words in movies
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Waiter: Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
Waiter: Can I get you another glass of wine?
Waiter: Got stood up, huh?
Waiter: Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?
(The waiter leaves.)
[Scene: Delmonico's. Ross is still waiting for his date and drinking wine. The waiter comes up to him again.]
Waiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
Waiter: Look; you got stood up, who cares? We're gonna show you a good time. Just sit and relax. In fact, let me bring you a crab cake appetizer on the house.
Waiter: Ooh...
(Ross sees the waiter looking at him.)
(Meanwhile, another waiter has come up to the first waiter.)
Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.
Waiter: Just get out of here, okay?
Waiter: Eh, okay, the waiters have a little pool going. We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
Waiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Waiter: What?
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight. Although we do have a pool going to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
Rachel: Okay, well you had asked me how long we had known each other, and I said, "Eight years." And the um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half, and umm now here we are.
(The waiter arrives with their deserts)
(A waiter walks by carrying appetizers or something on a tray)
WAITER: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?
The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers.
Waiter: Oh, I'm sorry sir, that was our last piece.
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Joey: No-ohoh. (the Bings leave, the waiter comes)
The Waiter: Its uh, its already been roasted.
Waiter: It�s been an hour. ??? be willing to reconsider switching to a smaller table.
Waiter: Yes, that's Raspberry coule.
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Waiter: Well, I hope, you got some room left.
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Katie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Chandler: What's with the word y'all? You know, just... two words just... pushed together... Are we all allowed to do that, because if so, I say why stop there? You know, your new poodle could be your noodle. And fried chicken? Could be fricken.Waiter, waiter excuse me, I'll have the fricken? (Monica laughs) See, that's... that's funny with the fricken, right?
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.
Joey: Why are you going? He said, she wanted the shrew! (runs after the waiter)
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Waiter: Right. We do have a table for two available, perhaps you would be more comfortable.
Joey: Thank you. (stands up and kisses her lips.) Waiter! �lright, this is gonna be fast, so try to keep up: Risotto with the shaped truffles and the roasted rip steak with the golden Chanterelles and a Bordelaise sauce and that any that stuff I just said means snails. (Hope, *I* kept up.)
Waiter: Estrangement (?).
The Waiter: No, its really good.
Joey: (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
WAITER: Are we ready to order?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
The Waiter: Because we can remember them.
Waiter: I�ll just wait to put your order in.
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Waiter: A garden salad for the lady (sets the plate down)
Phoebe: Joseph! (to waiter) Thou needn�t worry, they shan�t be long.
Rachel: Hey, that is the babys problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldnt wait on you tonight! (Runs off.)
Waiter: Seafood platter for the gentleman and extra fries. Enjoy!
Waiter: I dont know. I think maybe one of them is dying. (Pause) I kinda hope its the girl. (The other waiter is shocked.) The guy is really cute!
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Monica: Thats a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?
The Waiter: Well thats not true.
WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
Waiter: Chocolate Torte for the lady, cheesecake for the gentleman.
WAITER: Anything else?
WAITER: And for you?
WAITER: Do I dare ask?
[The waiter comes to the table.]
Phoebe: Oh Joey, weve heard the specials three times! Okay? Theres prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it to the waiter.)
WAITER: And for the gentleman?
WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, these are for the pharmaceutical convention (walks away)
WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of?
Joey: (returned) No, no, it�s okay, I already told the waiter what they want.
Waiter: You can�t order until your entire party has arrived. Restaurant policy.
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
Joey: But it happens? (waiter leaves) I�m gotta go to the bathroom.
MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.
The Waiter: No.
The Waiter: Well, sure, that too.
The Waiter: Cant hear you!
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
WAITER: (with tray and two drinks)� Excuse me.� Um, these are from the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.
The Waiter: Actually were out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joeys menu under his arm.)
Joey: (to the waiter) What are you still doin here?! I told you, lobster ravioli!
[Scene: A restaurant. Joey is on his date with Phoebe’s friend, Sarah. They are sitting opposite each other on a table for two. Their waiter approaches with two plates.]
Sarah: (tasting hers) Oh my God! (Looks at the waiter and then to Joey)
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?
Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
The Waiter: You found that handle, did ya?
Waiter: Sure. Sure. (Turns away, then turns back) Seconds up! (Joey glares at him.) Not that kind of table. (He walks away.)
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly at the food.)
[Scene: Iridium Restaurant, Phoebe and Joey are looking at the menus as the waiter comes to take their order.]
Waiter No. 2: God, youre gonna be here all night!
Waiter: (with British accent) Soo, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?
A Waiter in Drag: (to Chandler and Monica) Has someone taken your order yet?
Customer: Hey, waiter.
Waiter: I know! I havent even read them the specials yet!
Joey: Maybe I could be a waiter. Could I use the phone?
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
The Waiter: Hey!
The Waiter: Okay.
The Waiter: (To Joey) And for you sir?
The Waiter: Are you guys ready?
The Waiter: (returning) Any progress?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.
Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
Dr. Green: 74?! I ordered the 75! Thats a magnificent wine! The 74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiters dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why youre a waiter?
The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, its Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)
A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Heres your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes)
Monica: Can we have our drinks please?! WaiterUh, tress!
Waiter in Drag: Youre straight. I get it. (Walks away.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Waiter: Champagne?