words in movies
Phoebe: Oooh, I love family traditions like that. When uhm... when Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food!
Ursula: Yeah, I got a big box of family stuff when my mom died.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Ursula: Huh. Well, Im supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. Im supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
(Ursula opens the door and is all dressed up with big hair and lingerie.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now Im here.
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: Wait! (Knocks on the door and Ursula opens it.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Ursula: Right.
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Ursula: Who?
Ursula: Oh!
Ursula: Uh-huh.
Ursula: He is? Why?
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Ursula: You have not changed!
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Eric: Uh listen, I justI thought you should know I broke up with Ursula.
Ursula: Right, why do you keep saying that?
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, its gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. Im gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursulas fianc�e is really sweet! Hes a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Yknow normally yknow, I dont like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Lets go!!
Ursula: Yeah. So how have you been doing?
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Ursula: Umm, yeahno thanks.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Right! Okay. (Hands Phoebe her births certificate.)
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Ursula: Who is it?
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Ursula: No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Eric: Sorry, I just saw Ursula. I had to give the engagement ring back.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Ursula: Well, its pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess thatd be okay.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Eric: Hi, its Eric. From the Halloween party, Ursulas fianc�e.
Ursula: Who is it?
Ursula: Hey!
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Ursula: Right, okay, then no.
Phoebe: Yeah. Its just, you know, its this whole stupid Ursula thing, its...
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yeah, were not thirty, were 31.
Ursula: Yeah.
Ursula: Yes.
(Ursula opens the door and hands her the note.)
Ursula: No Im not.
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Ursula: Yes! Phoebe.
Ursula: (sarcastic) Okay.
Ursula: I dont know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ursula: Hey!
Eric: Ursula?
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
Phoebe: You-you you had sex with Ursula?!
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so thats why youre (Motions to what shes wearing.)
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Ursula: Yknow, wed really better get going.
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
Ursula: Yeah, no were not thirty. Were 31. Okay. (She closes the door.)
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebes face) Its a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
Phoebe: (reading from the note) Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. Ill miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk. You just wrote this!
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursulas purse and he walks away.)
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.