words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And Im sad. (Exits.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Phoebe: Ohh, Im getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Yknow, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV.
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Joey: Well, ah, Im an actor. Im fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and dont worry Im totally okay with the gay thing.
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys wont live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Matress King: (on TV) Im close. Im cheap. Im the king.
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Rachel: On TV?! Yeah!
Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop!
Man on TV: Now, push!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
Man on TV: Anything?
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ill be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
Joey: I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just dont know if Im good enough.
Man on TV: Yeah, just relax.
Monica: No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
Rachel: Oh! Weather bitch! (turns the TV off)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees whats on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)