.� When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . .� courtside!
Rachel: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
Rachel: Yeah I dont think dressing provocatively is going to help me here! Oh my god just please take her.
Phoebe: You dont have to be back for a half-hour!
Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
Ross: and then, we couldve gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar!
Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar?