words in movies
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
(The woman gets up and walks over to their table.)
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Monica: Did you break up with her?
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Monica: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Chandler: Ah, uh, I owe you a long overdue apology. I never should have broken up with you because you were overweight.
Julie: Thats why you broke up with me?
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Monica: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?
Monica: Well, you broke up with Julie Grath! How much weight could she have gained?
Chandler: Look I know it was a stupid reason to break up with somebody, but I was 15!
Chandler: So you can balloon up or you can shrink down and I will still love you.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
Ross: (slowly stands up and says quietly) Excuse me. (Exits.)
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And Im going to go get drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
Monica: Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like you did the other night?
Rachel: Joey? Whats up?
Rachel: Okay whats up?
(They go inside and Ross closes the door. When he turns around Elizabeth walks up to him, pushes him back against the door, and starts kissing him.)
Rachel: Oh wow! What now Ross youre not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean youd think the damn jalepeno wouldve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! Thats not enough (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!
Monica: Just go up to her and ask her out. (Chandler laughs) Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Monica: Whats up?
Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Monica: How many fingers am I holding up? (She's not holding any up.)
Roy: No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean, this has been my life for thirty two years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.
Richard: (standing up quickly) Drink?
Ross: (walking up with this huge tub-o-popcorn and drink) Hey!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
(A wave crashes on the beach and partially fills up his hole.)
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, whos-whos to say? Does that me we-we cant do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesnt it?
Phoebe: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in the siadic area can get yknow, real (lifts up the towel) nice and tight. So umm, tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Joey: Oh! (Pulls up his pants.) Sorry. Uh, Ive got those plans with Phoebe, why?
Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?
Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, theres cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Rachel: Yeah! Okay, two larges coming right up!
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way, hes overacting too.)
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Mona: Joey cracks me up! Its like, Yeah, why dont you have your ex-wife move in with you? That wouldnt be awkward at all! (she laughs again)
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
Rachel: I feel like were the only two people in the world. (She sets down her wine class, picks up a walnut, and knocks another one on the floor.) Oops. Sorry. (She reaches down to pick it up and Ross hands it to her. Ross is hiding under the couch and causes Rachel to scream.)
Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Ross: Yeah! Oh yeah, youll be fine! It-itll be uh, just like bungy jumping. Yknow? But instead of bouncing back up you-you wont.
Joey: Terrible! I messed up every line! I shouldnt even be an actor!
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] I'm still gonna go.
Ross: Oh well, I guess Ill catch up with her later.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, stand up. (They do so.) Well, when were at the door, I lightly press my lips against his, and then move into his body just for a second, and then I make this sound, "Hmmm." Okay, I know it doesnt sound like anything, but I swear it works.
Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
Ross: What are you doing up?
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up?
Chandler: Ill make something up! Im good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Chandler: Oh! (Stands up.)
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Chandler: Well, this does butch it up a bit.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
Joey: So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there?
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isnt Mother Nature amazing?
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Phoebe: Lilly's dead. (He looks up in shock.)
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.
Monica: Y'know what? You're right Phoebe. You're right. Thank you! (Gets up to find Chandler.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
Chandler: Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was right.)
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my I mean, Im lucky to have just one good (They all start getting emotional.)
Ross: Okay, whats up?
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
Man: Could you press up too please?
Rachel: Come on, its not a big deal! We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem.
Chandler: Alright look, let's think about this, ok, do you really think that people are gonna stir up your family at this tragic time? That people are gonna post condolences on a website? This is not about people not caring that you're dead .This is about people not having a decent outlet for their grief.
[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one of the stools over.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]
Monica: Thank you. (Hangs up.)
EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
Monica: Chandler! I have to tell you, you smell so smokey I have to get up. I'm not kidding. (She's not; she stands and walks away. Chandler moves closer.)
Phoebe: Oh hey! Wait up!
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
[Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
Joey: No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
Chandler: Buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning Dont let Phoebe in.
Monica: Okay whats up
Phoebe: (simultaneously) Im breaking up with you!
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think youre great. Come on, what do you say?
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I dont wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?
Ross: I just, I dont understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Yknow, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that shed actually show up?
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Monica: (looking at Chandler sleeping with a balloon in his mouth) So sexy. (Waking him up.) Honey.
Monica: (stands up to hand Emma back) Oh no no no no!
<Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife>
Phoebe: All right. (Gets up and walks out.)
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Rachel: Now wait a minute thats not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didnt tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)