words in movies
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Rachel: Well, I did my best to convince him that Im not some crazy girl who is dying to get marriedIm just going through a hard time.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Parker: Im sorry thats who I am. Im a positive person.
Monica: Whos Mr. Girabaldi?
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Chandler: (rushing up) Hey-Hey-Hey! Who was that?
Phoebe: Oh! I'm sorry Rachel, I don't have time for your childish games, ok? I still have to go find something incredible to wear so I can beat Mike at "who's more over who"! (at which she walks away)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Phoebe: (to Monica, whos entering) Hey, youre early.
Ursula: Who is it?
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, Im so cute, Im a little chick whos disgusting! God, youre so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
[Scene: The Hospital, Ross and Rachel, whos in a wheelchair, are arriving in the waiting room for the maternity ward.]
Phoebe: That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didnt you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor's dog.
Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy!
Phoebe: So okay what? Youre gonna be married to a girl who doesnt even know about it?!Op, woman! Sorry.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait. Youre telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didnt want you back?!
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Helena: (To Monica) And who is your friend?
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Joey: They let you get married when youre drunk! Most people who get married in Vegas are drunk!
(Shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.)
Rachel: No, I-I just dont know how you decide who to hire. I mean Ive got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then theres this guy
CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?
Joey: I know. I know. And shes not only my friend; shes my pregnant friend! Shes my pregnant friend whos Ross ex!
Monica: Who is it?
Joey: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
Ross: Hey! Look whos back! Its the birthday girl! Hows the birthday girl feeling?
Joey: Who knows?
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
Rachel: Now you're probably going to hire one of the people who did not ah, (She puts her hands on his desk blotter and he moves it. Rachel then doesn't know where to put her hands.) who did, who did not umm, yell at you and storm out, and I think that's a big mistake and here's why. I made a huge fool of myself and I came back, that shows courage. When I thought you wanted sex in exchange for this job, I said no. That shows integrity. And, I was not afraid to stand up for myself and that shows courage. (Suddenly realizes that she said courage twice.) Okay umm, now I know I already said courage, but y'know you gotta have courage. And umm, and finally when I thought you were making sexual advances in the workplace, I said no and I was not litigious. {By the way, litigious means to want to litigate and litigate is to make a lawsuit against. So she didn't want to sue him. Don't worry, I had to look it up too.} So there you go, you got, you got (counts them off with her fingers) courage, you got integrity, you got (Pause) courage again, and not litigious. Look Mr
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Female Clerk: Yknow, there are two people who could put your picture up there. (She makes eyes at him.)
Rachel: Well, who wouldnt?!
Russell: And well need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.
(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)
Phoebe: Gosh. Im not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him.
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises!
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Joey: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.
Joey: No! No! No! Its different for you. Youre so strong and together. Youre not some dumb kid who doesnt know what shes doing.
Chandler: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi!
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)
Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
Phoebe: Okay. Okay! Well okay, who do we know thats coming? Me. Are you?
Kathy: Oh. Well uh, (to Chandler) you not being able to talk may make this easier. Listen umm (She looks at the gang who are watching, they take the hint and leave them alone.) Listen I dont wanna be someone who comes between two best friends. I just, I cant stand seeing what this is doing to you guys, and I dont wanna be the cause of that. So, I dont think we can see each other anymore. Im gonna go to my moms in Chicago, Im gonna stay there for awhile. I think this couldve be something really amazing, but yknow this is probably for the best. Yknow? Im gonna miss you. Good-bye, Chandler.
Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
Rachel: Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that?
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
Monica: Really? Whos number two?
Phoebe: Who was that?
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
Monica: Who are you talking too?
Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
Monica: So, Chandler, whos on your list?
Rachel: I accidentally kissed him in the interview, and now he wants me back y'know of course, 'cause "Let's bring the girl back who kisses everybody!"
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
Joey: Yeah, hero sandwiches. (Points at Ross who points back.)
Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. (he stops and starts realizing something) Wait a minute...
MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
Ross: Yes!! I knew it!! (To the people who didn't make it.) Bye-bye! So long! Later!
Phoebe: Aw, honey its not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I dont see that happening.
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?
PHOEBE: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.
Chandler: Who was it?
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
Chandler: Dont go! Im sorry. Im so sorry! (Sees another guy who is still asleep.) Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him! (Looks at him more closely.) Or, call an ambulance.
Monica: Whos Denise?
Chandler: People whove never ever been to Paris.
Chandler: Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here!
Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, Ill stop! No teaching, okay? Well just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets dont streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Whos official name is Bapstein-King.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
Ross: Ugh, between the traffic that time of day and all the one-way streets itll take me twice as long. Besides, I teach the class three times a week, who am I? Rockefeller?
Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone?
RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Phoebe: So you dont know thats Barneys the store! That can be yknow his friends house, or a bar. Who has Barneys the store on their speed dial?
Joey: Oh yeah, whos playing?
Joey: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, whos ass I cannot kick.
Chandler: (reading) Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay?
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess whos coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey: Oh dont listen to him, hes just some guy who really wants the apartment, but I dont think hes gonna get it.
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?
Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the baby shower has ended and everyone except for Mrs. Green have left who is talking to Rachel while Monica and Phoebe are cleaning up.]
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)