words in movies
Joey: Oh, its a new TV show. Yeah. Im up for the part of Mac Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, Im a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner. Hes a, hes a Computerized Humanoid Electronically Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."
Rachel: HuhWait so Joey if you get this, youre gonna be like the star of your own TV show! I mean youll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the Big MacHey! You love those!
Joey: I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just dont know if Im good enough.
Chandler: Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Monica: Maybe Joey doesnt have to give you the money, TV stars have assistants right?
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys wont live to see the fourth of July. (Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planets most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. Shes the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.
Joey: Yeah, I (Shuts off the TV.) I dont want Stevie to see her like this.
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Ross: (triumphantly) Im gonna be on TV!!
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Yasmein Bleeth running on TV, and the duck starts quacking.]
Joey: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, (Joey from TV) you know that's bad for the paper tray.
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Ross: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joeys apartment. What name appears on the address label?
Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, hes just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just...
Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Matress King: (on TV) Im close. Im cheap. Im the king.
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
Joey: Okay, you watch too much TV.
Monica: Man, this sucks! Yknow if Mom and Dad dont see us on TV after we made them so jealous, I mean, whos gonna be the losers then?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
Ross: Everything? Even the TV?
Joey: Whoa! For a rich guy he's got, that's a pretty small TV.
Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
(It's only when the camera cuts to Ross's apartment that we see that the TV is turned off and Ross is indeed doing a bit. He then tries to hide his smirk.)
(Theres a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are watching TV as Chandler enters.]
Joey: No-no! No, Im accepting it on her behalf. (He puts it up above the TV to display it.)
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
Rachel: Stevie the TV?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janices ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
Rachel: On TV?! Yeah!
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
Monica: You bet! No TV or anything! (she gets up from the sofa and goes to the kitchen area)
Joey: Look, I dont know why the kids need a youth center anyway! Yknow? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Man on TV: Now, push!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no. This is amazing. (He goes over and presses a button on a remote control that opens the entertainment center doors revealing the TV.)
Woman on TV: Ohhh! Make it stop!
Man on TV: Anything?
(We see the TV and its the last scene where ET is saying goodbye.)
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Man on TV: Yeah, just relax.
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs
(Chandler turns on the TV and )
[Scene: Phoebes, Frank is watching TV, and hes very depressed as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feelOh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Monica: No Joey, I think he's just watchin' TV.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK.
Sarah: I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Ross: Did the TV wake you?
Rachel: Oh! Weather bitch! (turns the TV off)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Ill be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)
Joey: Fake? Excuse me? Hello? (Taps the TV screen.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Kathy: (entering) Hey! (sees whats on TV) Oh God, is that Baywatch?
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
(They run to the living room where Monica has moved the chair back (Towards the step), the coffee table forward (Towards the TV), and taped a square outline on the floor.)
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
Joey: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? Ive dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!